All interesting stories guys - i guess this is endemic in academia.

Just an impression, but are we all women? If so, that's probably to do with the thread title, but just curious to see if the situation cuts both ways - surely it's not just women agonising over these kinds of issues?

The PI for the postdoc project told me that they're looking for someone to be in the lab 4-5 days a week, and seeing as me and R absolutely want to live together half way between London and wherever my work takes me if possible, then this one just ain't workable. The decision was made slightly easier by the fact that they want someone to start in October and I'm not submitting till December. I feel kind of relieved that I can rule this one out and hopeful that something else will come along at the right time. We also feel that if nothing local (i.e. within 2 hrs of London) comes up, a 2 year postdoc is the ideal time to up sticks and have a real adventure in another country before kids/house comes along - if the location was right, R would be prepared to find a new job elsewhere for a while. So, first things first, finish the thesis, keep my eye on the job boards and have faith that I'll find something that complements my career aims and my relationship! Moon on a stick, moi?

Thanks for the replies all. The postdoc is for 2 years – not so long ultimately. Me and husband spent a year in different towns before and found it really hard, so it’s nice to hear some reassurance that others prioritise their relationships, when all around me at work and at conferences people tend to belittle a few hours’ distance because they spent years transatlantic or whatever. It’s easy to lose sight of the fact that wanting to be with the person you’ve chosen to be with is really quite normal!

I vaguely know the PI advertising the postdoc, so I think I’ll write to him honestly and ask whether he’s looking for someone to be in the lab every day, or if there’s any flexibility. It might make me look less committed, but I’d rather say now than further down the line (if I get gat far!). How are you dealing with this Sue, are you asking right away or waiting to see how your application goes and then negotiating?

Quick summary of my situation: writing up at the moment, hoping to submit Dec/Jan this year. Keeping my eye out for postdocs in my area. A great position has come up – relevant to my interests, good conditions and colleagues etc. However, the location is not great. I’m married (no kids) and husband needs to be within 2 hours of London. This post is 4 hours away and in a city neither of us is wild about. What to do? I know this is an eternal question, but would I be daft to ignore this opportunity, or should being together take priority? I know the employment climate is really tough right now, and I have other irons in the fire (grant applications etc), but nothing guaranteed (or even likely, if I’m honest). We really don’t want to live apart, so if there’s any 3rd way which you guys know about or have tried, I’m all ears. Thanks!

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Thanks for the links, and yes, interested in all opportunities UK and beyond at this stage.

6 months to go, thoughts turning to postdoc positions. I'm a psycholinguist and intending to go for the usual RC Fellowships (ESRC, Brit. Academy), but also looking for jobsites. Does anyone have any good links for postdoc vacancy sites, except jobs.ac.uk?

Thanks for any help!

Coincidentally, I have just signed up for a course to deal with performance anxiety (tailored for academics so won't be at all corporate). I'll let you all how it goes. Maybe it won't change my life but maybe I'll learn the odd useful technique or two...

Funny this topic came up today – recently I’ve been putting a lot of thought into how I’m going to deal with this issue over the next year or so (I’m a new PhD). What many of you say resounds with me – I’m not a shy person, have no problem lecturing to undergraduates etc, but when I’m dealing with audiences who I deem ‘superior', or to friends (who I feel I can’t step into a role and ‘act’ in front of), then I go to pot and get so distracted by extreme physical symptoms (heart pounding, overheating, blushing, wobbly voice etc). I’m trying to see nerves as helpful wee things - a sharpener - and not something to fight with, and basically trying to reprogramme myself to not let these feelings get the better of me – the comment that the nerves you feel barely show was very pertinent– how common is this issue and how many presentations have we all seen between us? Have we ever seen anyone REALLY lose it? I’m guessing not.

Good luck! Despite my moans yesterday (and the fact that my presentation became more of a discussion in the end), it's a worthwhile exercise to do. You'll get to know your material better and check pronunciation of names/terms - easy to miss when you're reading the whole time.

Thanks for all the suggestions and testimonials guys - I'm getting there, slowly..

Hi all. I'm giving a mini presentation this afternoon, and have just done a run through, at home, alone. Does anyone else find that these rehearsals are so artificial that they are close to useless - I know that it won't matter if I make false-starts, let a bit of gibberish go etc, because NO-ONE'S REALLY WATCHING! Admittedly, I did pick up a few murky points on my slides, but it just feels so odd to be talking to myself. How do you all practice for your oral presentations?

Am I the only PhD student around who never learned to touch type? I sit in my dept, the library, the cafe, wherever and am acutely aware of my fellow students tappety tapping around without a glance at the keyboard, words filling the screen. I know, I know, mind my business, but I'm so motivated to learn to type properly by my colleagues and by the awareness that the first year of a PhD is going to allow the most time for this sort of caper, it's time well spent etc etc.

So my question is, how did you learn, how long did it take, and is it worth putting the hours in? There are a few websites I've been using to start, but am actually finding it quite difficult, and pretty boring...

Any suggestions most gratefully received!