Just an update.

Today I found out I've been released from bail. Technically I can still be charged if new evidence comes to light - but the sense of relief is amazing. I'm a free man!

So thanks for advice just to crack on and see what happens. I am now a full time PhD student - and have been for a short while. I'm not sure if I'm right for it, but time will tell. But I was seriously considering not giving myself a chance and I'm glad I did.

I shall now have to make myself behave - as I can't be going through this again.

Stop beating yourself up. It's not a lack of motivation - it's depression. And it is something you can work through.

Firstly take some time out from the stress and the feeling of you "should be working". I like to take walks - or give myself breaks. For me these can be watching one show of a series or calling my gf.

Secondly have a list of things you need to do. They can be small things. Read X paper. Or write X number of words. Reward yourself with a tea break or something after each one.

No one needs to work 18 hours a day. If they do they are probably spending 10 hours being inefficient. People won't like that but it's the truth.

No it won't involve vulnerable people. And I wouldn't dream of applying for a role which would compromise myself or anyone who put trust in me. It's in science and will involve me, myself and a lab. The closest I'll get to vulnerable people is walking part undergraduates.

I actually have a Linkdin - but I don't have twitter. I'll look into that. Cheers.

Thanks guys. I expected people to be a lot more judgmental than this. I'll certainly be doing it. I don't want to say too much (I will start at a none standard date which could give the game away). I actually have my next bail date 3 days before I'm meant to start. I've been putting off looking for housing simply because I've been unsure. But my life has been on hold for 8 month now and I need to get on with it. I know how long the process takes and may as well do something productive with my time.

If I am charged then I can show I've changed my ways with a PhD. And if I get a suspended sentence I might even be able to continue. Realistically it's nothing that would make the uni worry for others safety - and if I'm doing good work it might make them want to give me a chance. If they chose to kick me out then I'll live with that. But it should be fun having a go and seeing if I'm any good.

Cheers again.

Cheers. I'll keep my mouth shut and hope for the best. At least I'll have the stipend to live on.

I do have some serious reservations. Although it wasn't a serious thing really (think performance enhancing drugs for team mates) it is in the local papers. So if anyone googles my name they will be able to work it out instantly. And it seems perfectly possible someone could google my name just to see if I've published anything. And that would be more than a bit awkward. Especially how it was written up - which made me look like something out of the Sopranos.

If I do end up getting charged (which is what I think it likely to happen) is it possible to get an MRes in a year? I would like to have something to focus on rather than just being in limbo feeling like I am wasting my time. I think I can work like an idiot for a year if it's doable.

This is going to sound really really random.

I've been offered a PhD - and it's at a good uni in a good department. I'm not really sure why they accepted me - but they have. I'm looking forward to starting with them.

My problem is i'm currently on bail for a number of things. Without going into all the details I was accused of being a drug dealer. And realistically i'm probably going to be charged at some point. I've already been on bail for 8 months and the police are taking there time. If I do get charged then it would likely to be a year before any trial or sentencing. But if I am convicted I'll probably be looking at a few years in prison.

So should I tell the department that there is this possibility? Obviously it doesn't look great - and my concern is they might withdraw the offer. Or should I just crack on wth it - and if worst case happens leave after a year potentially with and MRes?