I started my PhD in 2009. Supposed to fninish in 2013.

I have nothing. Done all the empirical work, but haven´t really written much. I was funded and my funding ended a year ago, and I have not worked on it since. Think about it all the time - have tried again and again, but I get panic attacks just thinking about it. So I´ve just ignored it. Which of course doesn´t solve anything.

I moved overseas with one year to go on my PhD (supposed to spend my time writing it up), so I am now living in a different country. And today I received a letter saying that I am no longer a PhD student at my University back home. I haven´t talked to my supervisor in a year and pretty sure I´m not very welcome if I do. It was the final nail in the coffin I guess.

i´m so disappointed in myself. I´ve never not completed anything before. My parents are very disappointed too.

Thing is, I love my field of research. I actually work in it, with a University where I moved. They know I have struggled with my PhD, but not how much. My biggest fear is that something will happen and they won´t want me back either, because I completely dropped the ball on my PhD.

Everyone keeps saying just do it. Take one step at a time. But I just can´t.

I´ve tried to let go of it, but I can´t do that either.

Anyone in the same (or at least similar) boat? The worst is the feeling of utter failure :(