CONFUSED!

C

Hi everyone,

This is my first post- I follow this forum when I need to understand what faces me in my relentless PhD journey. I'm nearing the end of my first yr and haven't a clue. I started happy with my research but now its come to a slump. I havent done much work since mid July my supervisors don't even know how I feel about whats going on. I'm feeling like I should drop out because I feel like I'm not being productive- I can't work cause I hate sitting into it but when Im not doning I feel unsettled. Can anyone here give me advice, my friends are great but they don't understand what doing a PhD is like. Social life has also gone to pot cause each day I want to work thus, I wont go out so I can work and don't do work. Thinking of running away? Anyone wver experience this, honest advice please

S

Hi Curiouscat

Yes, most of us have felt like you're feeling I think. You need to talk to your supervisors - they'd be used to students feeling unmotivated and a bit lost, so you need to have a chat to get you back on track. It sounds to me like you need a bit more structure to your studies - and your life. Do you have a workplan? Have you worked out small, achievable goals that you can meet? This will help to focus you and also give you a sense of achievement, which in turn, further motivates. As lots of others have said on other posts, make a list of what you need to do, and then cross off each task as it's done. Build in rewards. And plan to have a social life, so when you're out, or relaxing, you can do that and not feel guilty. Don't run away - this will just make you feel worse! Once you work out a plan and start working towards it, you'll feel better.

C

Sue, thank you so much for getting back to me I'm having a temporary meltdown- I am a natural stress head but I just want to get away from it- first conference next week so thats panicking me I suppose. Do you still think I can turn it around? I got IRCHSS starting this Oct so thats the only thing keeping me in the programme but to be honest my supervisors not ideal and my co-sup doesn't seem to be available theres also obvious personality clash between them which puts me in an awkward position. I'm not a natural academic I just worked my arse off for my Masters and kinda fell into the PhD cause I did well. I'm having my second reeview in Oct and I'm going to get leathered. They already set me off after the first one which knocked my confidence and then felt guilty and tried to pick me up.My main supervisor has his own agendas and gives me loads of his work to do on the first yr and at the review sat back silently while I got taken apart. It really frustrating and as result my research suffered- Im at a point mow where I need to do massive catching up and I don't know if its possible at this late stage. My research topic has gone to dust - can't find a suitable gap and thing I'm flogging a dead horse with it. I will try the plans though.

Thanks for getting back to me, I really needed advice from someone who's been through/going through the process - (laughing at myself now for crying but its soul destroying- Im a good worker generally its all just sunk on me).

B

Sue2604's advice is spot on. I think your situation is totally turn-roundable, but you've got to talk candidly to your supervisor, and start getting back into the swing of things. I'm constantly having to do this myself due to being knocked out due to illness. I'm a firm believer in the use of to-do lists to get things going again. Draw up lists of things to do and start picking off the most appealing ones (or least unappealing?!). This will get you on the right track again and build up your confidence, and so the cycle carries on. Good luck.

C

Quote From BilboBaggins:

Sue2604's advice is spot on. I think your situation is totally turn-roundable, but you've got to talk candidly to your supervisor, and start getting back into the swing of things. I'm constantly having to do this myself due to being knocked out due to illness. I'm a firm believer in the use of to-do lists to get things going again. Draw up lists of things to do and start picking off the most appealing ones (or least unappealing?!). This will get you on the right track again and build up your confidence, and so the cycle carries on. Good luck.


Thanks Bilbo, I think I'm going to start a to-do-list tomorrow and actually commit to this one I'm giving it 1 more year and hopefully it will turn around if not I'll accpet defeat- at least I know I tried I guess.

S

Quote From Curiouscat:

I'm not a natural academic I just worked my arse off for my Masters and kinda fell into the PhD cause I did well. I'm having my second reeview in Oct and I'm going to get leathered. They already set me off after the first one which knocked my confidence and then felt guilty and tried to pick me up. My main supervisor has his own agendas and gives me loads of his work to do on the first yr and at the review sat back silently while I got taken apart. It really frustrating and as result my research suffered- Im at a point mow where I need to do massive catching up and I don't know if its possible at this late stage. My research topic has gone to dust - can't find a suitable gap and thing I'm flogging a dead horse with it....
...  (laughing at myself now for crying but its soul destroying- Im a good worker generally its all just sunk on me).


