Oh Gooooohhhhhhhhhhd I hate these people who do this!!! and it's not just with PhDs. I once got funding to make a film, and my then flatmate gave a running critique of my every move.
Tell him - YOU'VE ALREADY GOT A SUPERVISOR AND YOU DON'T NEED A MUM AND DAD BECAUSE YOU'RE A GROWN UP NOW!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sure this has something to do with jealousy - if he likes his job THAT much why is he so interested in yours???
Haha - I completely relate to this. A friend of mine is obsessed with me seemingly being a 'student' who just gets to lounge around all day. She forgets that when she was doing her Masters I was working a 'real' job, but didn't make digs at her. Everything to her is linked to me being a student. If I go on holiday she remarks about 'students' like me being able to afford more holidays than her. If I go to the gym she remarks 'those were the days' i.e. when she had time to do these things. So one day when she did the 'student' comment for the 1000th time I said, 'You have a bit of a thing about me being a student don't you, maybe you should think about doing a PhD, I think you would be really well prepared after your work experience'. She responded with a clumsy statement about not really knowing what she would want to research. She no longer does the 'student' comments these days!
I agree with bonzo. the best way to respond is to use these situations to wind people up: "Yes I spend all night and day playing computer games, drinking, smoking... and all thanks to your hard earned tax punds but dont worry I've found myself some extra curricular activiies where once a weak I search for a cure for cancer or design a better hip joint replacement or whatever your phd topic may be.....
These people are never going to understand how hard or important what you do is so why bother getting upset? it is the classic grass is always greener on the other side mentaliy Everyone likes to think they work harder than everyone else and everyone else have it easier than them. Students are easy targets in this respect in particular PhD students!!!
Ive heard a graduate student medic at my college say how easy PhDs are ( she didnt do one her self ) and yet this is a person who complains constantly about the lack of supervision on a graduate medicine course
Y'know, I don't know if this will make anyone feel better, but I don't think it's just us! My friend is Head of Marketing at a law firm and works crazy hours but people are always asking her what could she possibly be doing for all those hours in work. "Don't you just have to, like, think up of ads or something?" She is forever having to explain what her job actually entails... So the moral of the story is, don't take it personally, and - unfortunately - get used to it because it may not stop even when you do get a 'real' job ;-)
Lol, I feel your pain!!!! People keep suggesting to me that I might like to work through my Phd, cos x, y and z did when they were a student, they had f/t jobs and studied... yawn.... yes, maybe they did, maybe they came out with a rubbish degree, maybe they aren't doing pg and aren't officially working f/t anyway! I must confess that sometimes I envy the office bods sooo much, they roll in at 9, go home at 5 and then the rest of the day/evening/weekends/holidays are their own, something that for those of us made enough to do this simply doesn't happen - the last week I've been working til 1 or 2 am most mornings - I have children so I can work from when I drop them at school til they come home (damn the half term coming up!) but then I have to be 'mum' til bedtime, then I can work again, although sometimes hubby says can we have an evening - yes dear, just let me write up these few pages, will be with you sometime soon. Other weeks I'm not so busy, these few are a killer, being going through AHRC joy again, now writing 2nd board paper for submission on June 15th, also moving house on June 19th, and have board on June 22nd, then I'll take a break for a few days while I unpack..... I have time for a f/t job and I'm just lazy, I must admit that :-p (although I do have a small pt research position in the dept now)
I just get so sick of people asking when I'm going to get a job, calling me an eternal student, layabout, etc etc. I've even been told with a smile but I think there was an element of snipe about it, that I suffer with lazyitis and don't want a job. I'm a mature student, I'm in my late 30s now, and in my whole working life I have NEVER worked so hard as I have during the last couple of years of the BA once things started to hot up, the MA (OMG) and now - I work regular 7 day weeks, approaching deadlines will work to the early hours (as I say, I have to work around kids as well so work when I can) and I'd LOVE a nice regular job - I could laze about all evening, all weekend, I'd have holidays off (remember them????) I'd get paid money and could afford to buy stuff, heck, I would have time to go shopping - utter, utter bliss! BUT, having worked so bloody hard, for so many bloody years and sacrificed so much in terms of financial, family, general life I WILL see this through to the end!
Sorry, that turned into a bit of a rant of my own didn't it - didn't mean to hijack the thread, but this is something that does get me quite a bit, sometimes I laugh it off, other times it just hurts, even hubby doesn't seem to get the idea that mine is as much a f/t job as his is sometimes. Just because when I'm studying I often work from home (see kids comment) its like I don't 'work' grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I do think though that as has been said, if you haven't been through this you can have no real understanding of quite how hard we do work, the pressures on us, the strain of it all - it looks as though all we do is mess around reading, writing a bit, maybe going on trips to look at stuff, and having a blast while the rest of the world is in work. Fortunately we have a few friends who have now completed their Phds and will rant back at hubby if he starts up lol, and support me fully and know what I'm going through - that helps no end.
So.... in conclusion lol, sorry about my own mini rant, and yes, I think its something that most of us come up against. Never mind, we will be Dr soon(ish) and will have achieved our ambition and our dream and that is something that NOBODY can take from us, and them... well, they'll have ermmmm, yeh, done their job that they prob hate and gives them little sense of achievement and unless really lucky they can't class as a dream come true anyway :-)
Wow! Thanks for all the replies! This is clearly a hot topic.
The temptation to just print out this thread and leave it lying around the house for him to read is almost overwhelming... but that would be a bit too passive aggressive, and I don't want to play him at his own game!
My plan for the future: to be much more assertive, combined with a healthy dose of forgiveness and gratitude that I'm getting to do something so amazing, complicated and unique that some people are just baffled by it!;-)
Housemate: You haven't cleaned out the bin.
Me: No, I have a 10 000 word chapter to hand in tonight so I've been working on that all day and I haven't had time for anything else.
Housemate: I'll just clean it out now then shall I?
Me: That would be nice or you can leave it until I have finished and sent off my 10 000 word chapter later this evening and then I'll sort it out. *Smiles sweetly*
Housemate cleans out bin (not at all thoroughly) and stomps off...
Don't think I will be able to achieve better than this!
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