Half way through but feeling very tired and unmotivated

P

I think I've hit the PhD wall! I'm full-time but will probably need the full four years to finish. I'm just starting my third year which means I'm only half way through and still have two years to go. But I'm beginning to feel unmotivated (or is that demotivated) and can't think about all the work I have to do. I'm going to have to work full time in my fourth year and now I've started to get worried about that and whether I'll be able to find a job.
My supervisor has been great and is very encouraging abourt my work, but as I've said in previous posts the rest of my panel are pretty negative and I've been led to believe that they will let me get on with it and then they will seriously think about whether I can submit after these four years. With that cloud over my head I have started to think is it worth all the work I need to put in. If after four years I can't submit or fail if I do, I'll have wasted all that time. I won't be able to get the job in academia I want so will have to think about other areas of work, and I'm in my 40s so it's going to be difficult. I'm just tired all the time at the moment and when I have a lie in at the weekends I feel guilty for not working. I imagine doing a 'proper' job and having money and free time and at the moment it seems like a good idea.

Avatar for Eska

Hey Pamw, sorry to hear you are down in the dumps! I'm sure the lull in motivation will pass - you will come through the wall.

I think getting the panel/methods situation sorted if possible would be a priority - that must, as you say, be very demoralising. Does your sup think the panel would drop you in it? and is your sup's word reliable? I know how rubbish this sounds, but I may be tempted, as a last resort, to compromise to get the PhD, and then use the new methods for your own research. I'm not sure how far this would be possible, or if it would work, some people are just arsey for the sake of it. But have you thought about it? I just think you should get your PhD and be able to move forward with your career - it sounds like it means a lot to you and you'd have much to give. Just a thought because I REALLY want you to get your PhD!!!!!! 

B

Hitting the doldrums at this stage is extremely common. It happened to me 2 years ago - I'm part-time - and I was extremely pessimistic about completing for the next year or so. But I kept going, and things have picked up.

Having said that your panel situation is a concern, and I agree that getting more advice about it would be a good idea. Mind you I've been uncertain throughout about whether I'd be able to finish, due to a life-threatening progressive illness. So I've had that hanging over me, but have kept going. Then again there's not much else I could do job-wise :)

Good luck!

W

Pamw, I can completely empathise with you. I'm about as far along as you and I feel highly demotivated. Quite frequently I wake up on the morning and think, 'sack this sxxt, I'm off'. The pressure is awful, time demands terrible - it has resulted in the break up of my long term relationship (a sad story in itself) - and like you, I try not to think about the enormous amount of work ahead. The storm hasn't even begun for me proper as far as my PhD work is concerned. And, yes, looks like I'm going to need that 4th year too!
As a previous poster said, what concerns and infuriates me is the attitude of your panel. What kind of encouragement is it for you if they are so negative? That's just bloody crushing. Could you talk to your supervisor about what they think and see what he/she has to say about it? Afterall, a PhD is a learning process and a journey that you need to demonstrate, and problems like this that you encounter are all part of the rich tapestry, and you want to make sure that your objectives are achievable. I wouldn't give up though, Pamw. To get to do a PhD, you are clearly a talented individual - don't lose it. The last thing to remember is: you a HIGHLY unlike to fail. I attended a recent lecture at my uni, presented by a group of wizened professors, on advice on doing a PhD. One of the overriding themes was: PhD failures are very uncommon. Hang in there. :-)

M

======= Date Modified 16 Mar 2009 06:03:45 =======
On the subject of failing, I was told by an instructor that teaches on those Grad School courses that roughly 10 per cent of candidates fail their PhD - we were given a full break-down of those who pass, pass with minors, pass with majors, pass with MPhil and fail. Frankly, the stats were quite scary, but I'm not convinced they reflect the current reality as I know some very, very average PhD students who have passed.

P

What's passing with majors and minors for a PhD? Or were you not talking of a PhD? I often wondered if there were any kind sof grades or similar grading phenomenon for PhDs...

