Just would to release my unbearable feelings over the loss of my sweet, caring & kind grandfather on 5th Dec. despite the fact that i am terribly sad, I'm glad as he doesn't have to fight cancer anymore. i don't how others deal with death of someone they love but to me this is so painful (here, writing this at 3am, because i cant sleep, missing him. and i cant even finish my 2 pages of articles!) i pray so hard that God bless his soul & let him rest him peace. btw, sorry to drop this message, but i just need to let it out so i could move on easily & less painful. hope someone out there could share similar ways of handling this especially when still studying, because i have never deal with death of the loved ones since i was 7years old (which i barely remember... so it doesn't hurt as much as this one).

Aemillya,

sweetie, huge hugs for you. Take heart, there is nothing anyone can say or do to make the pain any less, whether they've been through it or not. But please know, that he has made your life meaningful in every way he could. Dont force yourself to read now, be kind to yourself.

I am a tremendously emotional person, and the person dearest to me on earth is my grand mom, 86 yrs old, halfway across the globe. Every time I visit home, I try to spend as much time with her as I can, and when I say bye, and hug her, my entire mind is saying "is this the last time I'll get to hug you?"

I am terrified of bad news coming....I cant even write these words...its so scary..

I cant say a word to ease your pain, but do know, you are not alone in this. There are many on this forum who have battled death, and have been brave in the face of fire, hang in there, and be KIND to yourself. Let yourself grieve, its normal.

Hugs hugs and hugs

P'Bug

Very sorry to hear of your loss.

I'm so sorry.

When my grandmother died a few years ago I preferred to talk about her to people around me, even to laugh about funny things that happened. She had a great sense of humour so she would have preferred that.

Remember the sadness is really a reflection of how much he meant to you; don't fight it. Hope you are OK.

I echo the words of phd bug, there is no words to describe grief and nothing you can really say to make someone feel better. over the loss of someone who means a lot to you...

I know its a cliche....but really time does heal...honestly it really does, and in time the feelings of sadness when you remember your grandpa will instead change to a smile when you see/hear/smell something that reminds you of them.

About experience of grief while studying, my 21 year old cousin died last summer (in fact, it was not in good circumstances at all, though I'm not sure if you could ever die happily, but basically he was killed after stepping in to help someone else in trouble-basically a case of wrong place wrong time). At the time, it happened I was actually already pretty much depressed, and I knew that if I didn't take control at this point, there would be no hope for me!! So I basically, turned it around, and in my grief, I found the hope there was for me, that I was still alive and should be grateful for this gift. as I still had the chance to still make a difference and do something with my life...

anyway. what I am trying to say is, maybe amidst your grief in a few weeks after you have gotten over the initial shock, you can find the interrnal strength to use this sadness to drive you, to achieve the best that you possibly can (because lets face it, the alternative prospect isn't any better)...but for now, in the short term I would just say let it all out and get the tears all out of your system...

I'm so sorry ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Its been nearly 16 years since I lost my Grandpa and I still love him as much today as I did then, sometimes I still well up and miss him dreadfully - but most of the time now I can look, as I was today coincidentally, at photos of him, and think of him, and laugh and smile and remember how incredibly wonderful he was and how much he shaped my life - including giving me the passion for my field of study!!! Our grandparents are very very special people, and we lose them and it rips our hearts in two - but it does heal, for now though don't think of working, I could do nothing for a few days after my Grandpa died, I coudln't bear to even get up as the pain would hit, just be kind to yourself, remember him, remember him well and happy and know that no matter what happens in your life, he will always be a part of you and would be so very proud of you - do you know this poem? I read it at my Nanna's funeral and it helped me so much...

Death is nothing at all

I have only slipped away into the next room

I am I and you are you

Whatever we were to each other

That we are still

Call me by my old familiar name

Speak to me in the easy way you always used

Put no difference into your tone

Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow

Laugh as we always laughed

At the little jokes we always enjoyed together

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was

Let it be spoken without effort

Without the ghost of a shadow in it

Life means all that it ever meant

It is the same as it ever was

There is absolute unbroken continuity

What is death but a negligible accident?

Why should I be out of mind

Because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you for an interval

Somewhere very near

Just around the corner

All is well.

Nothing is past; nothing is lost

One brief moment and all will be as it was before

How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!



Canon Henry Scott-Holland, 1847-1918, Canon of St Paul's Cathedral


With love to you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Aemillya: so sorry to hear about your loss. Be as kind to yourself as you possibly can and don't put pressure on yourself, your loss is so fresh. Remember how your grandfather treats you when you are hurt and how he wants you to be looked after now, at this the most difficult of times. I lost my sister 18 months ago and it took me at least a month after the funeral to able to function. You are in our thoughts and are not aloneX

Stressed: THANK YOU for the poem

so sorry to hear of your loss. All I can say from my experience is that you need to take the time you need to come to terms with it, and it will probably take longer than others around you think, so you mustn't dispair when they appear to think you should be over it. In time you will find yourself talking more easily about them, at first it will be painful and I found it quite awkward partly because it brought home again the fact that they were no longer there in body and partly because I didn't want to upset anyone else. You need to think of yourself first for a while, I found work was a great distraction, but it depends on you. -My salvation was in fact one of the winter olympics as it went on until late at night and gave me something else to focus on, and an excuse to be up in the early hours without having to justify it. Take care

I am so sorry for your loss, as one dealing with the tragic & sudden loss of my aunt and uncle, I too have been struggling lately. I am trying to focus on the wonderful time we had together and simply learning to say goodbye.

Dear All, thank you so much for the support and beautiful advices & poem. this time around, tears i have was tears of relief and happiness because of all your support & kind words. yes, you all are right, time does heal. it's been 2 weeks since his death, and again you are right, getting up just to do simple routine is terribly difficult, and i have not touch my study for almost 2 weeks. but, thanks to my family members and God, moving on is getting easier. thank you again, guys for the supports.

Dear All, thank you so much for the support and beautiful advices & poem. this time around, tears i have was tears of relief and happiness because of all your support & kind words. yes, you all are right, time does heal. it's been 2 weeks since his death, and again you are right, getting up just to do simple routine is terribly difficult, and i have not touch my study for almost 2 weeks. but, thanks to my family members and God, moving on is getting easier. thank you again, guys for the supports.