Hi all,
Here's a query at the end of a horrid day. First, I had a knee dislocation and fell from a bus and it's very painful. But that's OK, there was an incident earlier on at work which was well, my fault, a rather embarrassing one at that, though of course I can move on, it's not a huge big thing.

But my larger question is, what if you know, in the midst of a great time period, something goes wrong that leaves a real bad taste in the mouth, or someone important says or does something for which you can't really blame them but wish it hadn't happened? I know one can say keep things separate, delete the thing, MOVE ON. Tomorrow is another day. But how come it spoils the taste of everything else?

What d'you guys do when stuff like this happens? :-s

I find a sympathetic ear and moan and moan and moan :p There is nothing like a good moan, but you cannot under any circumstances moan with someone who is likely to say any of the following:
- "You need to look at it from their point of view..."
- "Yes, but on the other hand..."
- "You're not going to like it but I'm going to play Devil's advocate..."

You don't need someone to be rational, you need someone to have a good b*tching session with. I can't do the 'moving on' thing until I've vented my frustration. Works for me. ;-)

trying this out right NOW :-) but urrgh feel so awful..

Yes, a good moan session sounds like it is in order.

On another topic, I can't believe you are being so matter-of-fact about dislocating your knee! Have you done this before? Is this a regular occurrence for you? I only ask because I had the unbelievably painful experience of dislocating my knee a few years ago and it was sheer agony! Second only to childbirth in terms of pain. I had my leg strapped up for about six weeks afterwards and even when I could bend it again I was terrified of doing so. At the time I thought I'd rather walk with a limp forever than go through that pain again. How are you doing?

I have been having this since the age of 14, so its been 10 yrs of these horrid shocks once a year or so. I come crashing down on the ground, and am terrified of this happening while crossing a main road or something. It is incredibly painful, I totally agree, but my docs are all unsure of the outcomes of a surgery, so yeah, it's just this thing I'm living with...

:-)

I've had a few of this kind of thing happen..... I think you just have to get it into your head that it's impact is potentially more damaging if you don't manage to switch off from it. Easier said than done I know. With time you'll probably still remember it (and cringe!) but it becomes less important to your sense of self esteem....
CBT type techniques work well: -- how bad actually is the thing? -- how often will you think about it in a month, a year, ten years time? -- balance it against good things, -- was there anything you could've done better?

Sorry if this sounds patronising!

S

======= Date Modified 21 Apr 2009 10:49:34 =======
Hi PM, that's wonderful! So let's try this out, let's take balancing against good things, for instance. Gosh, I'd say in this context the good is like a hundred, and the bad is like 2 or 3. But how come it makes no difference? Perhaps it's a thing about being perfect with everything.... and hence (at least as people say) taking little 'bad's to be 'severe' blows.... hmm...

Yeh I have that (perfectionist) problem too.....sometimes it helps to be easy on yourself; take half a day off, go to the flicks, sit in a park (if you've got the weather I have!).....

I do something similar to Pamplemousse. I think "how will I feel about this when I'm 90?" and then I try to recreate the feeling now. (Of course, if it's the sort of thing that will still bother you when you're 90 then you're stuffed ;-) )

Hmm... all good but I seem to have now wasted an entire day over this little thing yesterday. Completely unlike me and gosh, what's wrong with me?? :O Anyway thanks you guys!