Hi, I'm a PhD candidate studying over 6 years. I have 2 years of study left which I see as my final year (in full time terms). I am doing a phd in art and have a final showcase coming up and then a final work which I hope to have done by December.

I'm currently trying to write the first draft the actual chapters for the written component of the PhD. I'm having a couple of struggles. I have had to work nearly full time during the last four years, and as I try to write these chapters I am constantly reminding myself how I should know a lot more at this stage and therefore this should be easier to write. So while I am slowly chipping away at the writing day by day (doing some reading then doing some writing), I am also writing in order to understand the material and trying to pull out potential arguments and hoping that by the end of this first draft period I will have have some clear ideas for myself about this area of the PhD. I'm hoping THEN I can refine it, chop it down and add to it through further reading. I guess my questions here are, is this how other people experience writing their chapters and also should I be seriously worried about where I am in terms of being at final year point and still not being clear on my arguments?

And just in general I feel so behind, I have been reading and writing during the last 4 years and obviously making the work, but I haven't had to pin anything down until now and I think this has meant that my arguments and level of insight hasn't been developing in a focused enough way. I keep having this thought haunting me as I'm working. I wondered if anyone has experienced this sense of 'failure' or 'guilt' through their process or has any advice to help me move on without having a freak out?!

Thanks!

I definitely felt the same when I sat down to write up -- it really forced me to confront all those little inconsistencies and flaws and things I hadn't 100% understood or couldn't explain clearly.

I wouldn't panic though, it sounds like you have plenty of time (there's usually another year to finish writing up and submit after your final year finishes, and lots of people don't even start writing until then). Think of it as an opportunity to get your understanding and your arguments clear in your head; it's a process and the first draft doesn't have to be perfect. You'll get there.

Feelings of failure and guilt sound totally normal for PhD students sadly! But no point worrying about what you could or should have done in previous years, you can't change that now and it's a waste of time and energy. Focus on what you can do.

Hi there, Ephiny said that it is a process, and I agree 100 percent. I would also agree that many of us feel that we are behind or somehow haven't done enough...very common feelings. Especially if you do the doctorate over a few years while working full time. You never feel as if you are able to give it your undivided attention. However, it is a process and there are no perfect ways of completing a PhD. Every PhD is an individual journey-it seems to be the nature of the PhD. The insights and knowledge will be developing and as you write up you will really consolidate and refine what you know. It doesn't appear to happen in an even way but in spikes. However, you will find as you are rewriting and shaping final drafts that you do know and understand your material. The other thing that helps me is to remember that the PhD is not the end product. While you will have a thesis that is an 'end product', the PhD just takes you to a different place and space as an entry level researcher, thinker and professional writer. So there is that notion of process again...

Hi, thanks Ephiny. When I'm thinking rationally I feel like I've got things well planned time wise. It's just those niggling demons that get at me. Pjlu, thanks to you too. I think sometimes it's hard to realise how much you have picked up. My partner often says that I don't realise how much I do know and my supervisors often also say that it's clear how much my knowledge has developed by the way I can speak about things. I guess because it's quite organic and in some ways unconcious the way research infects your thinking, perhaps it's hard to realise how much the thinking has refined. I hope the writing process will make that clearer for me perhaps. Feeling a more reassured guys, so thanks!