Signup date: 01 Mar 2015 at 9:25pm
Last login: 17 May 2022 at 6:00pm
Post count: 24
So hi guys. I'm here again to update my story on my sup who had a romantic interest in me. I was advised by many to change sups but unfortunately i couldn't due for many reasons particularly because i have gone far. Please make no mistake, my sup is a good person, very kind and all, generous, very workaholic, productive and my academic mentor. However, he is seriously flawed when it comes to women. Eversince i told him my stand, he respected that and presently he doesn't bug me anymore but now the issue is he still tells me things i do not solicit for nor want. For example he tells me details and i mean graphic details about his extramarital affairs especially recently when he almost got into trouble, he turned to me for advice. he also tells me about his home and wife and how things have long dissolved there. i have no choice but to listen and each time, i advise him to change and tell him i'll pray for him. i even encouraged him to confess to his wife about the extramarital affair which he said he did and she took well because they had drifted apart so she wasn't surprised. That was how i got in the mix and started playing marriage counsellor. Anyway i think i am dealing with him better and i have found a way to adjust to the things he tells me. i asked once why he tells me all these, and he said he has no one else to tell. that was when i urged him to tell his wife. I understand that one has to make sacrifices or pay some sort of price to get what you want, and if this is part of what i have to endure to get my PhD, then i'll manage. I never judge him, only reinforce my stand and encourage him to do what is right. i wish he would stop telling me these things and focus strictly on academia but no he apparently wont, and i don't wanna offend him because he gets so upset whenever i do. i'm still at his mercy for now, so i'll just try to be mature about it. it's all good. Pls your comments and advise are highly appreciated.
Hi this is just my opinion. I think you need to decide which is more important to you and chose one so that you can give it your best. There is no point doing either in a inefficiently, and since you can't seem to cope with the two you may need to quit one.
You are not alone in how you feel. I think it's normal to feel this way at the initial phases of PhD because i do too, and although i'm in my first year, i feel like i am not getting enough results and it feels so slow like i'm not doing much. Sometimes it even feels like i'm wasting my time but i know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I tell myself to keep at it and hang in there. It will get better in the end. My supervisor is co-operative and well aware of whati am doing, so i feel that if he thinks it is not robust enough he would point it out. There are times when i'm left alone to do all myself and i embrace the feeling of independence and report back to him.
Anyway my point is don't be discouraged, hang in there, read more and trust your work. You are the "CEO" of this research and you should act as such. The data may be small for now but i assure you it will get bigger and sometimes it's not about how small or large the data is, its more about the quality.
I have also learnt not to underestimate any data i have as 'small'. I blow it and report it as part of my findings. Even if it's just say temperature readings or GPS coordinates of your study area. Blow it, present it on tables, figures whatever and don't feel that it is small. As long as it is an important data, it matters. Develop a positive approach to the whole thing and exude confidence. Trust me your lab colleagues may not be more capable than you, they may only be more confident about whatever they are doing. Even if they have similar feelings like you, they may not show it. I believe things will get better with time.
Hi all, please I need suggestions on how to earn some extra income while doing a full time PhD. it's really hard depending on family for money, so i was wondering if others in my shoes can give me ideas on how to make some money part-time while doing the PhD. Also are there unconventional ways of getting funding for your work as the ones i've applied for have not yet worked out.
Hi rubix,ist of all sorry for your loss. I'm relatively young in the PhD having spent almost a year. You are not alone in how you feel. I have thought about quitting several time but like you I think about the implications, how I would disappoint my ever so committed sups, how I would appear a failure and that I may regret it. These thoughts bring me back to my work. One thing is as much as you may not enjoy your field either discuss with your sups and change topics or you try to enjoy it. Without a remote interest, it would be a miserable experience .
I was not so passionate about my research at first because it warranted a lot of interstate travel on field work so it was just depressing but I had to embrace it because I didn't wanna quit and I felt the work is meaningful. Another thing that keeps me going is my personal drive, I have always been willing to face challenges and overcome them.
So I would say try and make a few friends, so you van at least have company. It may not be easy but you can try. Be more open and willing to talk about your struggles. It helps. I have come to learn that in doing a PhD you have to takecharge of your social life and balance things otherwise it can be depressing. Like you again, even when low I still appear happy so people don't know my struggles. I wear a smile constantly and use every and try not to miss a social event if I can help it. It would get better at the end and be totally worth it.
If you decide on the other hand, to quit make sure you have given it a good thought. If you do, don' t worry about what others think. Do it for you. Be selfish for your own good. It may be hard but you can try.
Hi guys. Pls I'm I the only one who ever feels lonely and sometimes depressed. What's worse is i'm still searching for my significant other to share my struggles with and to be some sort of support system. I know I worry a lot but I think this Phd is robbing me of friends and relationships. Does anyone feel the same way? What do you do to overcome such feelings for the sake of your sanity?
Hi everyone, thanks for your kind advice. Unfortunately changing supervisors is out of it now, as I have come quite far with my research and I can't start afresh. I will just try to be careful, wise and hopefully resolve this issue tactfully.
As for the choice of name, that was just on a whim, the first thing that came to mind. LOL. Babygirl is not my pet name. Though I must confess he has once called me his baby. *sigh*
Thanks again. This forum and you guys are the best.
I think i am having an emotional affair with my supervisor and i need some advice. I am a single lady being supervised by a married attractive man (with kids). I have always thought he was attractive but never had it crossed my mind that anything could happen between us because i draw the line when it comes to married men and of course he's my sup. However we have grown really close during the course of my program so far and he tells me almost everything. One day he burst my bubble of all i thought about him when he tried to kiss me after hugging me so closely. I explained to him that i cant have a relationship with a married man , that there was no future in it. It seemed as though he understood for a while because he didn't pressure me or make advances, until recently when he started explaining about things not being ok with his wife and how his marriage was just together for the kids. Anytime i offend him, he takes it so personal and then recently he tells me he loves me that i have been sending him signals as if i do too, i told him i don't which isn't true because i have grown to really like him so much, maybe it's love.
The long and short is i still have some 2 to 3 years to work with this man, and he is still attracted to me. Maybe i shouldn't have listened to him tell me everything about his life even things i would normally be judgemental about but he is my supervisor i dare not be. Lately i offended him again and he said he would go back to relating with me professionally that i would prefer it rather than him being close to me, kind of threatening to cut me off from his personal life. Perhaps that may just be what i need to sort out this situation.
I need advice please, if you have more questions i'll answer.
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