I have a fellow student in the same field as me who uses every conversation opportunity as a means to brag about the potentials in her life. She keeps telling me how she will potentially do X , Y and Z and often I feel drained listening. I would be fine with it if I felt she was sincere in her passion but she seems to be chasing the big names in our field purely to secure her position as someone noteworthy. She doesn't seem to really care for the area we are in, and keeps dropping names into the conversation when we talk in order to cement her position in my eyes. She also keeps questioning what I am getting up to academically... which would be fine if she were a friend who actually cared, but she seems driven to compete with me. This may sound childish but when we sit to take notes together when a speaker is giving a talk on our area, I can see her looking at what I've written down and writing it down herself. Am I to take this episode as a bizarre compliment or what? I'm very tired of her bragging!

How do you cope with a bragging colleague?

I can think of several ways to have a bit of fun with this...

It sounds to me like she's very insecure of herself. If she were truly confident she would not be writing down what you've just written she would be thinking of her own ideas. Potential is one thing but turning it into something concrete is quite another and she seems a bit lost looking to you and the big names for validation of her own self worth. I personally wouldn't be bothered by her but you can always try to phase her out by mirroring her behaviour - asking her very specific questions about what she's doing academically etc. If you challenge her in this way she will probably find it exhausting and unnerving conversing with you and she may gradually stop talking to you or maybe she will tone it down and talk to you about other things.

Hi Brutus

I'm afraid bragging is not confined to academia.  Plenty of it occurs in most workplaces/ sports clubs/ interest groups etc.

Try not to let it annoy you.  This person is probably annoying other people as well.  Just remember 'empty vessels make most sound'.

Angelette

I agree with Milly_Cat - it sounds like major insecurity in her own ability. It's not bad thing to be ambitious and driven and competitive - but it sounds as if it's "for show" more than for genuine ambition. Angelette makes a good point - have plenty of those in the workplace, people who want to "be seen" but not actually do anything to deserve it.

Is she like it with other students as well or just you? If it's just you then... well it's not difficult to work out what I would suggest next :-x

Although this may sound strange I would take the bragging as a compliment - you are obviously considered more than an equal, hence the constant need to impress some sort of assumed superiority and to unsettle you in your own mind. I have had this myself and yes it is draining - it is an intended part of the drama. I would ignore it, focus on yourself, your dreams and what you want to do. If she was the genuine article then there wouldn't be all the 'noise'. The louder on the outside, the smaller on the inside!! Whilst I would encourage amicable relations between students there is, ultimately, the option of telling her to shut up which, I would imagine, might do a great deal of good rather than harm for your relationship in the long run! all the best from a fellow (and recently successful) phd candidate.

I've had something similar myself from a student who had a massive crush on her supervisor and was struggling with her work as a result. She also had a crush on my supervisor and kept accusing me of feeling the same way about him, trying to undermine me while also trying to convince herself that I was some kind of science groupie like her and we were in the same boat. She eventually had to give up when she realised I was getting good results and evidently wasn't getting as distracted as she was- she tried to accuse me of being "lucky" but everyone knew how hard I worked and how much she skived off so that didn't work. Just remember there's no possibility of faking it in science- researchers are supposed to be independent and people who lack ability and don't put the work in will get caught out.