Hello,
So, I have been suffering from clinical depression. I'm taking an antidepressant, going to therapy, but still feeling like crap. I'm in my second year and until now I produced absolutely nothing. My GPA is good, but you guys know how GPA doesn't mean anything at grad school... I have been feeling so stupid, unable to think and concentrate, unable to have ideas... To let you guys know how much depression has affected my cognitive ability, yesterday I took the mini-mental test at my doctor's office and when she asked me to count down from one hundred by sevens, I stopped at 93 and said that I didn't know which was the next number!
I'm an international student, so I'm here by myself. I don't want to quit my PhD and go back to my country, but I feel sick and guilty for being unable to produce as much as my colleagues. I thought about going to the student disability service and get some help (I don't know what kind of accommodation I could ask for, though), but I'm afraid that people in my department would see me like an invalid, as someone that can't make a contribution. Also, I'm afraid that being a "student with disability" would make me have trouble to find a job in the future.
If you went through a similar situation, let me know how you managed it.