posted about 3 years ago
Hey, just need to get this off my chest because I’ve been feeling pretty down since it happened. Went in feeling pretty confident - not overly so, but I felt like I submitted a really great piece of work that I worked really really hard on. My supervisor, who is great, felt the same way.
The assessors immediately and aggressively questioned the scope of my study, and I really tried my best to defend myself (as is the point of a viva!) but they were pretty relentless. The most frustrating thing was that they didn’t ask me focused questions concerning their specific problems! They’d give semi-rambling monologues, and then stare at me, at which point I’d lost the thread of the 'question'. Even worse, I kept getting interrupted!! I ended up speaking fast so I could make my points before getting interrupted again.
I had to try hard not to burst into tears because I knew how bad it would look. After this line of questioning was done, the rest was less stressful. After I left, however, I overheard one assessor say that I was trying to write my "life’s work!” which is *really* untrue! I know that a thesis is not meant to be 'discipline-changing'…but I guess that didn't come through in my work/defence.
Sorry, I know there are far worse viva stories out there. I just feel really on-edge now, after having spent years trying to tackle my PhD-related anxiety. I told my supervisor a 'cleaned-up' version of what happened (including the ‘life’s work’ comment). She told me not to worry, and that the worst case scenario was a ‘referral’, which wasn’t unusual in my uni. This actually made me worry more…so today, I’m wondering what work to do because the thought of working on my thesis right now is making feel a little physically sick…
Apologies for being a drama queen, thanks for letting me vent :)