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MyWorld
Tuesday, 7 August 2018 at 10:49pm
Sunday, 19 August 2018 at 8:27pm
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Thread: Dealing with "sexism" in the lab

posted
19-Aug-18, 20:33
edited about 1 second later
by MyWorld
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posted about 7 hours ago
Thanks pm133, I have never told my husband all this things, I thought to told him about it but I did not want to upset him or worry him I thought that I can manage this by myself...but sometimes I think to talk to him about it...

The case is that I have never told my co-mentor that I feel uncomfortable with his comments about my physical appearance or other kind of things like coming to my desk just to see how I am doing...I do not know how he is going to react to hay , I really do not care but there were a lot of times that he was mistreating me or doing the silence time to me... that is another case of abuse here, and use my husband well it is something that I can try next time maybe, I was thinking in telling my co-mentor that he should keep those comments to himself that I do not need that now, but usually when he tells me something like that I am in shock and i cannot answer well.
I never told him that I am not interested in him or his comments but it’s something that I was thinking about, my behavior is showing him that I am not comfortable there and he feels that it he doesn’t care.
It seems to me like when I started to not follow his game” upsets him and now mistreats me a lot...

Thanks a lot for your words and support...

Thread: Dealing with "sexism" in the lab

posted
17-Aug-18, 22:42
edited about 14 seconds later
by MyWorld
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posted about 2 days ago
Thanks a lot for your answers and support, I think that the best to try is to manage things as discrete as possible...you never know...if I talk with the graduate director and decide going to another lab I have to be very careful because my mentor is really well known at the university...so this is a big problem, but I am dealing with it as best as I can, I just wan to finish my PhD and forget, but sometimes my frustration is so big that I will leave tomorrow...

Thanks so much, you help me a lot.

Thread: Dealing with "sexism" in the lab

posted
15-Aug-18, 00:04
by MyWorld
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posted about 5 days ago
[quote]Quote From Tudor_Queen:
Hi MyWorld

Thanks so much for your support and words, it means a lot...and I am sorry about your experience...that is really unfair.
well I was dealing with that difficult decision about changing labs a couple months ago, but the advice that my director track gave me surprised me like do not move things, you are better there because you know the research and you can be independent,etc...and my boss too.
So I have a boss who pays me that is a mentor and a co-mentor, the one who I am working with, but I called him my mentor because he is present everyday...my boss is not really present at all (too busy)...I do not have too much confidence with my real boss and he and my co-mentor they have a really good relationship, so I do not think that would be a good idea...I can suggest again about changing labs and see if his reaction now is different like asking more questions, but as you said, I would do that just saying maybe I feel uncomfortable..but not too much detail. I need a stipend so it is really difficult to find a lab with grants and at least a topic similar to mine...and my campus do not have a lot of opportunities...and I did not move too much because I rather to be discrete but maybe I should move more.

There is another possibility about talking with the director of graduate programs that is a woman and just tell her about me having troubles at my lab (do not specify)...
And for sure I will write a letter about this.

Thanks again, you are great.

Thread: Dealing with "sexism" in the lab

posted
14-Aug-18, 22:46
by MyWorld
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posted about 5 days ago
[quote]Quote From Tudor_Queen:
Hi MyWorld

Tudor_Queen thanks so much for your reply and support...I really appreciate this...I knew that it was creepy, and yes, I am an international student...
I have talked about this with my personal counselor at the university and some friends, they agree that is creepy but I do not know, my friends are international although my personal counselor is not and she advice me to get out from here.

It was a mix of things (adding this creepy thing and my mentor criticizing all of my ideas that were related with new techniques that he does not know about, because he thought that would mean me leaving, and he treats me very bad now) and I tried to move some things to see how easy would be to get out of this lab, but my boss (not my mentor) that is the one that puts me here to develop a project, told me that he cannot do anything to put me in another lab (he does not know this creepy stuff) and if I move to another place he would not be my support anymore...

