First 'I want to give up' point

K

An article I submitted for a very minor journal has been rejected. I knew it would be- I had to seriously rush the thing, which wasn't my fault as I had so much else going on. There is a slim possibility of publishing in another, bigger, journal at the end of this month if I take on board feedback and make it better but I also have my mid-point review at the end of this month and my documents for that need a lot of work if I even want to pass.
I won't get an academic job at the end of the PhD, that's pretty much guaranteed. I'm very young, I come from an ex-poly university and I'm going to struggle to get any publications from the looks of things.
It is impossible to get everything done that is being asked of me unless I want to survive on 3 hours sleep for the next year and a half and I'm just not willing to do that anymore.
I thought I was a tough cookie but I seriously don't know if I'm cut out for this anymore.

W

I'm actually quite angered reading this. Not at you, of course! You've basically described me and where I am right now. I've got some quite relevant stuff I'd like to say here, but it's going to take me a while to type. I'll post it later on. Just hang on in there, Keep_Calm.

F

Just want to say hang on in there and add a voice of support. From the accountability thread you sound like you've got so much going on and are doing really well at building a good cv at an early stage. Getting an academic job is going to be tough for anyone, but I really don't think your age and uni will hold you back. And I definitely don't think this one rejection will mean you won't get any other publications. But it's horrible to feel like this, and overwhelming, so know you have some virtual good wishes.

K

Thank you both,

I don't really know why I posted other than to get the feelings out somehow, but it's lovely to hear voices of support. I suppose this has been my first real slap in the face from academia and I'm trying to square up for more....I don't know what else to say at the moment but will come back later.

Thank you again.

K

Hey Keep_Calm. Sorry to hear you're having a tough time. I'm about halfway through my PhD now and for the first time I am beginning to feel as though I am getting behind and it feels like more and more work is being asked of me and I just don't know how I am going to fit it all in. Like you, it's not that I won't work hard- but there just aren't enough hours in the day to do everything that my sup wants me to do. I have supervision in an hour and I may well have to make my voice heard on this one as otherwise I think I'm going to have a break down. Luckily I enjoy my work and my topic, which helps tremendously, but I'm not superman and the day only has 24 hours in it. So I feel for you. It sounds like you are a tough cookie, and I reckon you will get through this patch, so try to keep plodding and keep your chin up :) Best, KB

M

You *are* a tough cookie. You always will be too.

Sometimes journals reject things for the strangest reasons or simply because the specific reviewer(s) didn't 'get' or like your piece. It can be very subjective, don't let it get you down.

Sometimes reminding yourself of all the other good things in life helps you gain perspective so you realise the phd is only part of this. "I'm alive" by Kenny Chesney reminded me of this.

Perspective > less panic > relaxing > positive mental state > work more efficiently > better work in less time > success AND sanity!

Hope things pick up soon. hugs.

kitty

B

I would prioritise your mid-point review right now over trying to rewrite, but please don't despair about never getting anything published. There isn't an academic on the planet who hasn't had things rejected from journals, and felt awful and an absolute fraud at that moment in time. Have you told your supervisor that you're feeling like this? Maybe you could get the paperwork for the review in and then take a week off to regroup. You never think sensibly when you're tired so please don't make a rash decision on quitting.
A few random thoughts that then might be worth thinking about: You are absolutely right to think that most PhDs don't get (or want) academic jobs, and the job market thanks to the cuts is appalling, but you know something, I have lots of friends with PhDs working in non-academic jobs and enjoying them. Would a PhD help get you into alternative careers that you might enjoy? You're also right that academia isn't exactly the cushy employment that many outsiders think it is: there are stupid hours and you need to be emotionally pretty resilient to cope with work being rejected, students being horrible to you and outsiders whinging on and on about ivory towers etc. So if you decide it's not for you, and thus took that pressure to be the perfect candidate off you, would that make the PhD process feel less awful? And then I guess, would you regret not finishing something you'd started if you did quit? Are there ways to negotiate with your supervisor to make the PhD less life-consuming?
Sorry just rambling now, but please eat chocolate, go for a drink, have a cry, go to the gym - whatever you find is best when you're upset, do that.

W

I recently had an article rejected, Keep_Calm - and it did knock the wind out of me and my progress. I'm still trying to regather bits of my motivation to carry on in fact. Some journal article editors are just nobs in my opinion, often with a political agenda behind what they publish. And it really annoys me sometimes because you're essentially giving them something for free that represents all your hard work, blood, sweat and tears.
I come from an ex-poly like you as well - two in fact. And, yep, it can be harder for those of us who come from ex-polys - don't care what anyone says. As I think bewildered said below, with such an impossibly large amount of work, you need to see you sup and try and sort something - a manageable work load. You're not a drone and you do need a semblance of a normal life, even doing a PhD. You run the risk of burning out and getting utterly fed up with things - no matter how tough you are.
You're obviously more than capable of getting a PhD, but it's a marathon and you have to pace yourself, sometimes by walking and rarely by sprinting. It's not you not being good enough. It's you being more than capable but having too much to do. You need recreational time and you also need time to sleep properly - even prisoner's on death row get that.
As for not getting an academic job at the end of it - there's another year and a half for you yet. However, true this may be, try not to make an obstacle of it before you have to and look for alternative solutions a little closer to the time.
You'll get your PhD, of that there's no doubt. See if you can negotiate your work load and get yourself some relaxation time.

