Here are my updates, now there a junior PI who is relatively new at a prestigious institute who is interested in my work, however, my feedback about him is not relatively good. I sent him emails, and he always replies late or forgets unless I sent a reminder. He seems that he does not read my emails properly, do mistakes in my name, to be honest, there are many points I am really concerned about likely he sent me a paper and asked me whether I can do similar like that in the attached paper, this point made me really concerned that he might be a not good supervisor, maybe I am wrong.

Besides that, he insisted on me to apply although I have asked for Skype to clarify certain points, he did not reply. The point is I have asked a very well known and established professor in the field who really appreciates me, but don't work in the same subfield of research, he agreed to write a recommendation letter, but I am really hesitated to ask him to submit the letter to that positions, as you can see I don't think that this is the good PI that I am looking for, as you may know, I resign after one year from Ph.D. and it was a horrible experience and now I am in a short-term contract in an isolated European country which is also worse, but I came for financial reasons so that I can cover my living while finding another good supervisor.

I don't want to lose the recommendation of this well-established professor to this position and I would like to keep it for something I am pretty sure it worth.

I am really confused thinking a lot, I don't whether to submit or forget this position?

Hi, monkia,

Let's see. You said:

- "my feedback about him is not relatively good"
- "he always replies late or forgets unless I sent a reminder"
- "he does not read my emails properly, do mistakes in my name"
- "concerned that he might be a not good supervisor"
- "although I have asked for Skype to clarify certain points, he did not reply"

My advice - Forget him. Your gut feeling is that he is not a good supervisor. Trust your gut and don't make a decision out of desperation.

On the recommendation letter, is it possible to get a general letter from the Prof that is not addressed to any one supervisor/uni? That way you can just send that letter to whomever you want to apply PhD with.

I would disagree with tru in these three points. Unfortunately 90% of supervisors would do the same. I would continue communications until further new happens.

I totally agree with tru. TRUST your gut feeling. 99.9% chance otherwise you will regret it. That's what we have such feelings for.

Do you know what - you could have a similar scenario - similar objective facts (e.g., late replies, a bit scatty, whatever) but your gut feeling is good, i.e., you aren't worried, you get the sense it is going to work. In that case, I'd say go with it. But when you feel uneasy / uncertain plus all the above... please listen to your instinct. It'll only get worse once you're actually his student and you can't quit easily (without fear of losing your funding etc).

I am a bit confused about the technical points of your post. Why do you need a generic letter of recommendation? Won't the professor support your application elsewhere?

tru is calling this correctly for me too. It's the accumulation of worrying indicators which would put me off here.
You cannot possibly ignore these warning signs.
Not after what you have already be subjected to.

I think we can be inclined to "give the benefit of the doubt" a bit more in academia (as students/junior level people) than we would in other contexts. Why? The hierarchy/power thing I suppose. But warning signs are warning signs, whatever the context. And just because lots of other supervisors may behave the same way doesn't mean we should accept it. In reality, supervisors need decent students as much as students need decent supervisors. So, find someone better - you're worth it - someone who can at least spell your name right after multiple interactions.

I am really burnout out because of the dreadful experience I had and the current lab is quite a nightmare because I did both of decisions out of desperation. I am lacking for innovation, I am always dreaming to achieve what I have been dreaming about. I think that passion is decreasing day after day, I don't know how to express what I want to say, but how I can find this decent supervisor, I am doing my best, and for sure I don't have enough stamina to endure any kind of those supervisors, I want to enjoy and full of energy. However, what constraints me the financial situation which made me worried, however, I have to trust my gut, I still think he is not a good choice for me as an academic supervisor, I don't know whether I am the only case and why this happening, but I will hope for the best.

Monkia - could you perhaps go home for a while and rest, or even take a year out and work in an undemanding job and recuperate? It seems like you need a break more than anything else right now. None of us make good decisions when we feel like you describe.

Guys, you were right, finally, I found he is not a good supervisor, and I didn't apply, it would be a hell. In the other side, I feel pity because of this delay that happened to me, I am now about completing 28 in few months, and didn't create family yet, I feel sometimes as my self-confidence is decreasing, but I am trying.

You're not old. Congrats on making a good decision. All the best in looking for a new and better opportunity. :-)

You need to break things down a bit. Maybe focus on one thing at a time. Is having a family really a priority right now? Whjat are you immediate priorities? Maybe by laying those out you can find a way of coping better.
I am still concerned about your post a couple of weeks ago where you talked about suicide. After our advice to you, if you have subsequently prioritised anything ahead of seeing a doctor immediately then my concern will grow. Are you receiving help yet?

I hadn't seen your earlier post about how you were feeling. I do agree with pm133 that talking to someone who can help is the first thing to do right now.
Best, Tudor

I agree with bewildered and pm133 in that it sounds like you need to step away for a while, get professional support to help you work through your feelings and work out what YOUR priorities are. I'm not sure you should be stressing both about starting a PhD at the same time as starting a family - While I'm not suggesting you give up on your dreams, remember that it is perfectly acceptable to do neither of these things and still have a happy, successful and fulfilling life.

Actually guys every thing is going worse unfortunately, the residence from another country where I have been asked for insane amount of money of repair 1400 euro, although I pay for them insurance 500 euro. I am now in another country in europe and have residence permit of the other country for three years. I dont have this insane amount of money, they fabricated stuff. Now, I am afraid that they can revoked the residence permit if I didnot give them money they want. I know it is off-topic, but things are really messed up, I do think I HAVE HEAVY stuff on my chest. I think I have punches from each angle. I am so much afraid, they dont reply, I sent a complaint to consumer protection in Europe, but nothing yet.

Oh no, that really isn't what you need right now. You must feel pretty yeh like you said, heavy stuff going down. Can you go to your student union and ask for advice? They might be able to give you some feedback/advice a lot more quickly than the consumer protection people (whatever that is). Good luck sorting it.