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On the 'I want to quit' theme

E

I guess my PhD moans are not so different to heaps of other folk out there given what I've read. But hell, I need to have a rant. Given I seem to have lost the ability to concisely say what I mean, bullet points on the 'wanting to quit' theme (and even these are long winded!):
1. Coming to the end of my third year, funding runs out and not looking like I'll get an extension.
2. Even if I do get an extension, no amount of work (well, maybe 10 more years!) is going to give me enough data to answer the questions I was trying to.
3. Recently found another student has completed (and recently published most of) a thesis more or less identical to my intended. Only this other student was working in a team well versed in the subject whereas there is little experience in the establishment I work in (especially with samples so problematic as mine appear to be!)
4. Since my first day, I have put in silly hours to try and achieve something but 2.75 years on, I have barely achieved anything in terms of data. My whole project has been fraught with problems in getting anything to work in the lab and so what should take a few months has taken a few years.
5. I am fortunate in having a very interested supervisor who likes to meet regularly and is eternally optimistic about the work. The only problem is that I never seem to work enough hours or employ the right tactics to achieve what they think I should have (or what I would have liked to), meaning I have had a constant 'I'm not cut out for this' feeling since pretty much day one.
6. I stupidly ignored the want to quit and plodded on regardless until now. And now I feel so far through my time, that I have no idea if I can quit (without having to pay back a stupid amount of money, face endless 'disappointed in you' from all I know and besides, what the hell else would I do?!)
7. I am a mature student who has already made one massive career change to follow the field I am now in. I wrote the proposal and got the funding as I genuinely felt it was a good project with heaps of potential. In hind-sight (like many others I know), it was hugely ambitious and had it worked, would have been really neat stuff. But there was always a large chance it wasn't going to work in the time I have. And here I am.
8. I have approached the subject of quitting with my supervisor a few times and discussed with a a few colleagues, all of whom just seem to dismiss my general doubt that I can do this and urge me to carry on. But again, like many on here, I am now not only starting to dislike research but I hate my project and can only see all the negativity surrounding it.
9. I have tried taking a holiday but it just makes me hate coming back to the work even more.
10. So, I have about 3 months left to try and get something to work and that's without knowing what the hell to make a thesis around.

If anyone has anything helpful to say or has felt quite so hopeless, it would be great to know.

T

Hi EmDee,

I am new here and this is my first post. Although I am not a mature student and my phd is in the humanities, I am pretty much in the same situation as you. I'm in year 3+, I am out of funding (currently applying for an extension), my project is a blob of writing that is half-baked and not well structured at all. And, I may very well incur way more debt that I want to incur if I decide to complete my thesis within the next year or so. I don't mean to thread-jack with my own problems, I just want you to know that you are not alone.

This is my advice:

I am considering quiting too. But...

First, see if you can get an extension on your funding. If you do, work as hard as you can and do as much as you can. Then see how you go.

Second, plan to quit. Don't quit until you have an exit-plan (either a job or another degree to study). That's the conclusion that I've come up with regarding my own situation.

-tvready

E

Hey there,
Sorry to hear things are not great for you either. Like yourself, I am new to this forum, but judging by many of the other posts on here, these feelings are relatively common among PhD students. In fact, I can't quite believe I have only just found this site as I think it would have been really reassuring to have heard about other peoples experiences before now!

I guess we all have the tendancy to feel like ours is the worse PhD/supervisor/project/situation ever, and I guess there are always those worse off! But I think (in hindsight which is such a wonderful thing!), for me, its just frustrating that I know I have been flogging a dead horse for the last year or so and slowly it has worn me down to a completely miserable individual. I used to always count myself as relatively optimistic. Now I'm not sure I even know the meaning of the word!

As you say, the plan to quit is certainly NOT something to be taken lightly and something I wouldn't so without serious consideration. I think for me, the major downer is that I had reservations about the project fairly early on and these have all proved to be valid. Despite having talked repeatedly about these worries with my supervisor (and unfortunately I only have one), I was urged to keep at the question and methods in question despite all the failings. Sometimes I wonder if the powers that be just don't want to admit to having accepted a failing project!

I guess it doesnt help that I am stupidly tough on myself and never feel like I do enough work. Again, like others I've read on here, I've been through periods of complete depression and disinterest (which I interestingly get told to 'snap out of', like its a choice!) but what worries me is getting to the end of the time and having nothing but a red face and high blood pressure!

I wish I could say something constructive to you as well, but its kinda tough when by the sounds of it, its the same boat that rocks. Still, contact with others is good, if for nothing other than a good old moan!

