Overview of skyisnotthelimit

Overview

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skyisnotthelimit
Friday, 10 February 2017 at 12:20pm
Wednesday, 26 April 2017 at 7:09am
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page 1 of 2 recent posts

Thread: Feeling intimidated/bullied by my supervisor

posted
25-Apr-17, 06:43
Avatar for skyisnotthelimit
posted about 4 days ago
Hey Bluesky. So sorry to hear about what you are going through - but remember...there has to be rain in order for the sunshine to be appreciated after. I guess we all have different struggles throughout our PhD journeys and yours seems to be a bit too much now. My suggestion would be to talk it out. Sit down with him and tell him bluntly everything you wrote here and more. If I were you that's what I would do. I would tell him how his behaviour makes me feel and ask for explanations why. Maybe there is a reason why he is doing this, you never know. I am not saying a valid reason - but a reason nonetheless. I seem to believe that many problems can be avoided if only people are blunt to each other. Maybe it won't work, but even so at least you would have exhausted all your remedies before taking the next step of changing supervisors. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Thread: How to deal with day to day failures during a PhD?

posted
20-Apr-17, 07:56
edited about 7 seconds later
Avatar for skyisnotthelimit
posted about 1 week ago
Quote From Tudor_Queen:
In my humble view it may not be so serious! Many of us have things that really upset us when actually they are trivial. And we just have to get over them and become more resilient. It doesn't mean we are going to have a breakdown or similar.

Some people are naturally more resilient and so don't necessary experience these issues anyway. It sounds like skyisnotthelimit is at the start of the process of hardening up a bit, which has got to be a good thing.

For those who are less resilient naturally, I think academia is not only a place where there are lots of rejections (e.g., papers, grants, conferences etc) can compound feelings of insecurity, but also there is this academic hierarchy students in which students can be treated as though they are worthless... (depending on who they work with). Both these things surely feed into the negative feelings / overthinking / depression that normal humans can be prone to.

All the best skyisnotthelimit!


Couldn't agree more. Thank you so much for such a thoughtful message. It helps big time to hear that it's okay to feel this way and know that I can get through and over it. And I will. Thanks :)

Thread: How to deal with day to day failures during a PhD?

posted
20-Apr-17, 07:55
Avatar for skyisnotthelimit
posted about 1 week ago
It's more serious than simply going nuts.
If you are getting yourself into this state over completely trivial things like this in only your first year and don't immediately do something about it then the PhD will break you.
You need to learn really quickly how to develop some resilience because it reads to me that under the slightest pressure you are caving emotionally.
Good luck.[/quote]

You might be right but the thing is everyone deals with these things differently. I have had lots of pressure in other aspects of my private life (including finances and long distance marriage) that have added to my feelings of insecurity and overthinking. But precisely because I know that if these small details affect me so much - I will lose it for the bigger ones, I am trying to start early and try to find a way to deal with them better. So yes, I am trying and I am sure I will manage to find a way to develop some resilience. Thanks for your honesty though. It always helps!

Thread: How to deal with day to day failures during a PhD?

posted
19-Apr-17, 14:03
edited about 22 seconds later
Avatar for skyisnotthelimit
posted about 1 week ago
Quote From butterfly20:
A rejection is not a failure, but sadly a normal part of academic life. It's something we have to get used to.

Based on your previous thread, you worry far too much about your supervisor's feelings towards you. It sounds as though you're either developing a crush or you're pushing yourself too hard for perfection. This is your project, not his, take some control and stop caring what he thinks. It is your project and he is just the mentor.

@butterfly20, Haha a crush. I wish that was the case but no. I think it's just a character flaw that I developed during life that enables me to function properly only when valued by others. which is wrong I know, and I am working on it. But the first step to address the issue is by acknowledging it first right? And discussing experiences here, and reading your comments as well as reading about other similar experiences on different threads - is proving to be quite helpful actually. :)

Thread: How to deal with day to day failures during a PhD?

posted
19-Apr-17, 13:50
Avatar for skyisnotthelimit
posted about 1 week ago
Quote From pm133:
It sounds like both you and your supervisor are taking this way too seriously. It's only a conference. A mistake was made. Get over it. No need for embarassment, lengthy apologies, beating yourselves up or pledges to "do better next time".

If this type of utterly trivial incident affects you this much you risk having serious issues when a genuine problem occurs.
Relax bud. Mistakes happen.


