I'm sorry, but I don't subscribe to this notion that, if a partner is not 'providing' sex then the man/woman has a 'license' to cheat. How shallow, how pressurised! So you mean to tell me that if a person is going through a difficult time, and are not at all in the mood for sex, then they should expect their partner will be looking elsewhere? I have known friends to have sex with their partners when they weren't in the mood, because they said they feared that if they didn't, their partners might cheat on them. Surely relationships are comprised of more than this. I believe strongly in honesty: if someone is unhappy then they should just leave, and not live a double life which actually makes them a coward.

I can totally relate to the 'nothing happening in the brain' thing you're on about eddi. I get those periods too, like you're just mindlessly moving from one text to the next. I'm sure I'm going about my research the wrong way. I think I'm treating it like a race to see how many texts I can get through, and don't even realise I'm doing it. This means I'm not taking anything in, and getting them all confused! Arghh! It's quite amazing if you think about it, just how much reading we'll have done by the time we finish (or, if we finish I should say) our PhDs!!!I'm sure it's not normal having all this information stored in your brain

Cheers for the suggestion shani! I think my sweets are too easily accessible. I keep all my treats in a drawer next to my desk--don't even have to leave my seat to reach them! I'm leaning on food too much at the moment. When I'm having a bad day, I use food to alleviate my frustration. I know this is unhealthy. I've always loved food, but I seem to have become even more attached to it since starting the PhD.

One of my friends is currently going through a divorce whilst also just starting his PhD. However, because his wife has objected to the divorce, it looks like it's going to drag out for at least two years. He's so dispirited right now. Even though they're living apart, he told me he doesn't feel he can truly move on with his life until the divorce goes through. He's worried that his PhD is going to suffer immensely because of the emotional turmoil of the divorce.

Oh dear oh dear! It's creeping up even more. Since I posted this thread I've gained another 3lbs. I can't believe this, drastic action needed here. It really is getting out of hand. It's all my fault though, must admit. I'm constantly reaching for the biscuits and sweets when I'm working, and I don't even think I realise just how much I'm getting through in a day. It's amazing how quickly it piles on. Maybe I should take a 2week break from the PhD and check into one of those regimented health farms.

Hi shani. I have no desire whatsoever to get married. I have always kept an open mind as regards changing my mind about things, but that is one thing that I'm certain about. I don't want to have kids either. You know how they say that every girl dreams of their wedding day? Well, that doesn't apply to me. In fact, when I think of marriage, I get a sinking feeling in my stomach and feel terrified and depressed! Some people view you as a biological anomaly if you say you don't want marriage and kids, but that's something I've felt strongly about for some time, and I've already passed the supposed age when your 'biological clock' is meant to kick in full gear. I don't feel depressed at the thought of not having those things. I just want different things which make me just as happy.

Hi everyone. I'm really curious to know what everyone would class as their top distraction when trying to work on your PhD? Mine would have to be the internet. I've thought of ways to sort this, but I need my computer to work! I spent 3 hours on YouTube this afternoon, couldn't believe it when I looked at the clock and realised how much time had passed. I think food would come second. So what distracts you?

The reason I think it's actually a good thing to be selfish when you're working on the PhD, is that often the blocks we face during the PhD are to do with other people: their perception of what we do, guilt for working so intently on the PhD and neglecting relationships, feeling we have to impress our supervisors, feeling that we always have to justify ourselves. So this is why being selfish pays off, because you can tune all of that out, and focus.

jojo, so sorry to hear you're facing so many hurdles. I can relate to everything you said in your message. As far as partners is concerned, my boyfriend and I split up a few weeks ago because he refused to see just how much work is required for a PhD. He would moan if I was working in the evenings, and just didn't understand the pressure involved at all--same with my family. I'm starting to be more self-centred now in order to combat feelings of worthlessness where others in my life are concerned. I know it sounds harsh, but it's a requirement to get through the PhD I think. To get focused, we have to say to others: This is how it is. If you don't like it, stuff it

You become a master cake-maker and your house is always tidy--due to avoidance of work I quite like being able to tell people I'm doing a PhD, and there being no need for further explanation! It's quite nice to be doing something so obscure that, when you start explaining it, you can see people tuning out. It feels like you're living in an alternate reality.

I just got a piece of writing back, and my heart sank when I saw all the corrections It's absolutely covered in them, don't seem to have done anything right. The worrying thing is, that when I handed it in, I thought it was okay, not brilliant, but not dreadful. Now I'm terrified to write anything else! I don't think I've ever felt so uptight about writing. It's only since I started the PhD that I dread it so much. I think my fear is putting major blocks on my writing. I wish I was one of those people that just types away furiously, full of energy and confident about what I was trying to say!

Oh my God, I can't believe this! I've put on a whole stone since I started the PhD! This is mortifying, but not surprising considering the complete rubbish I've been eating and the lack of movement. Has anyone else experienced this? I have been eating loads of choc, cake, biscuits, etc. (but they're so comforting when you're in a PhD rut!) I started a diet last week, but it's just making me feel lethargic and I'm having trouble concentrating. At this rate, they're going to have to roll me in for my viva!!!

xeno, my mom asks me the same thing! She asked me yesterday, in fact, and I replied: 'There's no guarantee that I will even get the PhD, so I'm trying to focus on just doing that at the moment'. You can imagine the shock this evoked. She assumed that once you started your PhD, you were definitely going to get it. We all know how difficult post PhD life is, so even if you have 'plans' about what you'd like to do, there is no guarantee that you will. I've tried to explain to her how the PhD is one of the most life-altering pursuits a person can undertake, but she still thinks it's only 'another degree'. I've just resigned myself to letting any comments go right over my head!

Hi everyone--apologies for yet another thread about the struggle to write, but I am really struggling here and wondered if anyone could give some refreshing advice. I just can't seem to get started. I think my expectations are too high, and I don't feel I've collated nearly enough data to start yet. Is it okay to tell my supervisor that I don't feel ready to write yet? Everytime I've made an attempt, I find it is sounding generic and it just makes me cringe!

If you get your work 'out there', you can also avoid the heartbreaking scenario of being in the final stages of your PhD, and finding that someone else has just published your results. This happened to a friend of mine recently and he's devastated.