Well I decided that there was no point in hiding the fact this is a depressing post!

I am struggling with my PhD, I am F/T with a young child that has spent 8 days/nights in hospital since Jan, the latest being last night. My daughter goes to nursery 3 days a week and I work one day at the weekend. In reality my daughter is frequently away from nursery ill and I spend a lot of time worrying about her.

My sup. is pleased with my progress so far but I just do not feel I am doing the work I am being paid to do and I worry that I need to go PT for this year (so take 4 years). I'm worried that evenings are frequently a 'no-go' due to my daughters terrible sleeping habits and the simple fact i am mind numbingly tired much of the time. I also spend more time than is healthy when i SHOULD be working not working - willpower not being a forte of mine!

I am research council funded, has anyone taken a break to think about their options or made a FT a PT PhD for a year or so (i know money would halve) to sort out other issues? I know my sup is VERY keen I finish in 3 years but I am just not able to put in the work and concentrate the way i need to if I am to have even the fainest chance of getting this degree.

Thanks in advance :)

If your supervisor is pleased with your progress that is good. Perhaps you're being unnecessarily hard on yourself? In your shoes I wouldn't go part-time just yet, I would either continue, after all your supervisor is happy, or take a short break to think things through but don't go part-time just yet unless you really, really want to and can afford to.

I took a break in my PhD, and I was research council funded. My research council (AHRC) would only allow breaks for either maternity reasons or medical reasons. Luckily I qualified under the latter. I took 5 months to recharge my batteries, and came back all guns blazing. Without that break I would have given up.

The fact that your supervisor is happy is really encouraging, but you're not, so there is still an issue. I think you need to work out how much time you and your supervisor want you to spend, and work out how much time you are really spending. And then figure it out from there.

I was a part-time student in my AHRC PhD, very part-time. Never more than 10 hours a week, more like 5 hours a week towards the end, in 1 hour chunks spread throughout the week. So I had to be brutally efficient in terms of how I used that time. But I got through.

Good luck!

Hi Hiccup

So sorry to hear that your little girl is not well these days. I don't know really anything about research council funding but at least the good thing about a PhD is that you don't have to clock in as you might have to in a 'real' job. Also if you're running late or she is just too ill for you to work, you don't really have to explain yourself to anyone so that is some sort of plus for continuing as well.

Would part time for a year really be so bad? What about looking to take a break away as Bilbo suggested or even going part time for six months or so? While your supv may be keen for you to finish in three years I doubt she/he has a sick baby daughter. Is your supv aware of your daughter's health issues? She is your priority along with your own health and sanity of course. Perhaps an unofficial timeout of a week or so would allow you assess things. See if you find it easier to manage her without studying. However, don't forget your PhD is something solely for you to focus on and it can be cathartic to have something just for you.

Your supervisor is pleased with your progress; maybe outline the situation to him/her a bit more and try to work out some sort of work schedule.

I really hope your little girl improves soon

A

Thank you all, yes I think the issue is that my sup. is happy but I am not really able to develop a healthy work/life balance, I am lucky to get perhaps 20 hours a week in at the moment of quality work. I really want to do the projects I have developed, but also feel a conflict with ensuring my daughter gets the development opportunities and support she needs. We've also just moved house, bringing our chaos with us as we have no time or space to 'get straight' before we moved and the removals firm although careful with our belongings quite literally labeled nothing except the room it came from!


I have also just been diagnosed with PTSD, something which I have known is coming for a while but it has taken a while for me to accept that to get help (and move on in counselor speak) I must accept I have a problem. The University counselling service has been good but doesn't have the CBT which I think will be of real benefit.


I intend to take a week off next week - I see my sup. this Friday and agree with him I need to take a week away to get my house straight, get my daughters birthday organised and think through my priorities, I feel huge conflict not to wait another 3/4 years to extend my family but also don't want to give up on a very interesting project - a fully funded PhD is not easy to come by and I am so very grateful to have been given the chance. Once I have got head space (I'll be a bit naughty and send my daughter to nursery as usual otherwise nothing gets done) I can hopefully have time to think and decide if I would be better retiring gracefully, after all I do feel I have some extenuating circs!


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Hi - I don't know what to advise but I just want to send you lots of sympathy! I am finding it so hard at the moment. One of my children always seems to be ill and it completely drains you as you end up having to try and catch up on sleep and work at the same time! :p I am also thinking of coming clean to my supervisor over how little work I am managing to get done - my babysitter has just changed jobs and can't work anymore and I have just found out that my twins didn't get a place at nursery (and we applied for 8!) so I have no idea how I am going to get things done next year. Anyway, that doesn't help you much does it? But I think anyone who thinks it is hard doing a PhD hasn't attempted one with kids!! BTW Dunni - if you are still reading, you are an inspiration. Every time I think I can't see how I am going to finish this with the twins in tow I think of you!!!

Hey Timefortea, I'm still here getting the post viva minor corrections done! I think to be honest there is no ideal way of doing your PhD studies with children aswell unless you can guarantee child-free time! There will always be times when things are very mad and the studies take a back seat, but then things become more stable and lots of work gets done.  I always found that I was emotionally up and down with the guilt of spending enough time with my babies or spending time on my PhD. The compromise was always in favour of the children as it would be if you were employed in a job.

Hiccup - I think there are a few issues for you right now, your daughters health concerns and the events that you have been through with her.  You need some space to deal with these issues and they will be the forefront of your mind over your studies. This will affect your motivation to work on your PhD. I would suggest talking to your supervisor about the situation you are dealing with in order to see what options are available, as you clearly have extenuating circumstances. I am not suggesting you give this up for a moment, just maybe see if you can have a little breathing space - a few weeks out or p/t as an alternative.  You are obviously doing well so don't lose faith in your abilities to accomplish this.

Hi Hiccup, I think that you have got good feedback already. I am hugely impressed by Dunni and the other ladies who managed their studies with 2 or more kids. I had one in the middle of my PhD and I struggled my way through! I am now waiting for the viva, so I should probably wait until the result to give advice.

What I can tell you is that there is no easy solution. I had a year off for maternity leave, but it was very difficult afterwards, with the baby sick on and off and also my health hasn't been great in the past year. However, I decided not to take time off and soldier on, because I was funded too. I don't know if it was the right decision. I suppose that after three years you just want to see the end of the tunnel.

Obviously, you need to re-adjust schedules/ ways of working pretty much constantly. And also take any chance to get help of you can: husband, neighbours, friends, relatives. If it is a particularly hard time, you should speak to your supervisor and agree on how to move forward. As it has been said before, even just a few weeks off may help to get you some rest and start again with renewed energy. 


Children are often ill when they start nursery, but things will improve with time. Through groups like the NCT you can get to know other mums and make friends who share similar problems. I found joining the group very helpful, and some help with baby sitting may be available if you need.

I used to be one of those people that really put their research career first and neglected my relationships and friends when I was doing my PhD. Looking back this is what I regret the most (far more than the lack of money and other drawbacks). My supervisors approval and how I compared to the other PhDers really don't matter to me now.

I don't have kids, but if I was to do things again I would put the real life people first.