Dear all, thank you very much for your support for reading this message.

I feel really bad about my work. I have no confident at all if i could finish the thesis and work it through the viva. The original work suggested by the supervisor which he guarantees there is novelty fails after my 4th year study. Since there was not much progress from this part, the supervisor suggested to study from a theoretical approach.. this thing stressed me out because i'm not good at it and the worst things is the topic is kinda have been being studied in different ways previously. i can't see how i could argue that the things we are doing are contributing to the field. And the supervisor still thinks it works....even the paper have been rejected for 4 times by reviewer with similar comments of limited novelty.... though i have been raising the same issue to him, he still thinks it works.

i'm totally depressed. one day i can motivate myself to feel good and the supervisor's approach may works, but the other day i might just break down and feeling this gonna be end of the world. i'm in this depression state for whole 3.5 months, some days i'm not able to have good sleeps and i have not been taking meals properly because of the depression and anxiety...i'm constantly scared and worried since the moment i wake up. i'm now in my 5th year, i can't see how i can graduate with this project. i may not be able to walk away from this because that would mean i have to refund the whole scholarship. so i try motivate myself to see if i could just carry on a little while and if i could finish the writing. but the sense and fear of pass or fail each time hinder me from the writing. i was so worried and scared about the project that i can't even finish reading a journal paper calmly when looking up for information. some days, i'm not even dare to open up my project file to start the writing. i think i don't have the passion for this project anymore. i didn't actually receive any proper guidance or monitoring for my project from the supervisor, i have to work most things out myself. i'm totally stressed out of it, it suck out all the happiness in me. i have been working on it for 4 years, i know i will feel lot better if i just let go. even my bf and mother said it is ok for me to walk away if you can't stand it anymore, you can still go to work, there is still other opportunity other than PhD. But sometime i feel bad if i just let it go like this and i'm worried of the consequences of dropping this PhD too, like how i'm going to explain what i have been doing all these years and am i going to find any job with the gap. but pressing myself to try to complete it for this fifth year makes me feel really miserable, waking up everyday feeling so awful that i can't progress anything on the writing. Is there anywhere that i can overcome this?

Hi Wing721,
I just want to write to you to let you know you're not alone. I'm in my final year and every single day is a struggle. I am coping with my depression through therapy and light medication, just to support my mental health through the final few months, but I still struggle with writing enough each day. I am also looking for advice and inspiration to keep going. So while I don't have much advice to pass on, I did just want to tell you that I'm in this struggle with you---and I truly believe we can both make it.

Dear Nyx, thank you so much for your reply! thank you! My SV and co-supervisor still insisted in trying to publish the same rejected paper (due to limited novelty) and they still think the project will work for me to grad, but i'm not hoping much on this anymore. So i can only try my best to improve the paper for new submission now and while waiting the review process later, i shall try my best to complete the thesis writing. If it happens that the paper was rejected again, i think i may have to sit down and have a good discussion with SV maybe that's enough. my parents and bf understand my situation now. they said letting go this if it needs to is not a failure, maybe it is just not suitable for you. there is still opportunity out there and you can still work. the scholarship can refund slowly. we do not need to care what others think of us. they have never walk in our shoes, they will never understand. as long as you are happy and have confidence to face the outcome, then go ahead.

I still breakdown everyday now and still pushing myself to do the writing. Do you mind to share what kind of therapy is useful for depression? my main SV left after my 1st year but he is still in control with my project, and i was passed to the current one just for formality. the main SV was kind of paper-oriented, which makes my project kind of disaster now, as he limits what i can include in the project(but those are with limited novelty and he still thinks it work).i have raise the issue, but i can't repeat it again anymore as it will annoyed him. Glad to know that your supervisor is very helpful. what i did now is i try my best to write sth and let them check it. whenever i start to stress out or depress while writing, i will talk to my bf and parents. or i will just lay on the floor for an hour doing and thinking nothing, that's help me to calm down a while and continue with the writing.

I feel your pain.

However I have been persevering through my depression and trying to ignore it for a while which got me nowhere. I suggest you get help for it. Go see your GP or a counselling service at your university. They will really help you. You dont need to suffer through this stuff alone.

Hope you feel ok!