Don't cry! That'll just make you feel worse! Or ok, have a cry, so you can get it out of your system, then go for a walk, call a friend, go shopping - do something to reorient yourself. Talk to your supervisor about the review and work out a plan. Work out what you'll have done by Oct, and have plans for your next year - this will show the reviewers that you've done some work and know how to go forward. Your sup doesn't sound very supportive! And it also sounds hard with a co-sup who doesn't get on with the main one. But talk to them both about the review and how they can help you prepare, and face the reviewers. And can you say no to doing his work? Or at least make it so that you do his work after you've done yours?

And I think there are very few natural academics - there are some geniuses out there, but for most of us, I think, it's just sheer bloody hard work. And bluff! I've found that if I work hard enough, this overcomes any spark of brilliance I may be lacking!

Now, go and do something nice for yourself, come back to the PhD tomorrow, and then start a list of work to do and topics to discuss with your sup.

P

Hey Cat,
I definitely know how you feel.  Like Sue said, we all go through this, but no one talks about it publicly. You need to get your social life back, your friends and freedom can save you in the dark work times.  It may seem like you don't have time for a social life, but the depression of no social life will hurt your work more than the few hours outside. As mentioned before, make a list of small, short term goals - the smaller the better. Each day, assign yourself work that you think should take you just a few hours.  When you've completed it, check it off, praise yourself for completing your day's work and be done. Do this for a few weeks and see if you don't start getting out of your slump.  Eventually, if you're really finishing off all of your work in a few hours then you can consider upping your goals, but don't push it - this is a marathon not a sprint. I'm tracking my own progression through tough times as well as posting tips I figure out along the way on my blog www.phddepression.com if you want to check it out.

Good luck.

Avatar for Eska

======= Date Modified 29 Aug 2009 10:24:23 =======
[quote]Quote From Curiouscat:


I'm not a natural academic I just worked my arse off for my Masters and kinda fell into the PhD cause I did well.


Cat - everybody works their arse off for their Masters - but not everybody does well, so to my mind you are ahead of the game. I'd bet my collection of paintings (my most treasured possessions) that everyone who reaches the top in this game, or even the middle rung, has absolutely worked their arse off!! I mean, look at Bug, she's got repetitive strain injury in her hands FGS. I think what matters more is whether or not you enjoy what you are doing, if you're not into it, then maybe that's why you think you are not a 'natural'; and, personally, I think that if you can easily loose touch with what you love about your research if you sacrifice too much for it.



Which leads to:



More generally, I agree with the other posters, you need a balance of social life, relaxation and work - otherwise you will loose motivation or blow a gaskett, burn out and be unable to enjoy any success you achieve. Set out some designated time when you are not allowed to work, and enjoy yourself. Also speak to your sup about this situation, it may not be as bad as you think, most PhDs go through phases with their work, and your sup probably understands that.

P.s. I haven't figure out how to end the quote thing so please excuse the formatting!

J

firstly, get yourself a copy of Dunleavy's 'Authoring a PhD', and read it. Then do a draft of the chapters you need, then a plan of your whole PhD process, it doesn't have to be one you stick to, it will just give you an idea of where you are going and when you expect to get to each stage, be it researching, rough drafts etc. This will give you a bit of a base to get going on. Plan what you are going to do and when, for instance 'on Monday I will got to the library and research X for a couple of hours, come home, write half a page or so, print it, file it, or however you keep your notes.' build in some spare time, go out and have some fun, if something comes up, go for it, your research can take a back seat for a while, it will always be there, other opportunities not so much.  If your supervisor is giving you too much to do, tell them, if they don't back you up at meetings, make sure the rest of the people know, say something like 'you remember whilst I was trying to do X you asked me to do Y, so I had to spread my available time between the two' or something that implies to the said super - well I had to do something for you, so why are you not telling them this then?

research always has peaks and troughs, go with the flow, sometimes you will be brimming over with enthusiasm, other times cleaning the floor seems a much better option:$ don't panic about where you are now, it will work out (p. s., if you do run away, the PhD monster will come after you ;-))

P

======= Date Modified 29 Aug 2009 13:19:10 =======
to add to eska, yes, while i love my work tremendously, it comes with the attendant complexity of this: if you dont strike a balance, and if you ignore warnings early on, then you will sometime find that you cannot (i mean physcially cannot) get to what you love the most ~(in my case, from when I was a tiny little girl till today, my most precious, prized, beloved activity being writing...writing and writing)

So what happens when a person whose greatest joy is writing, has hand injury and cannot type with both hands and types this text here in 15 mins?

Hence, even when you feel a lot piling up, take a break, sit back, disconnect.

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