DUCHESS FAMILY= DISRUPT (postgraduate forum won't let me change it )

Has anyone tried negotiating with a postdoc employer to allow doing research from long distance? I am a social scientist so there I am no lab work at all. It's basically my own poject and requires very little supervision which also can be done through a biweekly Skype talk or I can visit for over a two week period on a regular basis. This postdoc I should only for two years and is temporary with no possibility to extend. In these circumstances, it makes it very difficult to disrupt family life of seven years.
My partner cannot join me as he I see in a stable job and we don't want a long distance relationship. How to negotiate with the institution that I will complete the postdoc by short-term visits but cannot stay put so as to not disrupt family life?

Dear Marasp

I cannot believe I see you back again! During my days of frustration with PhD for which I turned to postgraduate forum, it was your thread that I was following keenly (2 years ago!) as I too had gotten an R & R like you. You played a key role in giving me hopes to continue despite hopelessness.

So pleased to tell you that I am now done! Graduated last week and now doing things that I never thought I would ever get to like postdoc application and competitive grant writing. It's like the whole academic world has welcomed me to their weird club.

Also interesting to see how your personal life is now panning out. It's so nice to see you are so confident and making careful decisions and following your academic passion. My all best wishes in all your future endeavours and thank you to revisit this forum. Hope we can keep in touch.

Don't give up. 36 is hardly old! Look at the real life experience you got. Please don't undermine that. True, academic life is not as fulfilling as it appears to be-very calm and sort of secured. But, to experience that without going through the academic power and politics is impossible. Academic career is not any different than any other role in life. It is social and political. I see so many students who come with funding and are married but have no publications even when they finish PhD and they think their supervisors will back them up. It looks embarrassing on them as they think emotional support and having good relations with academic people will replace the lack of publications. Eventually, they fizzle out as academic is about publications and raising grants.. Academic world is very commercialised with just a very formal language which kind of hides its commercial and power angle but, it very much exists and it is exhausting. Academic life is hyper competitive and it's a war out there. At least you got one aspect of life sorted-family-which for many is challenging. On the other hand, you might have another chance and hope you can continue from you left.

Don't give up. Use everything you can to get back on track.

Dear Hugh

In social sciences, it's all about fieldwork. Writing part of the project comes later but from what I have observed from other people, they are never at the university even when they return from the field. If they have great and understanding relationship with their postdoc mentors, then it all works out. Postdocs in social Sciemce is very bizarre and as long as you send regular updates and reports from the field including publications or organise workshops or seminars, that is more important than physically being present. Thankfully, I don't have problem with the later, I have no problem organising workshops as they and really fun...

I was wondering if there are people here who have two postdocs going at the same time? What are some pros and cons of this? It is for social science people and since my fieldwork is gong to be in the same region, I can do some multiple projects at the same time in the same field. Most likely, it willl be co-written postdoc projects which means I will be pre-named and with varied number of years on each one I.e not all of them will have same period of the postdoc. So one is for five years and the other will be 18 months, but in the same region but different institutions.

Is anybody here writing their own postdoc grant? I don't mind working under someone else's grant but those are far and few and instead of waiting for something to come along, I would rather write up my own. But I need a postdoc mentor. Does anybody have any tips on how to approach people? I did email some but it seems like, they prefer to hire you in theirs rather then working with you on your choice of topic. Also, they are also choosey and prefer to work with people that they like and it does not always work for me as I seem to not meet their desired criterias even if I meet their essential ones. After all, it's a partnership and good to work with people that like you. So, how do I make a first good impression that I can be reliable to work with and my project is interesting? UK is a whole different game and I don't mind moving to US but there only those profs who are about to become emeritus work on such projects and they have to be pretty reputable. Currently, the ones I am looking at are quite still young and do not qualify to take up independent projects. The only option is the UK at the moment where if they really like you, they will put a proposal with you but what I lack is that convincing language to appeal these people. We had a successful BA written under this arrangement but that worked because they were almost working on the same topic and made a convincing project and they really get along. in my case, it's difficult to like me. I am not a big fan of the bureaucracy and rules. I am difficult to like that is why my one also got delayed and I don't expect to share very good vibe with supervisors. I pretty much was on my own thought out PhD. But, now I need a job which is really tough as it becomes personal in addition to being academic.

Hi Tudor_Queen

Yes...have been chasing him since last Thursday evening when we met. He could genuinely be occupied with personal stuff, who knows. But the problem is he is been with me for so long, could just drop a line. Maybe will hear from him later in the evening.

I am giving up on graduating in July as this week is my last chance, but is wont push my luck and jeopardise relations with him. He is too powerful for me take on and besides, he is not so bad. Always has been there to read my drafts but I am not that particularly impressed about his intellectual abilities. He is if anything, more political than intellectual. He himself is not British, he is European and, frankly, there is not much difference between them and me, like all Europeans, even people from commonwealth have to make it in the Anglo-Saxon higher academic institutions. Coming from the commonwealth, I have advantages that he does not have as comes from EU. so, the politics is complicated as his idea of success is not to promote a commonwealth scholar as we are a threat to EU people seeking same jobs in UK. Fair enough, I get that. And supporting a white English man as opposed to a postcolonial third world academic scholar is not as critical on his CV. I hm Happy to just get the certificate and gradually move away from him.