@pm133, I am sure you're right but I guess the beginning is the hardest since I still have not figured my way around things and people. But I should definitely learn to take these things easier otherwise I will go nuts by the end of the PhD. You're right. That's why this forum is so helpful.

Thread: How to deal with day to day failures during a PhD?

posted
19-Apr-17, 09:17
edited about 17 seconds later
Avatar for skyisnotthelimit
posted about 1 week ago
Quote From Tudor_Queen:
Ps. Make a point of listing your achievements - no matter how small they may be! And remember that what you currently count as failures are actually learning opportunities, if you'll treat them as such.

Re your supervisor's embarrassment - that's something he'll have to get over!

Keep on smiling : )


@Tudor_Queen, thanks so much for your words. In times like these when you think that you've failed and you're not good enough - it is refreshing and very helpful to read what you wrote. Thanks a lot!

Thread: How to deal with day to day failures during a PhD?

posted
18-Apr-17, 14:44
Avatar for skyisnotthelimit
posted about 1 week ago
Quote From muspectrum:
I would say that this is all a part of being a PhD student! Do t worry about it! I messed up a similar proposal where the head of dept was on the panel and as a result my supervisor got a lot of stick. So what did we do, worked on a proposal together the next time around as a learning experience and won the funding!


@muspectrum, this makes me feel much better - thank you so much.

Thread: How to deal with day to day failures during a PhD?

posted
18-Apr-17, 10:41
edited a moment later
Avatar for skyisnotthelimit
posted about 1 week ago
So, I am a first year PhD student and I am far from perfect or knowing it all. I am just figuring things along the way. Anyway, I am working hard in order to improve and learn things of course. But, sometimes that's not enough right? So I happened to make a slip and apply for a small grant (for attending a conference) without being eligible for it. My supervisor told me today that he felt embarrassed that we applied for it without being eligible. The ineligibility consisted on a detail. Nevertheless I had my doubts when I saw the eligibility criteria but still didn't say anything to my supervisor.

Now, I can try and complain about it and find a million reasons why "it was not my fault" but the truth is I made a mistake. I failed. And I have to admit it and learn from it. So I told my supervisor that he's right and that I only made that mistake because my approach during these 6 months of PhD has been very much reactive rather than initiating things. And that's wrong. I told him that because I was trying not to bother him and please him by mostly saying YES, I forgot what was important - MY STANCE ON THINGS. So I apologized and reassured him that my approach will be much different from now on. He admitted that it was not only my fault but that he being a member of the board granting this grant should have known that I am not eligible and should have told me.

So I guess my question is - have you had these kinds of failures and if yes how do you deal with them? I will admit that it doesn't feel good to know that you've screwed up on your first year of the PhD but on the other hand I feel good knowing that eventhough I feel like shit, I am trying to learn from my mistakes and I know I will work hard on this regard.

Thread: Overthinking while doing a PhD. Is there a solution for this?

posted
09-Apr-17, 18:15
Avatar for skyisnotthelimit
posted about 2 weeks ago
Hey Pjlu and Tudor Queen. Thank you so much for your valuable insight and for actually telling me about CBTh. I will definitely check it out and see if it helps. The thing is - I still can control it but I can tell that it is getting worse and that's why I want to prevent overthinking from taking over my life.

Kahn - I know what you mean. I am not that bad with writing emails myself, I am worse when it comes to interpreting the tone with which emails sent to me were written. It's so tiring - I know.

Thread: Overthinking while doing a PhD. Is there a solution for this?

posted
08-Apr-17, 09:12
edited about 4 minutes later
Avatar for skyisnotthelimit
posted about 3 weeks ago
Hey everyone,

I am a first year PhD student (approaching the end of the first year) and I have been going through all the matters of having proposal accepted by the commission, going back and forth with addressing comments and re-submitting it. Then, of course doing literature review, familiarising myself with the topic better - while at the same time grading students exams and papers and helping my supervisor with teaching duties.

I can say that my PhD is going well so far. I get annoyed with my supervisor and the fact that he changes whatever I write into his own style of wording (we're talking only about the proposal) but I have decided to not make a big deal out of it while it is only the proposal he is dealing with. Once I start writing my thesis, or articles - if he continues changing everything then I will have an open and sincere talk with him and tell him how that makes me feel. The problem is that he doesn't change the substance, just the wording of my paragraphs.