I was looking for other labs in the campus but it would mean to loose everything that I have done here and I am in my third year of my PhD...I thought to continue for two years because I came here to work... and that was the recommendation of my director track (so I talked about get out only doing references of research problems) and I did not explain these to anyone else. My director track, my boss, other professor and including my mentor, knew about me wanting to move to another place but I did not find any support, only words of being quite and continue with my work, because fighting against the system does not work for anybody.

I am being careful with this but I did not comment about it to anyone involved in the research field...I think that I would only find trouble...but changing labs was the only option (drastic) that I was thinking about. The other option that I am doing is to be very curt, sometimes rude to give him the message that I am not fine in here, but that hurts me too.

Thanks so much for your words.

Thread: Dealing with "sexism" in the lab

posted
14-Aug-18, 20:21
by MyWorld
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posted about 5 days ago
Hi everyone,

I wrote some time ago about the boredom of my PhD project, this thread is about some behavior from my mentor that makes me feel uncomfortable.

The first months that I was working in the lab was fine, he was really nice to me (and my husband) and I really enjoyed being around him. Suddenly things started to get a little strange when he wrote me a text to my phone when he was in a trip with his wife...the text was really nothing, a good morning in the sand of the beach...but it was like 7.30am and it felt a little uncomfortable... when he came back things were ok but I did not feel as well as before with him, and I think that he noticed that and started to come to my desk (a lot) just to see how I was doing. Sometimes it is really weird situation that I am dealing with as better as I can, I am the only student and anyone has noticed this...and a little way ago he told me "do not dress in a feminine way" or "you are not an unattractive person"...and that makes me think about his behavior.

Maybe it is me...and there are other situations like that and it really feels very uncomfortable and sometimes I control it and sometimes do not...he usually tells me that he cares about me and I think that it is true but it is just feel weird.

If someone has an opinion about this or a similar experience...I do not know if I am exaggerating...but I think that this is not appropriate and makes go to the lab everyday more difficult.

Thanks so much for the support.

Thread: PhD Depression - any chatbot/mobile app therapy is helpful at all?

posted
14-Aug-18, 19:46
edited about 14 seconds later
by MyWorld
Avatar for MyWorld
posted about 5 days ago
Hi, I am sorry to hear that, I was with anxiety and depression in my first year, so I went to the student services and usually they have counselors that can help you to deal with that, for me is being great and I am still on it. My work is better and I feel that my counselor is helping me a lot. Try do something that you like maybe at the gym of your university between hours of lab...Yoga has been great to me.
I hope that this can help..

Thread: How to fight against boredom in my dissertation project

posted
09-Aug-18, 16:18
by MyWorld
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posted about 1 week ago
Thanks Tudor_Queen that is something that frustrates me a lot!but I am on a grant with a stipend so...I should just work on it...

Thread: How to fight against boredom in my dissertation project

posted
09-Aug-18, 16:16
by MyWorld
Avatar for MyWorld
posted about 1 week ago
Thanks so much for yous answers, I usually do things over the weekend but not after lab in the week, I should look for something to disconnect from my project and no go home straight away...
It is good to know that I am not alone on this!

Thanks!

Thread: How to fight against boredom in my dissertation project

posted
07-Aug-18, 23:24
edited about 23 seconds later
by MyWorld
Avatar for MyWorld
posted about 1 week ago
Hi everyone,

It was a long time that I would like to write about my situation and I do not know if any has advice for me.
I am a graduate student in my third year, and the topic of my dissertation is really interesting to me but not the way that is being developed.
I have been working at the same place for years and I proposed new techniques and new ways to add data and make my PhD project better (and maybe publish in better journals) but my mentor is quite classic (old school) and he does not want to introduce anything that I am proposing, I have to do what he says and my ideas are not really being part of my project (he says that it will take me more time to develop those and I will be out of focus). I know that not everyone can develop their ideas but it is really frustrating and boring. Now I am going to work by myself and that is something that will help in my willing to enjoy my work here, but still the project and the techniques that we used are not very interesting to me.

I am here for two more years (I hope) and I will finish my PhD...and that thought is what is keeping me here..and the topic too, and maybe I can develop my ideas better in a postdoc... but sometimes my frustration keeps me away of enjoying this time of my life, and I know that this happens in a PhD but not everyday right?

Thanks so much.
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