M

======= Date Modified 16 Mar 2009 07:09:04 =======
No, it's not grades, just shorthand for pass with minor corrections (normally a month to re-submit or sometime the corrections can just be done immediately after the viva) and pass with major corrections/'referred' (i.e. 3 months or 18 months to resubmitted with revisions).

I cannot remember the percentage breakdown for all the stages, but it was 10% pass with no corrections, and 10% fail. The biggest two categories were pass with minor or major corrections.

There are no grades at PhD, it is ultimately pass or fail, but I have seen a CV stating ' PhD [with no corrections]'. I suppose the 'grade' element is reflected in whether or not its published.

P

Thanks for the support everybody, I knew I would get it on here. I've e-mailed my supervisor as I'm seeing her next week and told her how I'm feeling and that apart from her I don't think I am getting enough support from the panel, especially as I am part of a wider project, so should be being encouraged. We had talked about me speaking to someone in a pastoral capacity so I've asked her to arrange that.
It's so difficult to know whether what I'm doing is worth it when my supervisor is so encouraging on one hand and on the other the panel members don't even seem to think that what am doing will be worth submitting but they will let me 'run with it' and then decide. I don't have the time, money, patience or enthusiasm to 'run' with something for two years without more support and the knowledge that it will lead somewhere.

S

hi pamw, well done for taking such positive steps to get this sorted out, it seems ridiculous that the panel are being so unsupportive of you and would let you just carry on for another 2 years without knowing what will happen. i am a bit baffled by this attitude - surely they want you to egt a phd and so should be abit more constructive and supportive?! hopefully your supervisor will be able to get some answers for you and get you on track. good luck and don't give up without a fight! :-s

S

Of course it's demotivating being told to 'run with it' and not knowing if you will submit or not. Your supervisor must surely see that that is intolerable for you. But how is the decision to submit made exactly and by whom? They are not the examiners, after all. Sometimes I think you can definitley have too many cooks on a PHD project.

Is it clear to you what their objections are exactly?

P

Actually it's not really clear what their objections are. At my last meeting I presented a chapter which I had been working on with my supervisor which she said was good. Part of it is being published as well. My other two panel members were surprised as it wasn't what they were expecting! I'm part of a project but the main area of the project is different to what I'm doing and my only real input is to provide images for the final database they are producing which I can as I have thousands of them. So from the data I have collected I have formulated my own research and am approaching the evidence from a different angle to how it is usually approached and because it has already been done. I'm in Art History, and rather than take a descriptive approach I am taking a more theoretical and contextual approach. This doesn't seem to be what they wanted, expected or have experience of in their own work. I've talked with my supervisor about internal and external examiners and both suggestions who we both thought of independently are not in the field of the two panel members and are much more theoretical so when(if) I get to that stage I hope that my examiners would be more sympathetic to my research. However, it is so demoralising when time after time the panel are so negative.

R

Pam, that sounds a horrible situation to be in and it's not surprising you feel demotivated. It's great that you're getting something published though - surely that will give credibility to your methods as far as your negative panel members are concerned?

I might be wrong, but it sounds from what you've written that you're breaking new ground methodologically with your topic and perhaps challenging the way your panel members have worked up till now. Do you think you're damaging their academic egos because they're so set in their ways or rooted in particular disciplines that they can't (won't) see the value of new perspectives maybe? Apologies if I've got the totally wrong idea, but if I was supervised by traditional established dress historians rather than academics involved with the newer critical interdisciplinary fashion theory, I think I would have been in the same situation as you. I did replace an early member of my team because she was so restricted by her own background that she was completely blinkered to what my project was doing and was more of a negative hindrance than any help.

I hope your supervisor can find a way round this so you get your motivation back. Is it possible to replace any of the panel members or add another from the same way of thinking as your supervisor, to balance out the feedback?

P

Again thanks to everyone for your support but in particular RubyW and Eska as you both seem to understand the problems I am having because of the area I am working in and it is encouraging to hear both your opinions as it does make me feel that it is not me who is at fault but that I am trying to do something different in an area which is set in its ways. I am trying to get another panel member and she is reading my chapter at the moment so I can see what she thinks of my methods and ideas.
RubyW - I'd be interested to hear more about your experiences if you want to PM me.

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