Hi Smilodon

Thank you very very much for your helps and sharing your experience with me. I fell a bit better when i posted ther and much better now. I was afraid people will judge me. Thank you.

Yes, i totaly agree with you. The PhD is NOT a person's life. I fell I am ony like a isolated prisoner with certain seemingly freedom.

Dear Angle

Thank you for your understanding and kindness .................................................

Bless

Dear Lara

I couldn't thank you more for what you've written. Now, I make my mind to speak to the counseller in our uni tomorrow. Then, I will report the result and my next step here if you don't fell annoyed by me.

Lara, thank you.

Bless

Dear Juno

Thank you very very much for your post. I am so lucky for finding this forum. Yes, you are right. I am far far away from my home, my families and friends. I know they all love me and care about me so much. That's why I can't bear to expose any little bit worries of mine to them. I am sure any suffering what i've been going through will double for them if they get to know.

Thank you Juno. I will speak to out counseller tomorrow. And will report to you all here if you guys would like to continue to bear my speaking and support me.

Yes, you and Smilodon are right. 3am is a bad time to think or reflect life-related things, especially during this tough period. Sigh..

Bless

Hi Sabrina,

We all have hard time during our PhD journeys, some more than others, but overall everyone struggles at a point. You are not alone, there are many caring people in this forum whom you can share your problems with. From your post I believe that you are from an eastern culture (like me) that emphasises a lot on the family and society. I understand that the family/society can be very harsh in judging a person by his/her achievements or lack of them. But don't care about them, do what you want to do, not what others expect you to do. Do the PhD because you want to do it, not because you have to!!!

I struggled a lot during my PhD, but I kept thinking about it as an experience, you stand, then you walk, then you fall, but u have to stand again and keep walking and eventually you will reach what you want. It is a long learning process and we should not be afraid to make mistakes. Most people can't understand how stressful a PhD can be, so you did the right thing by posting in this forum, since all of us understand what you are going through.

Take things easily, day by day and step by step. Focus on the most important thing first, which is now your health, other things can and should wait. When you feel better and your confidence has returned you can then deal with the PhD.

Best wishes,
K

Dear Hartigan

Thank you sooo much for all what you said to me. You are so right, so many time has being sucked. Terrible. OMG, how stupid I am.

Thank you

Bless

Dear Joyce

Thank you sooo much for your comfort and advices. I will take what you all advised-- speak to a counseller of our uni tomorrow. Yes, I do be a new in this area. Totally new form my previous area. Sigh, my own decision. And I do fell better when I am reading your guys posts and replying. I fell i am not lonely or helpless at all. Thank you.

Bless

All of friends here:

Although I've already replied all posts individually, still please allow me to thank you all again. This is abslute my first time to post this kind of so personal stuff online. To be honest, I didn't expect too much from here at the beginning, I thougt there was nobody would be intersted in me, let alone help. I even worried whether I will receive some cynical comments. I was so afraid of cold words. If i didn't fell so desperate, helpless, lonely and terrified, I will never ever dare to ask help vie internet. But, things've turned out to be so unexpected. You know what? I kept crying when I read your replies, so warm, kind and genuine. Thanks god. There is this forum in this world. And, i didn't miss it.

A whole-hearted thank you for all your kindness

Bless

You see-as soon as you start talking to people about these stuff, things start to improve! Very glad you feel better already!
Please let us know about your progress!!
:-)

Hi Sabrina,

I've been following your thread, but didn't get a chance to post before, sorry about that. I'm so glad to hear that things are brighten up for you and that at least you get a different (not so negative) perspective that allows you to see your options. I just wanted to add that if you'd like to discuss the content of your research, perhaps you'd post some details about it and, I'm sure, people depending on their areas will help. I for once know that this is a huge source of frustration and disappointment, since sometimes even when you are doing fine, you can not know because there is no one around to discuss progress or to compare yourself with others; academic departments and supervisors are not great at this.

How are you getting on otherwise? We'd love to hear from you :-)

You can get through this.

I remember when I was aproaching my viva and I was crying hysterically on my bed, thinking that if I failed.. my life would be over - Yes, people are right when they say 'Other things in the world are more important' but at the time *my* PhD was *the* most important thing in my life... I mean, we do it over a number of years, day in.. day out - so I think should you have every right to feel like it's a big part of your life and don't feel guilty for that.

You are probably faced with an awful lot of self doubt, worry, and fear: Can you finish this? What still needs to be done? What if you fail? How will you tell people?

Ignore them and focus on primary question:

What can I do to make me pass my PhD?

If you feel your research has lost direction, stop.. and refocus... if you feel you are being pulled in too many directions, stop and make some decisions... There are usually ways to sort these things out and sometimes the BEST thing you can do is take a break, even for 24 hours, a weekend... clear your head and before you go... ask yourself 2 or 3 main PhD questions you wish to solve. Then, after your break, you come back... and you tackle one or more of these questions.

You have to drag yourself up as noone else will.. you need to think about your graduation day, think about how happy you will be that you can call yourself 'Doctor' and think that once your viva is over, the pressure lifted from your shoulders will be immense - only you can get to that day... so don't panic, break all problems up and keep going.

I've said it before, but the biggest challenge of my PhD wasn't the intellectual stuff ( 'cos I am not that bright) it was the flipping determination I had to show.. day after day... revision after revision.. it was utterly, utterly crap - but I am very glad I didn't give up and that was the right choice for me.

Best of luck :-)

pc_geek

you sound to strike a chord here, you have said v important thing v simply

phd is a very challenging undertaking which will expose you to many faces of yourself
and more than intelligence it is the inetrnal strength that will make us overcome whatever is that holding us back.