It's not your fault haha - this is something I'll worry about regardless :/

I can't imagine writing this much even if I had a deadline...



Had an email this evening from IT saying it's solved - so hopefully it's true this time and hopefully it will help!! (And I found a new corridor today too)



Scripts were ~3500 (though measured in page limit instead of word limit - another peeve of mine)



This is a big worry. I've had problems with depression/anxiety previously and I really don't want to be down that route again (though feels inevitable at times).

Thanks for replying :) Marking has gradually got quicker for me. 15 minutes or less is realistic for an exam paper, but definitely not for the lab reports! Unfortunately I can't streamline the process a lot because the lecturers have their specified ways in which all the TAs must mark...though in reality I think most of the problem for me is down to the reading thing!!



(see I even had to read&respond to those 2 posts because I couldn't remember what I'd read)

At the moment I stuggle to even fit 8h into my day because of wandering attention and lack of focus - I'm probably working about 10 hours but a large proportion of it is spent not actually working, if that makes sense. I get what you mean about isolation though, I live alone too and work at home some days - then sometimes going into the office is a cure for one problem and a cause of another!

Tomorrow I'm going to try and solve some programming problems, not least of which is that IT still haven't re-installed the software on my computer (despite a month of requesting...) which makes me fed up before I even start...I am trying the one-thing-at-a-time thing though, I just can't seem to keep focus when I actually start on the one task I've said I'd do in the day...

Thanks for your reply :)

Yeah I'm funded on a 'demonstratorship' so I have teaching and marking to do as a condition of my funding...supposedly an average of 6 hours per week, but with marking that's never going to happen.

I do tend to co-read-and-write as you mentioned, though occasionally it worries me as the reading and the writing are both slow. I've been able to do that to some extent with marking (though when moderation happens I'll have no contribution to make because I can't remember), and literature review is progressing at about 250words per week... Some of it is over-stress though, like I get stressed on seeing (and hearing about, excessively) how much writing other people do - I try not to compare as I know they're doing completely different things, but what often happens is:

Me "I feel like I haven't achieved much today" (having read one paper)
Colleague "Oh don't worry about it, all I've done today is read 3 papers and written 2000 words!!" <-this colleague in particular seems to make it competition-like, and also somehow transform anything I mention into something about her, which peas me off as well.

Definitely feeling like a rabbit in headlights though, so much seems to be expected at the moment (with little or no guidance or instruction, even for teaching-stuff, which keeps making me look stupid in front of students) and my supervisors are awkward to get a hold of, even when I have a specific question - who knows what I can even say if I did get a meeting with any of them!!

And when I said "I can't read", of course I know that this is a preposterous notion, given that it would have been impossible to get where I am without being able to read. What I mean is, I seem to have lost the attention and memory capacities required to read effectively or with any kind of speed faster than a snail crawling over the words. Marking papers has highlighted this especially, because I get to the end of a section, say 500 words, and am seemingly unable to write feedback because I simply can't remember a single word I just read.

It seems to be even worse when trying to read for my research.

I seem to do that all of the time at the moment.

I'm nearly 4 months in, and I just don't know what to do with myself half the time. Some days I sit at my desk looking around and wondering what I should be using that time for - now it's not that I don't have things to do, I have many. I should be making an attempt at a literature review (I should be reading, but I can't read - I'll get to that); I should be programming my experiment, or perhaps pilot-testing because I'm worried that my stimuli will not produce the perceptions that I actually want to study...; I should be marking my undergrads' exam papers... etc etc etc

Marking has taken a lot of time recently, and on mentioning that to my supervisor as I saw her casually whilst getting a drink from the kitchen, she tells me not to spend too much time on it - only 15 minutes per paper (which is impossible, quickest I've done one is 40 mins) and tells me I need to hurry up with my programming.

So rather than a 10 minute chill-break, I came back with extra stress, only to continue to stare at my computer wondering what on earth I'm supposed to be doing. And when I do finally settle on a task, either I can't focus on it for long enough to make observable progress, or it takes me "longer than it should".

Anyone else?

I'm looking into the HC1 form (low income/help with costs) but finding it rather awkward - as with many things, the 'student' section seems to be aimed purely at undergraduate students...in your experience is it worth bothering with this? Will it be yet another case where the dual-sided coin of PhD identity fails me, i.e. "You're a student, you can't get x" or "You have a salary/income, you can't get x"?

A related issue for anyone with asthma - are you able to purchase two inhalers on the same prescription? I have been able to do this for about 12 years, yet the most recent time I was given two separate prescriptions, each with one inhaler (n.b. both are exactly the same - I usually just get one sheet with 2x on it)...meaning that if I wanted both, I would have had to pay £16.10 - TWICE as much as if it had been all written on one sheet!

I realise this is more of a moan than an actual question but any advice is welcome... :)

I began my PhD 3 months after graduating with my BSc (Hons) degree, so in my case a MRes/MSc didn't make a difference...though of course it depends on where you want to apply and what your competition is like. For example, I lost out on a different studentship because another applicant had done an MSc which included research directly relevant to the proposed PhD topic...

And yes, I am a full-time student, though given my supervisor's frequent comments about how he could never do a 9-5 working pattern, and the fact that I've worked ridiculous hours recently, you'd think it might not be assumed that I have no commitments on the one last Friday before christmas......

Thanks for the reply :)

Normally I do rearrange things when I can but this time has really driven me mad. The day they're currently going for is the ONE day I could do this month to collect and take my dog to the vets, which takes ages due to logistics, and the vets being perpetually behind-schedule anyway...and any meeting that day would mean that I can't even collect the dog from my sister's house in time. And then I'm going to a conference this week too for two days so I can literally do they day that one of them rejected, or one other day.

This is frustrating in itself, but even more so as it makes me feel like I am being way too inflexible - but what am I meant to do?

(Of course there's also hat it's the last "working" week before christmas)

For instance

Supervisor 1: Shall we meet next Wednesday?
Me: Yes that works for me, are you available supervisor 2?
Supervisor 2: No. Let's do Friday.
Supervisor 1: Yes, that works for me, can you book a meeting room, M?
Me: ...

Where is the "Is Friday ok for you, M?"

(Am I getting a little bit TOO mad about this?)

Usually I suggest meeting times, one of my supervisors agrees, other disagrees (it tends to alternate between which one) - one of them suggests another time, the other agrees, and I have to agree to that (or go through the fuss of not being able to arrange a meeting for ages).

Which is fine, when the time is convenient and I'm not teaching or anything.

But it is not cool when I've already made plans to be away from the office that day!

Does this happen to other people? What are your opinions?

No, this kind of thing happens occasionally unfortunately. With my previous supervisor, it was usually lateness as a result of delayed trains...

Replace your idea of 'professional' with 'academic'. Academics get so much piled in their direction, they often get double or triple booked...or get stuck in meetings that over-run.

Not always the case...my most recent counsellor suggested that I drop out of university...back then as much as now, 4 years later, I know that would have been the worst possible move!

When I get far too anxious, I try to think" You are the best at what you do, even if only because you are the only person who does what you do" (The second part at least is always true).