P

You will definitely be able to get past this little setback - I bet the better journal will accept the paper as you will have had more time to think about it and will have had pointers from the previous journal's comments, and in the end you'll feel great!

I don't think the uni and age will stop you getting an academic job. It seems very tough out there at the moment though and I am feeling like the career might not be for me as I don't have the strong drive like so many here on the forum! I feel it's a pretty bad sign that I'm getting my "i want to give up point" so soon! xx

P

Dear Keep Calm -

Ok - here's my 2 p. You are perhaps *the* most committed student I have seen (well, cyber 'seen' is a part of seeing). I do not say this because of the method and commitment evidenced in your posts on the accountability thread - but at the wide range of activities you are consciously sustaining. I see a lot of myself in you, I did 2 Masters, which took 2 plus 1 year, else I too would have started a PhD at 21, and ended up starting at 23. I too am loving the schedule of teaching, writing, conference apps, this and that.

Remember your joy at doing a great talk the other day? Or your sup's praise of you? Or the fact that you have your interests sorted out this early?

Can any of us ever imagine that something we send to a journal will never be rejected? Yet, none of us can deny the sinking feeling we get on being rejected.

Let yourself feel bad a bit. THen count what's against you. ANd then - count what's for you. Passion, method, capability - everything, I could go on.

Give yourself space to recover from this - for when we are tiny in the large scheme of things called academia, tiny blows hurt a *lot*.

Keep calm, Keep-calm :) as your name says

Bug

K

======= Date Modified 08 Mar 2010 21:36:56 =======
======= Date Modified 08 Mar 2010 21:02:42 =======
Thanks so much everybody,

I haven't thought about my workload much today and whether or not I'm going to try for the second journal as I'm still feeling fragile so have just done a little teaching prep (REALLY don't want to teach tomorrow. Today's events have been combined with stupid, stupid boy trouble so I feel like I'm just being rejected from all angles!
I know I need a break; I can't remember the last time I intentionally took a week off. I'm not sure I ever have. But then part of me thinks: what am I going to do on a break? I have barely any friends left and the ones I do I rarely see them. I would just spend a week being reminded of how alone I've become.
I will e-mail sup tomorrow and explain some of my worries. He's a lovely man and has always said he would be there if times got hard so maybe it's time to test his mettle (although he doesn't need to know about my silly love life).
Sorry I can't get together a more coherent reply at the moment folks but, again, thank you so much.

ETA: Oh Bug I didn't see your post, you lovely person. I've got something in my eye now.
ETA 2: My sister just texted me: 'THE UNIVERSE IS NOT REJECTING YOU.' Made me laugh, finally!

B

I really feel for you. But you NEED a break and it needn't make you feel bad if you spend it alone, even if it feels like the sky is falling in on all fronts right now. A week off where you predominantly sleep and just catch up on the sleep deficit can be enormously rewarding even if it sounds dull! It saved my sanity at a low PhD point.What do you enjoy doing on your own? How about booking into a youth hostel and have a couple of days walking somewhere pretty enjoying the beginning of spring? Or if you're like me and love reading: read nothing but trashy novels in your favourite genre for a week. Or obsessively haunt the cheap flights sites for a flight to a city you'd love to visit for a bit of a meander. Just spend a week indulging yourself.



K

Hello all,

I thought I'd give a quick update as you were all so kind when I needed it. I'm glad to say I'm feeling a lot better. I think (embarrasingly) it was the combination of being sort-of dumped and the journal rejection which made me feel so bad. I've not yet told my supervisor or read the journal feedback, but I plan to do both of those things next week when I'll hopefully be feeling back on form.
I've still been working this week but just taking things a bit more slowly and not making my usual to-do lists. Those usually motivate me but I felt like it would be an extra pressure this week so I've just been slowly getting through bits and pieces. I've also decided- call me crazy if you like- that I am going to submit to the second journal at the end of this month. The paper which this article is based on is the one I gave back at a conference in January which I got a LOT of positive feedback from, and this second journal is a special edition tied in with that conference. It's the best opportunity I can see I'm going to get to publish this article and if I can be brave then the feedback I've got from the first should really help.
It's going to be a tough couple of weeks combined with my mid-point review but I've made a sensible plan and I have some fun things going on outside work. Then, in April, I will see about taking a few days off.
I went to a talk last night which was in my discipline (literature) but not at all connected to my studies and I found it totally fascinating and was absorbed for the entire thing. It reminded me how much I love my subject and how much I would miss not being able to study it any more. If I don't get a job at the end of this then I can at least say I spent three (crazy, intense and at times heartbreaking) years studying something I love.
So again thanks everyone, and I hope normal service will be resumed shortly (up)

M

So glad to hear you're taking things a little easier and getting your feet back under you again. Submitting to the second journal sounds like it might even have been the best plan anyway and now you have extra feedback to make it even better.

P.S. so few people in this world will ever be able to say they worked at something they loved. Sometimes thinking of all these jealous people keeps me going :)

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