Me again.

You told us that your father passed away last year; I am sorry to hear this. It may be that your feelings are still connected to this; a year is not a long time. Anyway do not be hard on yourself for having sad feelings: they are not cowardly, they are human.

"Thank you Juno. I will speak to out counseller tomorrow. And will report to you all here if you guys would like to continue to bear my speaking and support me. "

We'd definitely like to hear from you! You're part of the forum family now
:-).

Glad you are feeling a bit better; I hope you see now that you are not alone, and that a lot of people have been in your shoes. It cannot be easy for anyone studying far from home. Is there anyone else from your home country at your university?

How big is the project; is it likely to be the biggest part of your PhD?

I've often found a bit of competitiveness amongst students; I've discussed my ideas with my colleagues only to hear, weeks later, someone tell me that so-and-so has had a great idea: and I think "Hmmm...now where did they get THAT idea?!". Someone else took a theory (well, a mini-theory) of mine and mentioned it in a paper: so now everyone thinks it was their theory. Even though I wrote it, with the data, in my lab book first, I didn't publish it, so I've pretty much lost ownership of it.

So I sympathise; the only way is not to miss any meetings cos you never know what will be said! And make sure everyone knows what you're working on: put your name to any results. That doesn't come naturally to me, but I do it now.

Angel of the north: It sounds like she went beyond what is considered constructive criticism and became personal. I suspect you have grounds for a formal complaint. If she had already decided you were not going to pass then surely there was no need to drag you though a gruelling viva? I would seriously look into asking for another viva, if that's possible.

Smrh: it's Aspergers syndrome: a mild form of autism (I think? I may be wrong).

Sue, I know a couple, but I don't think they subscribe to this forum! My ex-boss was an AS and he did pretty well on the scientific stuff but had trouble dealing with people like laywers/accountants etc. Mind you I think we all do...

Hey, Sabrina -

First of all: you must understand that you are not alone. You are not alone in your feelings: they are feelings that a lot of us recognise. And as Smilodon said, there is something about 3am that magnifies those feelings! And anyone who has shared those feelings will tell you - it will pass. Although it feels as if you will never be normal again - you will be. Your mind is playing tricks on you at the moment.

And you are not alone because there are a lot of people - trained, professional people, at your university - who are standing ready to help you. You just have to ask. As soon as you walk into the counsellors' office they will understand why you are there and they will begin to help you get better.

From your post it sounds like you are away from home; is that right? So don't be hard on yourself: it is not easy feeling sad away from home. I would ask you to call at your university student welfare office tommorow: they will have a counsellor available. Can you do that? And let us know what happens. Do keep in touch with us: you posted this message only a few hours ago and you have 6 friends already!

:-)

"the younger female PhDers here all make a tremendous amount of effort with their appearance, that sometimes coming to work feels like visiting the set of Hollyoaks. Its obvious they all spark each other off, so they have entered this "beauty arms-race".

I don't see that amongst our PhDs, but the undergrad girls go to a massive amount of trouble. You can't get to the bog between 8.30am and 9.30am for all the girls getting changed into their best clothes and putting jewellery on. Even as an undergrad I couldn't be bothered with that.

I know what you mean. I'm 32 and I have a few white hairs (which I'm dying blonde to give the illusion of highlights). I'm scared to weigh myself cos my trousers feel tight and am definitely more prone to overeating, especially when I'm in the lab alone at weekends or evenings.

Mind you, extra weight is not always a bad thing. A year or so ago I had this exchange with a Lebanese PhD student whose English wasn't brilliant. I had just lost a bit of weight, and he said to me:

"Him: You, er, become less?
Me: Sorry?
Him: You - become - LESS! (gesturing to my backside).
Me: Oh! Yes, a bit. Thank you!
Him: No. Do not thank. Was better before."

That still makes me smile. He'd probably like me better now, actually.

Apparently the recession of 1992 was bad; in fact I remember empty shelves in many of the local shops at that time. Being 16, my main annoyance was that I couldn't find any hair gel.

The government has already made drastic cuts in physics funding, but that was before any talk of recession. You would think recession would mean further cuts, but my economic knowledge hovers just above zero, so I don't really know.

Bill, I want to thank you for your numerous posts today: you make my whinging posts seem positively sunny by comparison.

Have a nice cup of tea and a lie down, will you?

Hmm...the only pencil test I know of measures something entirely different. And I fail it miserably.

"it came about from the days of slavery, where many enslaved women were raped by white men. This meant that the children born were seen as enslaved, taking the condition and ethnicity of their mother, and not the free white father."

Seems that whether children inherit the mother's or father's ethnicity is a matter of politics. In a lot of modern civil wars there is mass rape of civilian women by one group, with the intention (or so it is said) of making those women have children that are ethnically the aggressor. It always seemed to me that the child would take the mother's culture, not the agressors. Though I doubt very much that those rapists are really thinking about that: they're just being violent cos they're allowed to get away with it:-s

Lara: it may have been the viva, he wasn't the most eloquent of people. But I hope that examiners can see past viva nerves:$

"America constructs the idea of being "black" as anyone who has ANY sub-Saharan African ancestry, no matter what that person might look like."

This is probably what confused me; I didn't know that. I mean I'm white but my mother and several of my uncles could probably pass for "black" in the US (in that they're darker than, say, Colin Powell). Which might mean that there's some fairly recent black ancestry, but I wouldn't think of myself as mixed race. Pretty much everyone - esp in the US, I expect - is mixed ethnic by one definition or other.

Yes, I expect it's impossible for me as an outsider to really get the complexity: race does seem more social than biological in the US. I know I'm being very naive;-).