I'm talking about when someone is doing a PhD at a university or working at a university, they are surrounded by academics.

For people with degrees, it's the same in the UK, 50% of people these days go to university. But, there may be 50% of people under 30 with a degree but that isn't 50% of the population as whole and it's not evenly spread across the country. So, if think of my family and friends from home, the percentage with a degree is more like 20%.

Well, that is of course a process. That's why I wrote that it is decreasing and will decrease in the future. People who think of a PhD as something special and extraordinarily getting fewer, while coming generations have a completely altered view on that. When my grandma was young, there were maybe one or two pupils of each school getting the chance to study. Completely different times :)

I'm an ex-lawyer now doing a PhD, where you from ;)?

[ Quote From TreeofLife:


I love it how if someone mentions they've been single for a while, other people seem to think they have all the answers.[/quote]

So Love/ relationships are solutions?Really?It's interesting that a relationship status of one person can be presumed as having solutions to other people's relationship lives. Relationships are only one aspect of life and one can live without it.

Wow there is so much arrogant bull on here!! You'll probably remain single if you place yourself above others and start judging other people for having different jobs to yourself. Just cos we are studying for a PhD that gives us no right whatsoever to think certain people are beneath us. I have dated guys from all different backgrounds, guys who worked in computing, plumbing etc. and I can tell you I found them highly intellectual and very useful as they could do plenty of things I couldn't, for example fixing my boiler!

People have a preconception that if you're doing a PhD you're a bit snobby and narrow minded. Don't feed that stereotype, be humble. And OP, just cos there are no single people in your dept right now, doesn't mean there won't be in future jobs at different universities. Love happens when it happens.

Hello, my name is Rina and it seems compared to the set standards here I have marrierd below my social status ;-). My husband even quit university before reaching his Bachelor (was bored with university) while I am on the best way to achieve my phD. Does he know less than me? Hell no, I lose most debates because he arguments way better than me. :-D

Now that its out I actually feel kind of relieved.. oh wait, wasn't all the years a problem, why should it be now? ;-)

Back to serious posting - if you are feeling lonely you could think about online dating platforms. There are even some purely for academics, if you really have the fear that your standards are not met. There are very weird guys out there (been there, done that), but from time to time you find one that fits the profile.

But beware, pursuing a phD and the first half year with a new love are normally two things that don't go together very well - depends on your and your partners personality and your time management skills!

I think I’ll offer my experience. I have a PhD in social sciences and currently teach and conduct research at two different research institutes. I also hail from a middle-class background, and have a solid classical music education as well, and do a lot of volunteering working with marginalised communities. I’ve been with my partner for 6 years, living together for five, and married for one. My partner’s education amounts to secondary schooling, and some additional certifications through technical colleges. He does not have any experience at a university. My partner also comes from a rural, working-class background, having grown up in a lower socio-economic income bracket. He is also from a completely different culture than I am as we are from two different countries. He currently works in IT.

You’d think that we’d have nothing in common with such stark disparities between class, culture and education. But this has given us a unique relationship, and we have so much in common. My partner is also very intelligent, and while doesn’t have a piece of paper or years of study behind him, has a really good job in a senior IT position that includes managing servers, storage, networking and forensic IT work.

If I had limited myself to ‘intellectuals’ in academia, I could have missed out on having a wonderful relationship with someone from a completely different world. I get my academic intellectual stimulation at work, but when I come home, it’s nice to have a different kind of intellectual stimulation. My partner, having grown up in farming, is creating a productive garden for us, and I’m learning heaps. He also taught me how to work with dogs (never having owned one before) and we’ve successfully rehabilited two massive malamute/husky mixes that we adore, and I used to be terrified of large dogs! Even though he doesn’t work in academia, he understands more broadly the pressures, experiencing his own pressures at work. He is still able to be supportive and empathetic.

At no point have I said I think I am better than others because I have a PhD. All I have said is that I like to surround myself with intelligent people - whether that's family members, friends or boyfriends. Generally, someone with a degree and someone with a PhD is likely to be more intelligent than someone without. That's it.

Of course I have many intelligent friends who don't have a degree and I have some not so intelligent friends with a PhD.

It's not like I go round asking everyone I met for a list of their qualifications before I consider talking to them. If you read my previous posts, I said I like nice, honest, decent people that I can have an intelligent conversation with. I didn't say I want to exclusively surround myself with people with PhDs because I think they are the only people worthy of my time.

I'm glad at least some people on here are not so judgemental!

My boyfriend is also doing a PhD, but funds his studies working as a waiter. Does that mean if I had met him in his place of work first, I should have dismissed him? Did you ever think about people like that before you dismiss them as unintelligent and unqualified? Having a job doesn't change who you are and nor does it dictate whether or not you deserve love.

Likewise! It's amazing the assumptions people make from a few forum posts.

I'm going on precisely what you've posted, which for the most part has been snobby and very offensive. For example, a PhD indicates a decent upbringing? Are you for real? It's not all upper class people born with silver spoon in their mouths who get onto PhDs. Some people work damn hard working two or three jobs to get to where they are.

And as for "I'll never find the right person in retail", well that's probably lucky for you because you might find that outside of academia, you're not a big deal. Men aren't put off by women doing PhDs, they're put off by people who have attitudes that they are above others because of their job.

Without wishing to put words in anyone's mouth, I think you're reading Tree's comment about a 'decent upbringing' very differently to the way I'm reading it, butterfly20. I had a 'decent upbringing' that enabled me to get academic qualifications - it was nothing to do with social class (my parents are working class, and were unemployed for stretches of my school life) - but they took me seriously, encouraged me and found out what we needed to do for me to get to university. My grandmother did the opposite, and tried to talk my parents out of allowing me to go to university, because she thought working class people should just settle down and get a job. Without my parents' attitudes and support, it would have been very difficult for me to get started - there are different ways in which we can be privileged.

Perhaps you are right and I can see that. What I don't like is this idea that just because WE think we are so privileged, that everyone else does. Not everyone in life wants to do a PhD.

And I am one of those people that is being judged for their jobs, because before I got onto my PhD I worked 60 hours a week as a carer wiping arses for a living. I was no less intelligent back then than I am now.

I think I said that having the opportunity to do a PhD indicates that someone has probably had a decent upbringing, meaning that there's many people who could do a PhD or have a great job but events in their life have meant that they haven't been able to fulfil their potential. I recognise that the reason I have achieved things in my life is because of the people I have been lucky to have in it - my parents, my family, teachers, managers, supervisors, friends, boyfriends.

I guess you think that I've never worked in retail, or as a cleaner, or as a waitress. Ok. I guess you think my PhD was handed to me on a plate. Ok. And apparently I put men off. Ok.

You're being overly optimistic about the quality of modern education. I'm towards the end of my PhD now and through most of my studies I've come across people who haven't cared much for their education at all. University is just about partying for them. Put that kind of a person against someone who left college to work full-time and it's not hard to guess which of the two gets my respect. Of course I don't mean all university students here, but many are in uni just to party and avoid work. That's hardly an image of intelligence to me.

Yes, PhDs can be lonely but at the end of the day we, the PhD students, are the odd ones out and not the rest. Truth is most people haven't got a clue as to what we do and will struggle to relate. I'm sure you don't feel it as snobbery to want to surround yourself with intelligent people, but be cautious about the implicit assumptions such a desire can carry with it.

As for the earlier jargon comment by the post originator. My rule is this: If you're an author and you're misunderstood then it's your fault and not the readers. Same would apply to the use of jargon in conversations. If I was to start using psychological terms in everyday conversations I would just end up annoying people, not intimidating them.