Masters difficulty...

S

I'm on a masters course and have funding to continue to a PhD afterwards, however I've been finding it incredibly difficult to focus and lacking in confidence. It's in Engineering.

In fact I'm already on an extension for my first project report and I skipped on the presentation since I couldn't deal with the high anxiety/stress. I have depression also which is bad some days and other days I can be ok enough to go into uni to do my work.

It's not that I'm not capable enough, I am. It's just I expect so much from myself that it's never good enough, I realise I do this, but it still gets me down. which then in turn actually disables me.

Now, I'm just thinking I'm going to fail it anyway and I've messed up so much, all my supervisors know >.< how terrible I can become with not going into uni enough, and just hiding away in my room not wanting to interact with people. :-(

I don't know whether to just give up already or keep going? I only have less than 2 months left, 1 whole project to complete and another project write up to complete. Is it possible? Or am is it beyond repair and I should just drop it and change career paths?

Not sure why I'm writing this, wondering if anyone else can relate I guess?

D

Hello Stranger! I think pretty much everyone can relate. Graduate work is stressful. On top of that, you acknowledge that you're a perfectionist and very hard on yourself. You didn't specify whether you've been diagnosed with clinical depression, or just feel depressed about the current circumstances. Either way, would it be helpful to talk with a therapist? Does your school have someone on staff at health services?

As you already know, getting enough rest, eating properly, and exercising are important when you're working hard to meet deadlines. Spending time with friends and talking about something other than school is also important.

If you were swimming, and found yourself in deep water, the worst thing you could do is panic. In the same way, it sounds like you're panicking right now, and just need to take a deep breath, regroup, and do the best you can.

S

I had medicine for anxiety/stress and sleep problems, but for the depression, my doctor wanted to prescribe me something, but I wasn't sure...so I said I need time to decide and didn't get back. Therapy was suggested to me by the counsellor too, but I went for a short term fix with the anxiety medication so I could complete this first project...it didn't work, helped me sleep for a couple of nights better, but doesn't seem to work any more. :/

I guess I should register for a counselling again.

H

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It's entirely understandable that you went for the shorter term solution in order to help you get through this phase in your project. However, to continue with your PhD, I would strongly recommend investing time in longer term solutions like counselling. A PhD can be a stressful experience for even the most confident person, so it's important to find ways of coping with the ups and downs.

You also need to make peace with the feeling that what you're doing is 'never good enough', or reframe that in a more positive way. Even the best researchers don't have it all sussed - which is probably what motivates them to continue. I'd recommend having a read of this: http://jcs.biologists.org/content/121/11/1771.full.pdf

You'll find that issues such as anxiety, imposter syndrome, and mental health issues are not at all uncommon in academia. Which is not a good thing, but the point is that you may well find people around you who have had similar experiences and who may be able to give you very relevant support and advice.

Keep going with the masters, you're nearly there. :)

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