How supportive are your partners?

T

I have been looking at some theses online and what struck me was how many people thanked their partners in the acknowledgements. Phrases like "I couldn't have done this without your support" and " Your belief in me was essential" etc were in abundance. If I ever finish I really don't feel I could write the same thing about my husband! Yes, I am moaning, sorry, but he just doesn't seem to think that anything should change just because I am trying to study and I still feel like I am doing most of the household tasks and he doesn't really support me in the way I feel I do him. Just wish I had someone cheering me on every now and again. :-s Sorry - just had to get that off my chest! Tell me I'm not the only one! :$

W

Timefortea, you're certainly not the only one! In my acknowledgements, I make no acknowledgements to my family because they weren't at all helpful. I worked from home with my thesis and wrote my PhD to the sounds of Loose Women (the programme!), S Club 7, M 'n' M (da rappa!), drunken rows and The Simpsons. The only people I thanked were my supervisors, various other researchers and the participants. It would have been nice to write 'thank you to my lovely, understanding family' but it didn't turn out like that. Ah well. So, you're not the only one.

X

Hmm, I can see your point, I will be in the awkward position where in some ways my partner doesnt need thanking, and others she does. She has supported me doing a PhD on the other side of the country (Australia), and has always been keen that I finish it. But on a day to day level when I need to vent she just doesn't understand or offer the support I need. Doesn't mean I wouldn't in your position not put a short sentence acknowledging my partner...remember any stress you get they are exposed to...even if it is "putting up with me throughout the project" .

K

I suppose I'm reasonably lucky- my family are pretty supportive, but then it's not like I have to live with them or they would probably drive me mad. They don't really understand much about my PhD but they always ask how it's going. My fiance is mostly understanding as well, but it does frustrate me that sometimes he'll just ask if we can meet up for a day in the week- I treat my PhD like a job so certainly don't take days off in the week, but he seems to think it's just like being a student and I don't actually have to work all day every day! Yet if I asked him to meet up on a day when he has a shift he would look at me like I was crazy! I suppose that's a pretty minor thing though. I will be dedicating my thesis to my grandparents (2 of whom had dementia- the subject of my PhD) and I suppose I will put a thank you in for the rest of my family, but I won't be going overboard! Best, KB

Avatar for Eska

======= Date Modified 24 Feb 2011 09:27:01 =======
This is a tricky one for me because although my dad is helping with my fees and they are outwardly very supportive, that comes across to me as 'your not b***** packing it in' if I say the least non-positive thing about it and 'your supervisor isn't your mum you know' when I had terrible problems with my first sup. Plus, both him and my mum have made my life horrendous at times throughout this process, my mum admits to being jealous of me and sees me as over-priveledged because of my studies - not just this, the fact that I've been to universities and departments she would like to have been part of, and because I don't have children or a husband; while my dad went through a bout of bullying me at a point that was particularly difficult.

I have an aunt who has been supportive and my friends are fantastic! But how could I thank them and not my dad when he helped financially?

I will acknowledge my sister though, she died about a week into the PhD and had always been there for me.






P

My wife is very supportive, she's a wonderful inspiration to me juggling the house, our kids and her work. I have no right to complain about anything. If anything rather than acknowledge her I would blame her... :) without her encouragement I'm not sure what I'd be doing, probably something far less stressful!

Avatar for sneaks

I haven't written my acknowledgements yet - its a superstition thing, I'll do them last.

But I will be thanking hubs, he's a pain by insisting I drop all my work of an evening and sit and watch inane drivel with him, so I'll probably put something like "thanks to hubs for enforcing my work life balance" or something....

I'll def be thanking my dog and cats because they're the ones who've kept me warm (by sitting on lap/feet) during the write up.

I do have a ton of quasi-supervisors who have had NO input at all - actually most of them don't even know they're linked to the project, or what the project is about, but politically I have to thank them :-s

I'm tempted to have 2 versions of acknowledgements, one for the british lib and one for my own bookshelf

B

I only thanked people who really deserved it in my thesis. But I was very lucky to have an incredibly supportive husband. It helped he has a PhD, so knows what's involved. But he's also been wonderful, given how seriously ill I am, caring for me selflessly and supporting me all the way. I had to leave a full-time PhD when the illness struck, and that was devastating. He knows how much getting through a second time meant to me. So he truly deserved the greatest thanks.

P

Hmm, I def thank my parents. They both have PhDs so they completely get it, and they've been nothing but remarkably supportive of their only kid being continents away :)

I'll thank my sup as she is the best mentor ever :)

I'll thank my friends as they've rocked, and I'm really lucky to have had supportive family, sup and friends who always in many ways prioritised me.

A

I think, unless your parents/partner have done a PhD, then trying to be fair, people don't really understand. In a way that's the point of this forum.

Also for the sake of a happy home in the future, how awkward would it be for your husband to read your acknowledgements (afterall the only bit that many people read!!) and not to see his name there?? You could restrict 90% of your acknowledgements to academia and just at the end thank your husband and family. I'm a pacifist at heart - 'life is too short' etc etc and your PhD is likely to be on your bookshelf, forever a constant reminder that you slighted your husband by omission.

Avatar for Eska

I think Ady may have a point! I will be diplomatic in my thesis acknowledgements and say what I like for my first book!

A

Sorry for asking a question of my own, but thought it might link to this. I have had great support from my boyfriend. I have moved a 4hour plane ride away and we now get to meet around every month or 2. How do you deal with questions such as. So you are mainly on your PC in the lab working (I am doing a science PhD, but at the moment actual lab work is done 2 days a week, due to access to instrumentation issues). Why cannot you do that at home? I actually can. But doing a full time PhD I cannot actually just come here for a couple of weeks at a time. How do you deal with questions like that? I would love to be able to do it.

17579