Hi- advice gratefully received
My story starts about 3 years ago. I joined up with a supervisor at a great department and uni to begin a phd based on the themes developed in my msc thesis (in a department not best suited to develop it). It was so exciting but quite intimidating. We applied for ahrc funding and were unsuccessful but then the university gave me a scholarship for two years of fees. So I started my phd research whilst only being able to do 2 or 3 days a week and commuting through to the university. The supervisions were quite nerve wracking as I had two supervisors asking me questions and I was learning all the new terminology of a new research discipline (I moved from archaeology to geography) but I was sure, over time the nerves would end as I would get funding and be able to go full time and master it all. It wasn’t perfect as I was holding down 3 part time jobs and driving back and forth. But it would all be solved if an esrc bid was successful. But it wasn’t and 8 months into my phd research, I decided to take a year out to work to make sure I had a stable income. I was offered a permanent position once the year was nearly over and took it to ensure job security, which meant a second year delay on studies. I now have about 10 months left before I am due to resume studies and I’m getting nervous. I miss it most days but have got so much anxiety over not being able to manage it that I find it difficult to actually open my books and look over my notes and writings again to refresh. I have been planning for the past few months to spend this autumn trying to identify alternative funding routes through grants and trusts but I haven’t started yet as I procrastinate by doing the housework.
Has anyone else experienced this anxiety with returning to studies? Have you any suggestions on how to get over this or what course of action to take? I seem to be the type of person who will fail for fear of failing. Am I too far gone for this to succeed?