======= Date Modified 10 34 2010 13:34:21 =======
:-(

I don't know what's wrong with me - I've done hardly any work this week so far or last week either.

For the last few months I've had the problem of not knowing where to draw the line with working hours. i.e. working every weekend and leaving the office at 10 or 11pm weekdays. And I'm only halfway through first year. I think the main reason is that I'm panicking because Im still trying to get a proposal together and it's in an area thst I have no experience in whatsoever. It takes me a really long time to get my head around the concepts discussed in the papers because the subject is very technical and abstract.

It feels like I've given up and admitted defeat. I'm finding it really hard to motivate myself for the last while and spend hours in the office aimlessy trawling the web or worse, watching tv shows online. Neither of my supervisors are experts in my area so cannot really guide me much. These days I spend only 7 or 8 hours per day trying to work and have taken the last 3 weekends off. I feel really guilty about this especially since I don't have a clear idea of the subject fof my PhD yet.

My subject area is one that hasn't been looked at all really and it spans 3 very diverse and enormous subject areas. Everything that we are trying to do is being attempted for the first time. I like a challenge, in fact that was the reason I chose my specific undergrad in the first place but I am feeling very overwhelmed. I'm really starting to doubt that what we are doing is possible.

Sorry, I've gone off on a bit of a tangent, it just all feels quite hopeless at the moment.

I think I feel very similar - as you've probably seen on my accountability thread, my sup is not just useless but quite irritatingly destructive with my work, flitting between ideas, not remembering what she has asked me to do etc. I have totally lost all motivation and am desparately trying to think of ways of getting this back (even printing out a picture of a big book - similar to a thesis- and sticking it on my desk).

I think the only thing to do is to get on, as this feeling will last forever if I don't move on and start the next thing.

Your post suggests you are suffering from a little burn out. Don't beat yourself up for 'only work 7-8 hours' Christ - if I did that it would be a mircale. Don't forget that some people can do as much in an hour as another person does in 3 days. Watching tv at your desk is a major no no, not becasue watching tv is bad, its because you need to get away from your screen and your desk for your down time. Its better to take a day on the sofa watching chick flicks and then start work afresh than to constantly be in 'half work mode'

Now I will go and swallow my own medicine!

Sneaks your supervisor sounds terrible- poor you having to try to follow ever-changing directions and having to re-do work so many times. You must be one very patient lady!

I'm still not making much progress - I think it feels worse because I'm searching for information that doesn't seem to exist. Instead of reading papers and being able to say x, y and z have already been done, I find myself reading papers that sound like they may have information which may be of use and then discovering that the authors seem to be discussing the topic without having conducted any experiments as such. So it feels like I'm going round in circles - hence the demotivation:-(