Hi chums

This is a completely self-indulgent rant, so please forgive. Am feeling horrible so thought I'd vent here. PhD is going quite well at the moment, so that's good. I'm writing up, and have been sitting in my study alone for weeks, which is fine, but thought I should take up a sport so I could talk to people and run around in the sunshine a bit.

So have joined a tennis club and am taking lessons. First week was OK, but this week, the second week, I was just hopeless! And no-one spoke to me. Instead, all these suburban mums just spoke to each other about their holidays and their kids....

I don't live near my uni, so can't access uni sports and this is the closest thing for me. Try and do something new, and it doesn't pay off!
OK, I feel somewhat better. Back to my friends the books, back to my comfort zone...:-(

Could it be that you have nothing at all in common with the suburban mums ?

You got that right! I live in a small town, go to uni in an excellent city hours away, and find I don't have much in common with many denizens of this town at all...

Haha..sounds like the town near to where I currently live! I decided to brush up on my French, and joined a local class. I managed to not get on with anyone and received a few patronising comments/inverted snobbery about my field and academic life. I spent the 3 hour class imagining what the surburban mums were like at school, who was the bully, who was the popular one, who was the town ride. And then I didn't go back.

Try to look for like-minded people! I suppose tennis isn't quite the best sport for socialising. How about a hiking/walking/cycling group?

Thanks Misspacey, I feel much better! This morning's event put me right off my game (literally and metaphorically!). Yes, I might have to try something else - trouble is, this town is sooooo full of people not like me - I'd be much better off living in a large city....

I live in a town a bit like that, but its practically in London so I'm not in the middle of nowhere. There are a lot of women like that though, I think a tennis lesson or a 3 hour French lesson with them would drive me mad!! Its horrible when you don't feel included either, they probably just feel jealous so revert to snobbery!

Is there anything else you could try? You don't have to be excellent at the sport, just learning something else and giving yourself a totally different challenge to your PhD is probably really refreshing, providing that you enjoy it! Or how about moving to your university city, it sounds like that is what you really want to do!

I expect most of them don't go to play tennis at all, but to show off!! you have probably intimidated them by not talking about the things they know about. you could try a running club, they tend to be nicer, or so my daughter says, and anyway you would be far too breathless to talk about anything. However do go back to the tennis club at least one more time, and deliberately corner at least one and talk to them about your research, make sure you use lots of words that only people in your field will understand, but act as though they are common palance and you would expect everyone to know what you are on about. Then leave saying how much you have enjoyed talking to her/them and how interested you would be in their opinions on X next time you have a space in your busy schedule and can return. That will give them something to think about. (Avoid giggling too much as you depart though. :$:-))

======= Date Modified 27 Jul 2009 16:12:20 =======
I suppose this sounds sexist, it's not meant that way really, but I find that guys from varying backgrounds and abilities seem to sort of rub along, you know.

Women, on the other hand, can be really MEAN !

Not saying all. But some, definitely.



Don't know if this is just me speaking from a male point of view.

I'm happy to be put right if it is just a perspective thing !

======= Date Modified 27 Jul 2009 16:51:56 =======

awwwwwwwwwwww i'm sorry to hear that!

funny thing is, i played tennis a week ago! went to this social tennis thing for begininers, and i had a really good time and the people were friendly. there were alot of newbies there aswell!! and i hadnt played in over a year and half!! and even then i was just a beginner.

i stopped playing tennis to concentrate on finishing writing my thesis.. but like you, i wanted to get out there in the sunshine and was getting cabin fever being cooped up in the study room everyday and all day.

i know what you mean though it is frustrating. but stick with it!! you will improve. im still a beginner. it takes time. im sorry that no one spoke to you. that is mean.

i hope you go back again! i had some bad run ins in my old tennis club. some of the members were really mean. dont want to get into it. but it completely put me off and upset me that i stopped going. but i love playing tennis. so i think this sunday im gonna go back to my old tennis club but this time just go for tennis lessons. cause the tennis coaches are really nice and the people in the lessons are really friendly and the lessons were really fun. :)

i hope you give it one more try