======= Date Modified 17 Sep 2010 20:36:54 =======
The problem is that we are all interested but it seems to be impossible to get everyone to agree on a date - any date. ALl of us have work/life considerations naturally which dont all coincide together at the same time :(

I have my thinking cap on, but I doubt there is a solution to this!!

ok!

As the title says, something end of this month? next week? week after?

Bug

Eska, honey (((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))). I can't imagine what you went through, oh goodness. I am mortally petrified of cancer, I dont even want to get started, my fear itself is a problem. Take as much time off as you need and get better. Oh sweetie, what a trauma it must have been.

This is in honour of the our first two 5 star winners. We shall all now bow to thee :-)

Here's to Sneaks and Wally!!

SNeaks you have FIVE stars?!?!??! ooooooooooooooh.

and you ate carrots. maybe thats why .

I'm submitting (apparently) full first draft 31st October, with 5 trips in between. Dont ask.

Hi 4Matt,

I did go through a similar phase except that mine was work induced. I did everything very young - went to uni at 17, completed two Masters by 22, started PhD at 23 and am 25 now and trying to submit in March when I'll just have had my 26th birthday. I got so bogged down my 3 paid jobs and a FT PhD in my first yr, I almost did nothing except work. Then suddenly somehow things fell back into normal space.

I agree with Bleebles that you need people in your life, not necessarily though would I say join a dating site and try to find a partner. Good friends, to hang out with, go for a pint with, chat with, share day to day stuff with - thats what you need. WHy dont you start hanging out a bit with uni folk? Join a class? A hobby group? ITs so tough to start these things and then they pay off.

As for finding a partner - I personally cant ever feel comfortable with getting to start knowing a new person with the parameters of 'dating' set i.e. where both know that its for dating purposes that you've met. I'd rather be friends first, and then see where things go. Takes longer, is punctuated by tons of unreciprocated emotions but good friendships but such is human nature :)

If you are comfortable with the partner search go for it! If not, try joining a group or hobby or class of some sort. Stay out for longer. Dont come home and just be on your own. And remember its always difficult to start off with these things, but eventually you get out of what seems like a bottomless rut right now!

For some reason I feel confident your query will shortly be answered by somebody, in a manner similar to a similar posting last year on the Monbukagakusho study guide....

I'm sorry. My three dogs back home - i cant imagine a single one of them not there. But right now is the time to let yourself think of the little goldie in the tank, who has no idea of the standards he has to live up to, no idea of the space he must try to fill, and most - no awareness of how bad he looks without any lipstick.

But it isn't his fault, so sooner or later you'll warm to him.

Yes, agree with Bleebles, feel sorry for can have many senses, in the sense you meant Jojo - I wouldnt feel either sorry for or pity for a guy who had hopes that you might like hi back.

And I think there is repulsion here - one of my excellent friends and I have (have had, and have) a situation where romantic affections are unreciprocated (At least as of now), and our friendship/rapport has been remarkably unaffected by this - perhaps its even stronger come to think of it. the situation is ongoing, it is even painful (for one of us), and we are comfortable enough to be able to talk about it (And tons of other things), but this all sees far less important than our rapport which pre-dated all of this, and will survive whatever happens in the long run as far as the romantic angle is concerned.

So, see - unreciprocated liking does not necessarily cause what you are feeling. You are repulsed by him for some reason and I agree, please do not contnue 'being friends'.

======= Date Modified 09 Sep 2010 20:44:55 =======
Ok, so, I'll try to explain this once more. By pity, even I understand 'feel sorry for'. And that's what I somehow cant manage to feel for people...maybe others can.

'Why couldn't you (like him)' - y question was rhetorical - I was asking, for the sake of argument, why would the guy not think a girl could like him, why would he think he was so lowly that Jojo would never like him? of course we all have lists and standards. But what I meant was, why would he automatically need to assume that X woman/Jojo/Bug/anyone would not like him. A guy with healthy self esteem should be thinking - why would she not like me, and not 'oh she would never like me'. So my question was not a question to you - i.e. Jojo why dont you like him (there could be N reasons, I dont even know him). My point was - why would it be so unimaginable for him to think you could like him. I'd like to think I am a person any guy might like - I wouldnt like to be a person who think OMG that guy is too good, he'd never like me.

So, in a nutshell, my comment was what he might/should be thinking and not asking you why you dont like him.

======= Date Modified 09 Sep 2010 20:00:11 =======

I do not want to come across as anything negative, but I just had to come back and say two things.

How can you feel you are in any position to 'pity' any person? I tried asking myself but I just dont feel big enough somehow, to even feel 'pity'. Sympathy, yes, concern yes, worry, yes, anger, dislike, even loathing yes. Pity? No. Second - how is he insulting your intellect by thinking you could like him? Why couldnt you? Why would he think the reverse - i.e. omg, this girl is too good for me, she would never like me. Why would he think that? Then he would have to have ridiculously low self esteem.

I fail to grasp what is so 'wrong' with him that he deserves pity, and what is so wrong with him that it would be a stretch for him to even imagine going out with you.

======= Date Modified 08 Sep 2010 20:52:46 =======
I dont know this person, but all I'll say is first, please try to not dislike him, if at all possible and second, he is not doing anything so profoundly weird IMO. there's one thing I can guarantee - individual rapports differ *so much* in these instances on non-reciprocation. To me it seems the two of you dont have a rapport/friendship that was strong enough to bear this weirdness. for in that case repulsion couldnt have happened I guess.

So, I guess the repulsion, stopping hugs etc is not ahppening because he is doing weird things, at least from what you say, or because it is a weird scenario - but because there needs to have been a stronger rapport that can exist/survive despite these romantic intricacies?

As for your last question - yup, many people fear commitment and relationships (me being one of them). For these people, if someone is so wonderful that even they feel ready for a relationship and are brave enough to accept that, then that someone is quite worth it IMO.

i am so useless. Today I did the arm machines, 15 cycles three times with just FIVE kilo weights did it for me. Arms are thrrobbing and pulsing as I type this immediately after!

My gym is in my uni so 2 mins walk from my department, so no reason not to go..

I did 10 mins treadmill at 6.5 kmph, so about 1.1 km, then 10 mins on the cycle at the required rpm, required heart rate, then 45 cycles with the 5 kilo weights and then 10 mins on the cross trainer.

Total hardly 35 mins but am tired!!


arrgh I am so useless, the others were just PRO!