Hello everyone,
I am back with a quick update.

I finally decided to leave the program. I talked to my supervisors one last time, saying that I found it unfair that I was supposed to do the technical work. Their answer was that they agreed with me but that I had to do it anyway. My director, though, got really mad and started insulting me.

Despite all of this, I kept going to work. A week after, my director sent me an email stating that this year I will not have a grant he guaranteed as part of my financing when I was selected for the program. In fact, this grant was what made me decide to accept the position, as it allowed me financial independence.

Yesterday I saw my director to tell him that I am leaving the program and all of a sudden he said that he would start looking for a solution, not only for this year but for the next years too. He said he would call and do meetings, etc. because I did a great job this year and he doesn’t want to lose one student.

They had one full year to find solutions; this is the second time in 6 months I said I would leave the program for financial reasons. Even if they did find the money, I see myself having to threat to get what I need every time, and I don’t find it fair or stimulating at all for pursuing a PhD.

I believe I did everything I could and I accepted many things I probably shouldn’t even have accepted to make things work. Now I am just sad and disheartened.
Thank you all for your time and suggestions, I just wanted to let you know.

Best wishes Smiling Hippo, sorry it didn't work out this time and I hope that you walk away with some positives; perhaps a Masters or some research that you can use for future options. (At the very least, some peace of mind). Thanks for letting us know.

Yes, best wishing Smiling Hippo, and ditto everything else that Pjlu says. This challenging experience will be something that you can draw on later.

It may be the last thing on your mind right now, but if you want to pursue a PhD elsewhere then this experience won't hinder you from doing that (eg. a friend of mine recently left her PhD in the middle and took up funding elsewhere). You just need to be clever about who to ask for references etc.

Whatever you are doing now - pat yourself on the back for being assertive enough to tell them where to go when you felt you were being excessively mistreated. Now to move on...

Hi, SmilingHippo,

It was a difficult decision to make, but you know what is best for you. You have tried your hardest. Walk away knowing that this PhD was not suitable for you, but you have learned a lot of important lessons during this time.You are now stronger and more mature than before, and that matters. Please do not be disheartened. Something better will come your way and you will look back at this experience as part of life's journey.

I find it disgusting and totally insincere that they offer to find solutions only after you say you want to quit. Perhaps they thought that they can entice you to stay a few months at a time by dangling a carrot but never actually giving it to you. I am glad you are wise and not tricked into it.

I'm sorry things worked out this way, but it sounds like you did the right thing.

I had a similar situation, not in my PhD but in a job, where it was only when I handed in my resignation that they suddenly started to dangle the prospect of promotion, pay raise, reasonable hours etc, all the things I'd been asking for! I left anyway as I didn't believe those things would ever materialise. I expect it would have been the same for you.

We're taught as kids that it's bad to be a quitter, and it's hard to go against that without feeling like a failure on some level, even when it's not your fault. But sometimes it's the right decision, and the tougher one, to walk away from a bad situation.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do next, and I hope you're not feeling disheartened for too long.

Thank you all for your replies and support.
Yesterday things got even worse. I talked to my codirector and she said that my director didn’t tell her anything. The day before the director said he would immediately call her after our meeting. He had more than 24 hours to do that and didn’t bother. Then she suggested I found a job to earn the money they guaranteed me. I told her that we were talking about my confidence in them and about fairness, not about me working because in a year they didn’t feel like finding solutions. And then she too said that she was really sorry, because she could see I was so focused and autonomous and I knew what I was doing.

Luckily I don’t feel like a failure, in fact I only feel sad because it seems like I was the only one taking this PhD seriously. Yesterday I heard my codirectors talking and one said to the other that it is not official yet, so maybe on the day I am supposed to leave I will say I am staying instead. This hurts a lot, because it means they’re not taking me seriously yet, even after I resigned.

I really hope other students won’t find themselves in the same situation, as wanting to study should be a good quality and not a burden.
Thank you again, and good luck to all of you too.

You seem happy with decision and you should be. I also think you made the right choice. Academia is not such an attractive a career that it's worth five years of mental and financial stress. You sound smart, I'm sure there's lots of better options out there for you.

You quit at right time in my opinion.

I advise you to continue with your program, what you are feeling and facing is very normal and most phd students feel the same. Try to arrange your time and if there is a chance to change to the part-time mode and then work on your Phd from home without stress. In PhD, the situation is different, you don't need to your sups to put a spoon in your mouth rather than to let them give some feedback periodically. PhD is your work and during VIVA you will be accountable to answer and convince examiners about your thesis, not your sups.

Just think about

hi Smilinghippo sorry to hear about your experience and it is brave of you to choose to walk away. Out of curiosity, can I ask - would you be looking to do a phd somewhere else?

do not quit ... try to make your thesis through part time..this is my advice again and again.

I have done my thesis in part time without any anxiety and tension.

I dont know why people push you to quit ?!!!!

Hi satchi, well I am leaving the door open, so if I had another occasion I would probably consider it. This time I would probably stay in Europe (I am outside Europe right now) and be very careful about every single detail before starting, but it is not something I completely exclude from my future.



Hello Kamali, nobody is pushing me to quit. If you see the dates of my posts you could notice it took me a very long time to make up my mind. In the end I left for financial reasons and not because of anxiety or tension.

[/quote]

Luckily I don’t feel like a failure, in fact I only feel sad because it seems like I was the only one taking this PhD seriously. Yesterday I heard my codirectors talking and one said to the other that it is not official yet, so maybe on the day I am supposed to leave I will say I am staying instead. This hurts a lot, because it means they’re not taking me seriously yet, even after I resigned.

I really hope other students won’t find themselves in the same situation, as wanting to study should be a good quality and not a burden.
Thank you again, and good luck to all of you too.[/quote]


Hi, SmilingHippo,

Your decision to leave is absolutely correct. As a student, you have the right to receive supervision and to be taken seriously. Clearly, you were not treated right. Being bullied and unsupervised are unacceptable. Unfortunately, it appears to be more and more common these days, so much so that some people are normalising it as part of the PhD experience.

I do not expect your supervisors to change if you stick with them. Doing a PhD with no supervision and financial security sounds like a nightmare. Walking away to cut your losses now is much better than potentially doing so after investing more time further down the line.

I wish you the very best in your future undertakings. In your future PhD, be sure to talk to the current students when deciding on your supervisors. Good luck.