Hello everyone. I am aware that this has been a hot topic over the last few weeks but I was wondering if anyone could shed light on my particular situation! I recently initiated contact with a lecturer who has been showing interest in me. I went to meet her yesterday, after several seminars in which she was blatantly staring at me and showing signs of interest. Well, I went to see her at her office, and she was quite distant. Is it possible that she's afraid of what could happen if she and I were to kick something off? I'm getting mixed signals off her. She hasn't been in touch since I visited her, and a friend told me that she's probably scared of the reprocutions. P.S: She's not connected to my PhD work in any way. Should I email her? leave it to her to initiate contact now?

I understand that she's in a more volatile position than me. It's a shame really, because we really hit it off, and I'm annoyed that politics have gotten in the way. Yet, I understand her position.

My question is: What should I do next? Should I leave it, and wait until she's been in touch first?

Was she alone in her office when you initiated contact?

Do you really want this to kick off or is it just the kick of the special situation?

Whatever you decide to do, think about two questions: 1. How will any further action affect your professionalism? Including your reputation. 2.How will any further action affect your PhD progress?

I think going to her office may not have been a wise move. That is her environment, so to speak, and if you're going to get together, do so on more neutral ground where you are both likely to be more comfortable.

I don't think there is anything wrong with the situation, but I'd advise against pursuing it in a seminar situation. Ask her for drinks if that's what the other students sometimes do.

wait, wait.. are you interested in her? that should be the first question..

I think there is something in the water....

They should rename this 'The Luuuvvv Forum'

it's may! the month of love and romance.

will all be over in a few weeks

I love this forum. And this forum loves love!!

I wonder if she feels playful on neutral ground like Error404 said, but then felt a bit 'pursued' and perhaps not so in control when you went to her office... I would say maybe best to take a step back and wait for her to come to you a bit more. She probably has a few reservations, being a lecturer, and may need more time than you to warm into the situ.

Does your dept go out for drinks?

How exciting!

Sorry everyone! I left out a crucial bit! She told me that I was welcome to pop by her office for a chat, so I did. Now that I've had a chance to really think about this though, I've decided to hold back and just drop it. I really wouldn't want anyone to feel they've been put in a compromised position. (to the romantics out there, sorry for being so boring!!!) She's not emailed me since I visited her, and I think it's best if I just leave it.

I'll drop it for now, and then if she does get in touch, then I'll decide what to do next. I'm basically going to leave it to her, as she's the one in the delicate position really.

I usually take initiative in "romance", it just feels right for a guy. anyway, hope for some updates soon!

As she's a lec., I realistically can't see her approaching you. What you need to do is ask her for drinks, or coffee if that seems less threatening. If you already have a friendly relationship, this should be acceptable. If your phd-group socializes, then ask her along to that. I really think you need to initiate something in a non-work related environment to have a hope of anything else.

nowadays, all the romances are like suspensions.. don't know where it is going in..