Agree completely Leanne. You should definitely wait. A house is far more important than the wedding. if you want to be fully put off a wedding go on you and your wedding forum, they are crazy on there!

oh I know I joined that forum when we first got engaged - crazy!! put me off a large 'traditional' wedding that's for sure!! ;-) x

haha, I post as sneakyb on there. Its quite fun to wind them up - a little mean perhaps but they take it so seriously!

you mean you don't take cream vs. ivory chair covers to be a serious issue!?!? ;-)

don't forget the chair sashes - and they must match the organza favour bags! Seriously wouldn't bother with all that. We had a barn dance and it was HECTIC RUDE BOY! Sorry - think my pain killers are making me crazy

barn dance sounds great!! we are planning a wedding abroad with a big party when we get back - not a chair sash or organza bag in sight!! :-)
xx

Hi LeannePhD,

I reckon I'm in a fairly situation to you. I'm 24, left home at 18 and have lived with my boyfriend for almost 6 years now, including the 4 years of my undergrad. All the way through college, he paid the vast majority of the bills. I helped him out as much as possible with my part-time work but he has a very high-paying, though unfufilling job and so could earn 4 times what I did in an hour.

So we decided that we would put off even getting engaged until I graduated so that we could make plans for the future. Unfortunately, I graduated at the worst possible time (recession!) and so decided to start a PhD (although I always wanted to get into academia but had intended to get a few years of work experience first).

My boyfriend was considering returning to uni full-time to do another undergrad degree in a subject that he was interested in (he later decided against this when he was reminded how much work/time was required of me to complete my degree) and so the idea was that I would work and pay most of the bills for the next few years. Now, our plans have been totally up-ended. We have to stay put until I complete (3 years time, fingers crossed!) and although my boyfriend is very supportive, I am quite aware of the fact that I am so focused on PhD that I don't really think about getting married or settling down much anymore. It just seems impossible to do both at the same time.

Now, I may be wrong about that and hopfully I am but basically I'm just saying that my life is also on hold until I complete the PhD (which I am loving by the way) and figure out which country we will both be useful in ( he has restrictions regarding which countries his profeccional license is valid in and so in certain places has to go back to uni for a year due to differing laws which he must learn about).

I'm thinking "next 3 years are PhD time, after that real life starts"

I really don't understand why people "delay getting married" because of a PhD.

Why not just think of the PhD as a 3 year contract job. Many people work on much shorter contracts, as well as longer or permanent roles. Doesn't stop them getting married. Sure, the money's not great, but those with a half decent (tax free) funding and some teaching, coupled with student discounts inc. council tax it can easily be equivalent to something earning £20k in a regular job. Not great, but certainly not low enough to put one's life on hold.

I don't get what special or different about a PhD that holds people back.

Hi Leanne,

I'm not even half way through my PhD. Like you, my sister got engaged after me and had her wedding this summer. I kept moving mine for later thinking PhD first.I thought I would finish PhD this year, but now I see it's going to last one more year or two. Now we've started planning our wedding, my partner doing most of it. I don't want to let PhD take over my life. With family I can finish PhD much later or maybe not finish at all, but it will not be the end of world. Everything will be just fine.

Ev - I to love doing a PhD and would never change that. It is difficult trying to balance your and your partner career/training aspirations isn't it? I sometimes feel like he is waiting for me to finish so he can move on with his career!! Has your boyfriend completely decided against going back to uni now or do you think that could change?


Clv101 - Personally we don't want to compromise on our wedding plans and would rather wait until we can afford to pay for a wedding without getting in to debt. It's different for everyone, but my priorities are different. It's not the PhD that is holding me back, but the uncertainty of jobs afterwards. If I spent several thousands on my wedding (which is what most weddings cost) then found myself unemployed for several months I would regret getting married, which is something I never want to do. Also, we didn't get engaged until winter my 1st year, which meant by the time we saved enough to pay for a wedding we would be happy with, the wedding would be during my final year which - as I've said in earlier posts - would I believe be too much stress for me while writing up. Everyone's situation is different, but we have agreed to wait after several long long conversations planning our future and have decided that waiting is best for us.

L x

Hi Sheyna
I'm on target to finish for next summer (2010) - barring any disasters!! - and we'll hopefully get married in 2011. I know we have a lifetime toghter, so there is no rush. As I've said I'm just ready to move on to the next stage of my life! Have you set a date for the wedding yet?
xx