I have been given a pass with minor for PhD. However, the supervisors are not cooperating to give timely feedback so I can proceed with corrected version and their behaviour is very confusing. I am loosing patience at this stage as I need to graduate on July as the correction are very minor and already discussed with the internal examiner. I don't know what has caused this communication breakdown, but one of my supervisor is no more around this institute and the current one is biased against me as I am not British and trying to seek British jobs and he already has his British students that he wants to see successful and hopes that I return back home. Well, I am not. I have full confidence of Landing with a postdoc because I am already working with some and everything is going very good. In that case, I am not sure if I should give a **** about what this supervisor thinks and is acting vengeful and want to punish me by delaying my submission or should I listen to him considering has has been with me for so long and no doubt, without his support reaching so far would have been challenging. Which is why it is coNfusing as to why he is delaying in giving me the last few feedbacks so I can submit soon and graduate in July. I don't want to spoil relations with him as he is the next HoD from September and it will look good on my job applications to mention that if he wrote me the reference letter. However, this is now going a bit too far. I, along with other international students, are very upset already for seeing British students passing their phd's before us and getting jobs before us. I have allowed that already, all I am asking him is to give me the feedbacks so at least I get my PhD. But, if he continues to make it so difficult, then I will submit any ways and relations between us will decay.

Hi guys an exciting job (post PhD in social science) has been advertised suiting my qualifications but I have never attended job interviews before and really lack confidence to write a good cover letter. Can anyone volunteer to please give a quick read and suggest changes? It is die today and my draft is ready. Or forward me their sample letters blocking their names and affiliations in the letter? Any good sample letters online as a guide? I know it sounds obvious but I really lack communicating objectively.

[ Quote From TreeofLife:


I love it how if someone mentions they've been single for a while, other people seem to think they have all the answers.[/quote]

So Love/ relationships are solutions?Really?It's interesting that a relationship status of one person can be presumed as having solutions to other people's relationship lives. Relationships are only one aspect of life and one can live without it.

even a toilet cleaner has the right to judge other people's intelligence without having the same educational status. If he is paying taxes and has a job, then how does that make his social status any different than ours? If he can earn his dignity through labour without depending on someone else to feed him, then he has earned his worth and demonstrated his intelligence. He does not need a PhD. Being intelligent does not imply freedom from paying taxes to the government or utmost freedom to live life as one would wish to. There are rules you have to follow in every aspect of life.

Phd in mainland Europe is announced as a job vacancy precisely for this reason. It is not treated as a previlege and helps to maintain equality in all spheres of their society. If you are toilet cleaner in Switzerland, it's not the same as being a toilet cleaner in England. Social status comes with responsibility to fulfill towards law and respecting the rule of the land and rules do not distinguish based on educational status and certainly not on relationship status. All they care is taxes.

The point Dunkham is trying to make is :work and education do not predict your ability to love and clearly, do not predict intelligence . Love is not bounded and cannot be defined. But, every vocation requires intelligence, Including the vocation of love. Every vocation has rules. Some rules are written down in books (PhD regulations in universities) and some are unwritten rules as in love. In that sense, PhD is a previlege as it has a a definite outcome and is predictable unlike relationships/love in which there is no gurantee of how long it will last unless that is what you can communicate to right at the outset and you can commit.

Dunkham is also right when he says the longer you delay in the vocation of love, the difficult it gets to compromise your standards and requirements you want the person to meet and very difficult to lower down your standards before committing. But, not everybody can choose when's and what's in love life.

It's not about finding someone uninteresting because they are 'boring' but more because it is about 'perfection' which just does not exist. Hence, the longer one waits, the more you want a perfect relationship which does not exist. One has to put an effort and it is hard work just like PhD is. There aren't any short cuts.

Bewildered- I can totally see your point. That is how it should be in reality. Only names of recommenders should be allowed during initial screening and used only when the employers feel they need it as an extra validation process. But, sometimes, it goes beyond this. Like in the U.S., letters of reference for jobs should be submitted along with the job application! That totally ruins everything for me because right now, there is just no way I am in a position to feel confident about my supervisors but the dilemma is you have to apply a year in advance for positions starting next year.

Asha8200 you are brave in trying to share your desire to not be single and I am warmed up towards your pure honesty in sharing this with us. Like others here, I am also just sharing what I know without knowing your exact circumstances so obviously it's going to sound very general. At the end of the day, PhD is more important and you have earned it and I know you are proud just like we all feel. I stand by what I know and only wish that things get more happier for you as they seem to me already are starting with your PhD this term. Surely, it will open doors to share your happiness with someone who truly deserves.

Enjoy your PhD life, it is exciting and hope you are going to teach as well. Mentoring is very satisfying. Personal wellbeing and happiness is equally important.

Hope someone suitable will come your way you soon. The people I know who usually are in your kind of situation are also the ones who seem to be not very adventurous and not enough experienced in other aspects of life out of fear ther they will compromise on one thing over another. As a result, they don't make a very good company because all they talk is about career. They have no real life story or experience to share which helps to have a companion. Next time when you do like someone, try being a bit mysterious about your occupation and keep them guessing. If you reveal it at once then it spoils everything. Let them take over the conversation and you be a good listener and then share your views and try to portray yourself to know a lot without acting to be so. That really helps to get through for a second meeting. Probably from thereon, things can heat up. If not, at least you can brag if having some dating experience and that definitely makes you an interesting person. People these days like multidimensional personalities , something that can stretch their imaginations the way the books don't. Once you know more about the person, then talk about things they probably will,find interesting to know more about as they don't know. But, if they already like you, then probably, they will automatically talk things that you like to talk about.....