Anyway, throughout all this I cannot help but overthink it all. I overthink and obsess about the tiniest issues. If my supervisor writes me an email and I feel like he was angry I start overthinking about any possible reasons that I might have caused him to be mad. I also think more than I should about how my supervisor feels about me, and what the other supervisors think about me. Do they think I am good enough? Maybe they laugh about me behind my back? Maybe they've never seen a worse PhD student? All of this. And I know that most of it doesn't even make sense because I am a hardworker and I am very committed.

It's just that overthinking is killing me slowly - I can tell. And I was just wondering have you guys ever been there, and if yes - how have you dealt with it? Did you find any solutions? Thanks a lot :)

Thread: Stop with my PhD. Unsure how.

posted
03-Apr-17, 10:56
edited about 14 seconds later
Avatar for skyisnotthelimit
posted about 3 weeks ago
I think the best thing you can do now is talk it out with your supervisor. It is apparent to me that you want to do the PhD and you are a dedicated person. But due to circumstances out of your reach you are being forced to take this decision. Hence, I think you should talk with your supervisor and discuss it with him/her and reach a solution together maybe? Because I doubt it is in his/her interest to lose you either. Two minds always work better than one, so give it a shot. There's nothing to lose by talking it with the person closest to you during this journey.

Good luck.

Thread: Examiner Disagreement

posted
14-Mar-17, 15:39
edited about 27 seconds later
Avatar for skyisnotthelimit
posted about 1 month ago
Congratulations faded!!!! This is so amazing. I have been following your situation and I am so happy for you. Now chill and enjoy it properly. Woooohooooooo :D

Thread: Supervisors and feedback

posted
26-Feb-17, 09:01
Avatar for skyisnotthelimit
posted about 2 months ago
Quote From pm133:
[quote]Quote From skyisnotthelimit:
[quote]Quote From pm133:
I

In fairness my situation is not too common. Being a lot older I knew exactly what skills I wanted to achieve during the PhD and I really only wanted pointers from my supervisor. When I was 21 I dont think I could have succeeded in this way. Now I am using the PhD to prove to myself I can become almost completely independent. I found that in reality I need specific types of support and for that support to be given in specific ways. Found out a huge amount about myself. It has been quite a journey and I wouldnt change any of it. You will have your own set of skills you want to have by the end. As long as you get most or all of them you will be fine. It is good that you care. Dont underestimate the importance of that. It means you are trying to self improve. If the feedback is varied then this is excellent. If the feedback starts to tail off once you start getting published then this is brilliant. Just play it by ear and see where it goes. There will come a time when you care less about your supervisors feedback and start to realise that you are capable of assessing your own performance. When your own assessment starts to match that of your supervisor then you will be ready to graduate.


pm 133 - this is such a great advice. I will save this post and read it when I am having doubts. thank you. all the best to you :)

Thread: Can anyone help me with research methodology please??!

posted
26-Feb-17, 08:58
Avatar for skyisnotthelimit
posted about 2 months ago
Quote From SakuraM:
Quote From skyisnotthelimit:
Hey SakuraM. Tell us more about what you want to do, which angle do you want to cover, what do you want to focus on? things like that. because with what you have written it is a bit difficult to understand what you want to do and as such recommend any research method.


Hello skyisnotthelimit and thanks for the post!

Well, this is still a bit tentative as I am not 100% settled on the exact angle but in a nutshell what I want to do is explore the role of the UK in the current situation in the Mideast post-9/11/War on Iraq/ "Arab Spring". I'll have to revisit the history of the two entities since Britain's involvement in that region at the end of the 19th century/ beginning of the 20th and the impact of its doings then on the current situation. It involves international relations/ politics/ geostrategy, etc. I hope what I wrote makes sense.

Thanks in advance for any help!


Hey SakuraM. That is a very interesting topic. From what I see, in terms of methodology it can depend on whether you're more familiar with qualitative or quantitative methods. OR both. IT would be ideal if you could go for a mixed methodology involving:

a. literature review (that would enable you to revisit the history of the two entities)
b. in-depth interviews with stakeholders for example politicians, experts of international relations etc.
c. a survey to measure the perceptions of people about UK's role in the mentioned situation. That can enrich your research greatly. a survey always does - I think.

Good luck :)

Thread: Survey for survey please

posted
24-Feb-17, 13:42
Avatar for skyisnotthelimit
posted about 2 months ago
done
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