I am a mediocre grad student. Yet my supervisor approved a extension of my PhD for another whole year (including funds).

When I left college I came directly to work with him in a highly competitive institution. He offered my few projects, and since, 4 year ago I was an arrogant kid that thought that can solve everything, I chose the toughest one. My field is mathematical physics, working in spherical and rotating fluids.
Well, now I have FINALLY 2 papers in preparation, after zero publication. 1 extra years seems to be ok, I felt secure that everything will run smoothly after years of depression.

When I started to work with him, I was asked to derive a paper of him. At that time the paper looked like "chinese" to me. I derived it almost entirely, and based all my research in some results of that paper.

Checking at my notes from almost 4 years ago. I found out that there was a exclamation mark near one of the equations of my supervisor's paper. I couldn't get one of his results. Keeping track of the implications of that, and now that I am a little more flunet in "chinese" I found out that this mistakes,, leads to HUGE BAD CONSEQUENCES.

For the people who knows about partial differential equations, this is the tipical 3-d ugly equation that, given some approximation and assumptions becomes separable, i.e, easy to solve, with reliable eigenvectors and eigenvalues.

Well, one of the assumptions doesn't lead to separation of variables, therefore the equation is not easy to solve, and the results presented in that paper (at the time, there were very few other papers addressing the problem, with different approaches to solve the equations) are put into a question mark.

I've been working with these equations during my whole PhD believing in the result.

I can learn how to solve 3-d ugly equations, but that's a new thesis project by itself, so far I never done it, it takes a lot of computer programing efforts, and the results may not be publisheable.

I'm under a tremendous anxiety and pressure. I feel like I wasted my youth and time. I have no excuses and I don't know what to say to my advisor. I suppose to derive the paper entirely in the past and I didn't do it perfectly. Which bring the consequences I'm getting now.

I'm sure I'm not gonna get more funds, I also cost quite much as an international student. I've been suffering of depression, but since I got my papers ready to be published, I found a second boost to my spirit. heck I was working quite efficiently the last 4 months and I was willing to work 14-16 hrs a day in order to get my PhD in a year.

Now I feel totally lost, I'm sure about this results, very nasty thoughts are coming to my mind. I've been fighting to get this PhD so much, and suddenly it seems I wont have papers to apply for jobs, and I wont be able even to finish. I am really panicking. I know what I'm talking about, this is a huge problem, and I'm sure about the mistake.

What should I do?
Thanks

first of all, take a long deep breath.

and second of all you are NOT a mediocre grad student!! are you kidding me, anyone who does mathematical physics is an intelligent student in my books!!

and third, do not panic. there is always a solution to everything, and nothing is ever a failure! and finding something wrong, is no reflection on you!

trust me, i was given a crappy project that did not work for 5 years!! it was only in my 6th year i finally did my own project that i started to get results. and time is never wasted, you always learn something.

and fourthly, well done for you for spotting the mistake, and i am impressed by your knowledge of what seems to be like very very very complicated stuff!!

some quotes i found inspiring :
{quotes}
"You have the right to be wrong

Let your ideas fail, let your skills prove their inadequacy, and let your knowledge reveal its limits. None of that is the real you anyway.

When you fail you discover your boundaries. You map out the edges of your capabilities. And this allows you to eventually move beyond them."

The Law of Feedback states: there is no failure; there is only feedback. Successful people look at mistakes as outcomes or results, not as failure. Unsuccessful people look at mistakes as permanent and personal.

Buckminster Fuller wrote, "Whatever humans have learned had to be learned as a consequence only of trial and error experience. Humans have learned only through mistakes."

Bold, decisive action. Do something scary. Fear of failure immobilizes you. To overcome this fear, you must act. When you act, act boldly.

Failure is about behavior, outcomes, and results. Failure is not a personality characteristic. Although what you do may not give you the result you wanted, it doesn’t mean you are a failure. Because you made a mistake, doesn’t mean that you are a failure.{end quote}

okay now for pragmatic advice.

my first advice would be to perhaps (if you havent done so already) is logically go through each of the "problems" and mistakes one by one, and write it down. explain why you think its wrong, and then write down all the repurcussions it will have. DO NOT WORRY about publications! that is not important, focus on your phd thesis, trust me, although papers are nice to have, they are not essential. and you can still get your phd , as long as you explain what you found etc. its not always about positive results.

now once you have written everything down and cleared your mind, its time to contact your supervisor and ask him for a meeting. i know its going to be hard, but noway to get around it. explain to him what you have found and make up a meeting agenda. you will just have to bite the bullet and tell him. im sure it will be okay in the end. these things happen and it doesnt mean your a failed phd student or a bad person, just be honest and see what happens.

good luck and let us know how you get on.

the only time we truly fail is when we give up. so give it your best shot and see what happens!

======= Date Modified 05 Sep 2008 22:54:19 =======
totally agree with LARA



first and foremost! take a deep breath



you said

"Checking at my notes from almost 4 years ago. I found out that there was a exclamation mark near one of the equations of my supervisor's paper. I couldn't get one of his results. Keeping track of the implications of that, and now that I am a little more flunet in "chinese" I found out that this mistakes,, leads to HUGE BAD CONSEQUENCES."



Have you discussed with your supervisor, how did he get that equation?

What do u mean by Mistake? Have you solved that equation and now are getting different results? I don't understand what is going on????



My advice:

Discuss the technical aspects with your supervisor, THERE will be a WAY OUT, i have a feeling you are freaking out a little too much



I simply cannot buy that one equation can undermine your five years of work. This is not the way things work. What I am trying to say is, you will be FINE, do not panic. take a break, keep telling yourself, it is not this bad as it seems.



We want to know, are you taking our advice seriously





;-)

and one more advice

what is with this name "wastedlife"???

please change it ....

if this is the way you will let anxiety overshadow e thing, you will definetly feel down.

sometimes when you are feeling down, some superficial efforts set into momentum more stronger changes. Like deciding to smile, will make you feel better. Change this name, you will feel better

======= Date Modified 05 Sep 2008 23:17:15 =======
Don't panic - this happens much more often than you might think. Very few people ever check the details of the maths in a paper. (I found 2 math errors in a paper of my sups during my MPhil and he was not thrilled.) Was this paper published and reviewed already?



I take it you have gone over this work carefully and calmly and checked you are correct. I have gone over my math models I don't know how many times after suddenly deciding they were wrong - and sometimes they were! Sometimes I really thought I was done for - but there is usually a way forward, just not always in the direction you thought you were going.



You must talk to your supervisor. He clearly didn't spot this either so you are in this together. Don't think about being an expensive student - that is not your problem at all and just due to the general policy of milking international students for every penny possible and more.



Your university should have a student counselling service - I really think you should make an appointment asap to talk about the stress you are under.



But whatever happens - it just isn't as dire as it looks to you right now, in the thick of it. You will get through this, one way or another.