I really hope you get the extra funding you've applied for. It would make life just that little bit easier to make a potential go-er of it! Best of luck and fingers crossed it all works out for you.

E

W

Im on my first year of phd.

My supervisor said I hadn't done enough for my qualifying exam which is coming at the end of this year...

sometimes i felt so tired...

I tried so hard to read, read, and read. My supervisor doesn't give any suggestions on my work...

I felt im working alone, making so little progress...

M

I am new on this forum and have spent the last 3 years following my advisor as an MA student. He left the University and went off to work for another Institute which I ended up having to pretty much quit my MA and now I am enrolled in a PhD program.

I am one week in my course, and I am already receiving negative comments from him. He constantly say that I am not 'proactive' enough and that I should work my ass off on every reserach opportunity that I get.

The problem is, he is always too busy to see me, and he's the only person in the institute that knows anything of my field so any 'opportunity' it would be ones that is passed to me from no one but himself. Yet he has this unrealistic demand and belittles me saying that I am not up to standard and I should work harder. I mean for christs sake I have only been officially a student for a week.

I have been working on my proposal for 1+ year and it is never good enough. He told me it needs to be perfect. Yet, he doesn't look over my stuff and expects that I miraculously produce something totally perfect.

I am lost, my project hasn't even started, and I am already stuck with a lot of aspects of my research.

Just to let you know that you're not alone. Try to apply for an extension and hang in there.

R

Emdee,

I do sympathise with your situation. I left my PhD after my first year and it was a tough decision to make so I can only imagine what its like after investing over three years in the project.. I would give you too pieces of advice:

1) If you feel that it's at the point where your health is starting to suffer then I would say it really isn't worth it and you should consider leaving. I know it won't feel like it, but there is no shame in leaving and from my experience dropping out of a PhD won't necessarily have a huge impact on your future career.

2) Or if you are at the end of your tether and want out then maybe you should try stick it out for a few more months and submit for an Mphil if you can't stomach the thought of a PhD submission. You really should try to salvage something from it if you can!!

I hope this helps by all means message me I can be of any help,

cheers,

rjb

T

i'm not a PhD student, but i can understand really well what you are going through. i have been thinking about doing a phd for the past 3 years now, had my ups and downs. during my last internship my supervisor was barely existant and i had to do the project by myself, basically work like a phd does. thats when i realized phd wasnt the right choice for me and im not gonna do one, at least for now. but during that internship i had to battle with many negative emotions like you described as well, a project that just doesnt work well, no procedures/protocols in place, had to do and optimize everything myself..having to do that on a 8-month long project wears you out. the more time you waste on having to fix issues, the less time you have to gain data. in the end i had mainly negative results and had to write my report and my presentation about optimization only. the advice i can give you from this perspective is: negative results are also results. many people dont see it this way, but how many times does someone do some experiment and it just doesnt work for the 100th time... and then someone from another department comes by for a visit, takes a look at your work and says "oh yea, i tried that a few years back ... that just doesnt work, could have told you that" ..... duh! .... everyone is wasting time because nobody likes to write about negative results. aaaanyways ... take a look at your project and what you have found out so far. is it possible to make a 'negative' story out of it? i know thats very difficult, and i dont know what topic you have, but take a look if thats possible or not.

BUT .... if you cant make any story from it at any cost: just quit mate. you said yourself that you werent sure about this phd basically from the start on. for the past years you have been in constant doubt and worry. and i know from own experience, thats a very unhealthy place to be in, it can lead you down some very dark paths... from what i can read between your lines, i think you WANT to quit, you have made that decision inside already a long time ago. you're just afraid to do so, because of what others might say and be disappointed in you. but let me tell you one thing: it IS okay to quit! people might be disappointed, but that will pass. and besides, its YOUR life. YOU need to feel comfortable in it. dont let yourself get pressured by others, if your supervisor thinks your project is going so well although you have told him time and time again that it didnt, let him do it himself. do what makes YOU happy, do what makes you feel GOOD. and this phd obviously doesnt. life is way too short to worry about what others might think, worry about what could have been. you had a good idea, you got the funding you wanted, you followed the path. see what you achieved already? i doubt many people can do what you did. then you tried the project, and you got unlucky and it didnt work out, thats life, thats phds...not everything works out the way we want it to. but now its time to move on, go do something else instead, something that makes you feel better, and in a few years, when and IF you feel like it, you could try again.

dont be afraid to say "no"

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