How do relationships fare?


Too true Algae. I cannot move (mainly husband's job, but also child going to school) and that seriously decreases my job opportunites. Once you put kids into the mix, long-distance is unworkable. I think my husband would just about put up with me moving away for a postdoc - but he would never let me take our daughter and I certainly wouldn't leave her behind. So that's that.


But then this is all linked into priorities etc isn't it?

My career is important to me but not at the expense of my personal relationships. So I wouldn't make a move away from my boyfriend even though he has bought the issue up before and said that he would actively support it. I'm not saying my decisions are more valid than anyone elses but if your career is your priority then the potential for your relationships to suffer is there. Similarly, as my relationship is my priority, I almost definitely won't become a high flyer to the extent that perhaps I have to potential to be.

We all have our decisions to make I suppose.



Couldn't agree more A116. It is entirely about priorities and sacrifices will always have to be made if you are two ambitious people who want both a relationship and a career. My boyfriend and I have faced these issues since the beginning of our relationship, except a lot worse because we're from countries worlds apart. For the most part a transnational relationship is all about the stresses of visas and immigration regulations; in addition of course to the fact that we cannot be a couple together and each live in our own homeland! Now, he has made the sacrifice to live with me here in the UK while I study (thankfully managing to secure a great job and therefore work permit)...afterwards we will doubtless be moving back to his country for him to pursue his plans. The least stressful option with these situations seems to be to recognize that plans will always change whether you want them to or not. "Go with the flow" (ugh, ouch!).


======= Date Modified 17 Jan 2009 08:21:29 =======

I had a long and awkward (yet relieving) talk with my boyfriend about this issue recently. When I finish in the autumn/winter I will be moving away for work wherever I can get it. That's just the way it has to be. At 26, and with (I hope eventually!) a PhD I can't rely on us ever working in the same city. Perhaps something will work itself out long distance, but I am not so sure. Still bringing it up now means that the cards are on the table and it won't be a horrible shock in 8 months when I start applying for jobs all over the place.


very true Chris, there's no way of knowing what will happen. After almost driving myself and my boyf mad with questions that even I can't answer (what will happen, will you stay, what job will you get, what if we still have to do long distance after 2 more years..etc... ) I had a good long chat with the old parentals about it. They are wise! I think how we have decided to leave it is see how the next two years go, neither of us definately know what job we will be going for after that so we still have a fair bit of flexibility regarding job opportunities in the same country, we are still young and who knows what will change in 2 years, it could really be a lot! So there's no point tearing our hair out now, I couldn't ever imagine splitting up with the boyf so if i want to make it work then i have to accept thats how it is. Acceptance seems to be a big theme of this! life's not that bad, so you're apart but if uve got the chance to make a career that you want, you have good friends around you and you can learn a bit of independence from a relationship, while still having someone there to talk to when you need it and seeing them when's not so bad.
Of course it all depends on the situation, and the people involved, so you never really can know what will happen until you are in the situation, but dont stress it! :p