In a sense, it is a good sign that you wish for more independence from your super. I wouk suggst just putting on with it for a bit longer, and think about the benfits of actually having done the PhD.

As for the impostor syndrome. I cant really say anything informed because I am not an expert. Maybe talk to a uni consellor? But in my experience, I always feel like my achievemnts are partially down to luck. One way or the other however, things seems to be working out for me. I was recently awarded a postdoctoral fellowship. It could have been luck, but these things are usually competitive and it was my third try.

I guess what I am trying to say is: be proud of what you have achieved. If your super is so into your work, it must be because he likes you and what you do. Read around this forum, the norm seems to be that most supers are not like that.

My suggestion is to keep working, and in a few months you will get your certificate and from then on you will be on your own: no more supervision, no more feedback. Total academic independence. I am sure you will come to miss having somebody read your work and give you feedback.

Thank you Luca

Not sure what you mean by fun,

But I normally first write something down knowing its going to be crap, and that the real writing starts with rewriting.

It’s a bit like this: I dont feel daunted the first time because I expect it to be bad. Then the second time I go back to it I say to myself ‘does this make sense, can I argue against what I wrote here?’

So the game is trying to find faults with the things I wrote before. I am kind of criticising myself. I find it funny that my past self could be so wrong. “What was I thinking!’.

Thats my game.

Has anybody had the chance of doing postdoctoral reseach in Japan? How was your experience? What did you like/dislike?

A year into my PhD I was sick of reading about my initial topic. One day I opened the door to the PhD room and felt actually sick. I was ready to give up, but my super convinced me to change the focus of my project. It worked, and I got my PhD in 2014.

For me it got to the point where the I was just reading papers for the sake of reading them, not because I was looking for specific info. I now realised I was hoping to find some answers, some clues, because I had no idea of what interested me.

I think maybe it could be a sign? Maybe you're unhappy with you topic or the direction you're going and you need to re-evaluate it? It's nothing to be ashamed of, and it is normal to change your mind about stuff as you mature intellectually.

No previous research? Or do you mean, you havent done any research yet?

Because if it's the former, then I dont think it's a good idea to do a PhD on it. If it's the latter, then you should start reading. I think in about 2-3 months you shoud be able to gain enough insight in the field to be able to put together a proposal.

I agree with pm133, research at the MA level doesent really count for the PhD. I was wondering: what do you mean about lack of response? And being ostracised? Can you make specific examples?

In my experience dept. Politics were not an issue for me. Make sure to be polite to all the secretaries and the admin people, because (maybe unlike in the commercial world?) if you make enemies with Uni admins you will be well and truly fucked. Apart for that, it seems to me you are taking this pretty badly, feeling insecure and projecting these insecurities onto others.

I didnt suffer from mental health issues but I went to see a consellor at my uni toward the end of my first year because I was hating my research project and wanted to change the direction of my research.

In my experience at the beginning if the PhD I was not clear about what was expected of me and what my thesis shoukd have looked like. Things changed for me when I started thinking 'fuck this, it doese not have to be great, it just needs to be good enough to graduate'. After that it became easier to write.

Most importnstnthing for your mental health is your super. Its important to have somebody supportive.

Yes, espensive and useless.

You believed your computer was possessed? I think that is a clear sign of delusion. Something similar happened to friend of mine, and she also had to be hospitalized for some time because of that.

Sometimes the stress gets too much and its important to know when to switch off. People in academia may be odd in some ways but I also feel that people outside academia are even odder IMO. Nowadays in academia you need to be able to attract fundings and collaborate with others, and its unlikely to achieve either goal if you dont know how to get on with people.

One thing however: you speak of academia like its one big thing, but it's not! Academics are a varied bunch and universities are all different. Science deptartments are different from Humanities. Supers are individuals and unique. There is no such a thing as 'academia' - there is your super, there are examiners, there are secretaries who you deal with on a day to day basis. Everything else is irrelevant for a PhD student. You are not writing for academia, you are writing for 2 examiners. Nobody else will assess your thesis.

Hope this helps. I just wanted to say that you should not think about academics in too abstract terms at this point, or it may become another source of delusion.

I started my PhD in 2011 and my son was born in 2012, so I was looking after him throughout my PhD. I think, to be fair, that if you are living with your family and are not paying them rent or food, at least you have to help out when you can. I dont know how old you are but as an adult, there's no way you can simply live off the back of others and not give anything back. If you dont like, you can always move out.

My advice is to sit down with your family and try to work out a routine so that you can plan ahead; for me, I found that knowing that I had a limited time to write really helped me to focus on writing a certain amounts of words every afternoon. Besides, I felt really lonely as a PhD student so being with my son really helped me.