Signup date: 14 Dec 2022 at 12:33pm
Last login: 14 Dec 2022 at 12:33pm
Post count: 1
Hi, I saw your post and can empathise with your experience and feeling. Is the same with my PhD journey. After 5 gruelling years with physical and mental problems and submitting in time (my PhD was a part-time), my examiners told me that I need to rework and resubmit. I realised from my examiner's feedback that my PhD was littered with holes and errors that stem from the start of my PhD. As a novice researchers, I was learning as I was carrying out research work, and many of the errors happened unconsciously. I was quite annoyed with my supervisors because I had hoped that he would highlight this to me as I was learning about research skills. He kept harping on "you are the expert" and although I was the expert in the research topic, I was not in terms of the research skills which is transferable between research project. An example of a research skill would be the rigour of the research method. Moreover, with other issues beyond my control, I wanted a PhD extension which was flat-out refused by my supervisors. With that, I rushed with my work and produced a messy thesis. Even when I highlighted the issues I was having, my supervisors gaslighted the whole situation as "no big deal" and therefore, not justifiable for an extension. I regretted not roping in a third supervisor because I gave them a benefit of doubt. I know it sounds like I am blaming my supervisors as academic peers always told me to take control of my thesis, which I did on many occasions, but I found that when something bad happens if I refuse to listen to my supervisors, I get blamed for not listening. And if I do listen to them and something bad happens, I get told that I should have taken control. Essentially, when something bad happens, "keep calm and blame the PhD candidate for either not listening or not taking control". To make matters worse, my mental health has taken a massive toll and literally fighting suicidal thoughts every day. But reading your comments help me realised I am not alone and collectively, PhD students are helping each other to keep going. I encouraged myself that the PhD is a learning journey and although we are asked to resubmit, we need to remind ourselves (1) we did not give up and went through the viva and did the best we could (2) is not over yet.
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