I'm a Lady :-)

For me its not just the thought of uprooting hubs because he has a well paid stable job, I also constantly have in the back of my mind nowawadys that I'll probably have to give it all up or at least compromise my career in a few years anyway, for children (*shudders*) so it makes me think there is no point in ruining hubs career, because we will need him to be earning if I have to take time off work.

Although it does make me more ambitious e.g. I'd like to have a nice tenured lectureship which I can take maternity and then come back to, rather than a series of short term contracts. We can all dream!

Hi there, sorry to bring this one back from the dead. But I've just found myself in this exact situation (although gender is reversed - I'm male!). I am suffering extreme discordance about the near future.

I've just accepted a post doc for 3 years in my field, but it's 1.5-2 hrs away from where my partner lives. I'm really not sure how the long distance thing will work out for us. Should I ditch the job and stay put (can't really afford this), or commute (not sure I could drive 3-4 hrs a day!!)? Oh dear, I'm in a pickle, what to do, what to do? I moved into her house a while ago,  she's mortgaged and we have talked about moving to a new town equidistant to our work, but there'll be a time where we'll be apart.

Any more words of advice on how to juggle life in academia with a serious relationship? Sometimes I think the only way is to get out of academia!?

To be honest, this thread makes me smile.
Of course I can understand everybody's concerns, don't get me wrong!
But, in Greece, where I live, it is sooooo common to move far from your family in order to work! Especially teachers (as I am one) are appointed all over the country by the ministry of education. I, for example, had to move to a very small island, 3 flights away from my home and I stayed there for two years just because I was lucky and I managed to get transfered to my place. A friend of mine is still there (5 years now) with her two children....
What I want to say is that 3 and 4 hours away is nothing! If a relationship is stable, if you want it to last, then it will....

hi TheAce - is there any opportunity to work from home? You could always consider trying to find a mon-fri type room-let and then stay for a few days a week. e.g. work at home 3 days a week and then commute/stay over in your mon-fri room for the other 2?

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I now work 2 hours from where my husbs live and we manage OK. It's tough at first but you get used to it, plus it's so difficult to get post docs now I'm not sure you can choose to turn it down! So I manage by staying one or two nights a week where in the place I work and spending the rest of the week either commuting or working from home. It's only for another 1.5 years anyway, we can handle it :)