Getting something personal off my chest


Just feeling a bit low at the moment. Work is frenetic and dull and repetitive and going nowhere. Last week my other half moved 150 miles away to take up a new post. We're too poor to afford the rail fares to see each other regularly (like once a month) and the flat has been very quiet. Today I had to have my geriatric cat (who I adored) put to sleep and the flat is even quieter. My friends are wrapped up in their own lives, I have an almost uncontrollable urge to scream at something and I can't stop shaking.


Rant over.


I can so relate to you on a number of levels and I totally understand your urge to scream - trust me.

I think I must have 'please feel free to walk over me' marked in ink across my face but I'm the only one that can't see it.


Hope things pick up soon.


hi. Sorry to hear about your cat. I guess its not easy being away from your SOH. My phd friends are all busy with themselves too. And the non-phd friends I have, I like them, they are wonderful people but sometimes the chemistry is just not there (for example I miss my bestfriend, and shes back home in Lagos). I'm also alone most of the time.

Do something nice for yourself? As for me, today I'm going window-shopping.
Just a couple of hours walking. I'll be ok. You be ok too, ok?
love satchi


I can relate to you. Work is in exactly the same way as yours, my friends are wrapped up in their own lives and I'm back living with my parents (though this is temporary), so I'm trapped, can never get out anywhere. Oh and I'm skint too. Things will get better though, Hypothesis. Chin up :-)


Dear Hypothesis! Get a new cat from the abandoned animals' facility. There are so many cuties up there looking for you to find them. Long-distance relation is really hard,but from the other side, you still have someone!! you can call, send long thoughtful emails. i have noticed with my boyfriend, being away sometimes leads to interesting emails, different from the day-to-day talks... Many PhD students are single, this is even harder than your situation, isn't it? Like I said, even though far, you have that special person. So get a cat, do some sports, enjoy good old-fashioned romantic mailing relation...


150 miles is a long distance. I decided long ago that I could never be too far apart from my other half - it may limit career options, but c'est la vie, there are more important things. At times it can feel like your life is on hold when you're stuck in a place trying to complete your PhD. Hope you feel better/ get this resolved.


When I read posts like these I want to scream too. I think that no matter what PhD students have to put their perspectives in order. I know a guy neglecting everyone in his life because of the PhD, to the point where he may lose his girlfriend. At the end of the day, no job will make you as happy as the people in your life. Do what makes you happy. Do you have to be on campus? Can you do some of it from home to spend more time together? Whatever you do good luck! Don't get too down, Skype is a great invention too.

Avatar for ginga

Getting a new kitten is a positive start, things will get better from thereafter. Good luck.


Thanks everyone for all your support, it was much appreciated. (up)


Awww, are you feeling any better? I think you should definitely head out and get yourself a new kitten/cat, I know it's hard right after you have lost one but it will help fill the empty space even though it won't replace your old cat. I find pets bring a lot of joy and company, even when things are a bit (or more than a bit) shitty. I guess the other thing is to try to keep yourself busy. I guess we all go through patches where the work is dull, but make sure you spend time outside work doing things you enjoy...can you drag your friends out and do something a bit different, or take up a new hobby or sport or something? I know it won't get rid of the problems you're having, but a bit of distraction can sometimes help. It must be really hard to have your other half move away- I've never been in that situation so it's hard to know what to suggest. My flatmate's boyfriend lives several hundred miles away, and it is hard for them to see each other very often, but they still make it work, and make sure they do something really special when they are able to see each other. I'm sure you will find a way to work it out, you won't be that far apart forever. Have a big hug. KB.


I can totally sympathise on feeling low.. Recently split up with my bf of 3.5 years and along with some other probs my head is all over the place and the last thing on my mind is this bloody PhD malarky.. so screaming sounds like a very good option to me!

I hope you feel better soon (up)


i can totally understand, i wanna scream too from time to time... it's hard to see your path sometimes or ways how to get through... all i can say is, take it one step at a time and take your time. don't get too stressed about the future, do what you want to do in the present. do what makes you happy, that's the only way to stay sane i guess :S


I can see why if you can only see your partner once a month. It's kind of takes the point away from having a relationship (no offense, I say it out of sympathy). I advise that you look into ways of meeting up with her more often. Like by saving up, asking friends to drive you over and you pay part of the gas (if they're are proper friends they should understand). Also booking in advance might get you cheaper fares.

You could take some time off and go down and stay at hers for a while. There's no need to be alone, I know you said you're poor, but if you could afford a cat you can afford to spend more time with your partner. Being frank here.