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Depressed

A

Hi, I've had lots of trouble with my PhD, and lots of soul searching in order to decide that I should carry on and make the best of what I have (a funded PhD and a good supervisor). At the end of last week I finally had a break through, it was so amazing to feel like I knew what I was doing. I have been asked to write a report for the end of my 2nd year, just a few pages to link together my studies, etc. However, this is where it all goes wrong.

I have been worrying about the report, but haven't written it yet because I've been writing up my other studies, these led to my new ideas which I needed before I could write the report. Then, the person who asked me to write the report asked me to come for a meeting, they told me not to prepare, they told me not to worry and that it was just to check how I am. Instead, they had a go at me for a short time (not long enough to check if I was ok, not long enough to have a proper conversation) and reminded me that "I had no time" and that it was "critical" for my PhD that I sort these things out - It's not like I don't know. I have been worried sick about this.

I feel pretty depressed and fed up of it all again now, last week was the first time in nearly 2 years that I felt ok, then this has come along and I feel awful again. I just don't know what to do. Part of me feels like quitting because I am so angry. Part of me feels like pushing myself through it all, i just feel so exhausted. I have told my supervisor about this (they were pretty surprised as they thought I've been doing really well) and they have been very supportive, but I still feel terrible.

M

This sounds horrible and to be knocked back just as you'd picked yourself up must be the worst. However, you've clearly thought through what you're doing and why so hang on to those thoughts and don't let one person's insensitivity destroy your positive progress. You knew the things they'd told you already and were coping with them, however tricky the time pressures, so try not to panic just because they've been rammed down your throat in this horrible way. It might be better for you to have some official time out to deal with your exhaustion and feelings of depression and get some proper help. On the other hand, you sound like someone who might benefit by pushing on through for the feeling of success you'll get when it's done. Let the anger pass - it will - and you'll be able to think more clearly about what you're doing, plus use the support you're getting from your supervisors plus any other resources from university or your doctor which will help you through this. Remember what that positive feeling felt like last week: you can get back there and will. Good luck.

G

Ah, so you decided to continue with your PhD! I was wondering what you'd decided to do after I messaged you. Best of luck.

A

Hey. Yeah, it is just really annoying to feel so upset after finally feeling ok about everything. I'm actually quite annoyed! x

S

You should focus that anger into your work then! Use it to your advantage! After making such wonderful progress last week don't let one person's comments ruin everything for you, you've come too far. The crucial thing is your supervisor was also surprised at the comments. If everyone was thinking the same way as this one person, then you'd be right to be worried, but they're not. Just try and put all your energy into getting the work done, and sod everyone else. You know what you've got to do! x

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