Bilbo, it is very impressing what you describe. You have to live with this uncertainty every day – that sounds very hard.
I will train your attitude and be more open and make clear when a deadline is too tough for me.


DrunkenMunchkin, I am now – let's say since I started this thread – convincing myself to talk to my supervisor. I have been acting so many years and I was proud of that. I was proud that nobody had an idea of what is really going on with me. It is probably time to change it.

Thank you so much for your replies:they are very kind and helpful.
I guess I really have to be open with my supervisor! My pride is always a problem. Its so personal and nothing that I like to share with people from work.
I was crying big part of the day and almost drowning in self-pity, but you helped me out of this. It feels good that others have similar problems and manage them. Sometimes I am not strong enough to fight self-pity ;-)

@Sneaks
Its horrible when others don't take your pain for serious. Its similar in my case: I seem to be very strong so I dont get help easily. People have the feeling that I can manage everything. But I cant.

@Keenbean
My disease is also mental. It is there for very long time (more than 10 years) and I had extreme episodes in my life. I have weeks of „normal“ life but mostly I was/am fighting. In my life happened things that damaged me and I am not able to repair this.
It still happens that mental diseases are not taken serious, as if you just need the „will“ to change it. So I am VERY shy to mention it. I cant stand a discussion in this way and I am afraid of stupid comments.
The different kinds of work are a good idea, I will copy this idea! But still there's a problem when I have deadlines.

@BilboBaggins
It must have been really difficult for you to manage this. I do compare myself the others and that's very stupid. I am fully aware but not strong enough to change it. How did you get this attitude? It needs a very strong personality to stand what you describe...

(This is not written very well, I had a awful day and I am not used to write in English.)
Thanks again for your words. What I am interested in: What do you do with very bad moments? For example a deadline you must skip and tell your supervisor the reason. What are your strategies for reducing the pressure?

Who is she? In which way is she the lady for this?

Hi everybody!
I am new in this forum.
And I have kind of big problem and I am looking for people who have similar troubles. For about ten years I have a chronic disease. The last months I had very big troubles with working and with doing my dissertation. I have two jobs (one is for my supervisor) and my PhD. of course. In good times it works, but as I said, the last months were pretty bad. This morning I got a mail from my supervisor, that he is slightly pissed. I can understand that, and as well he is not really satisfied with the progress of my dissertation.
That brings me really down. I have a high opinion of him, but I am afraid I will loose his support, because of the job and because of the dissertation. Sure I can tell him, that there is some health issue in my life. But what stays: It changes things. I am so sick of this burden, that keeps me from the things I love to do.

So I am interested in your experience. Who of you has a similar problem? The topic is not what kind of disease one suffers from, they all, when chronically, have the same outcome: You have worse results than your colleagues.

That makes me very desperate in this moment and I must confess, I even thought about quitting my PhD.