Hi Scared - you seem to want people to tell you what to do - ie chuck in your Phd, which is one of the biggest decisions of your life - over something that we can't really understand. It all seems very strange - from what you've said you have been abused and threatened and treated badly, but you should be the one to give in. Come on, you are a man, act like one. There's no point in all the asking people if you should quit - only you can make that decision, and personally I would be in my supervisor's office, I would make him listen, and I would get it around the dept - the correct story - if not officially - but that's just me cos I won't be bullied. Only you know your supervisor, your dept, the other man concerned etc and how you feel. But if this Phd is important to you and you've worked so hard for it then I would not give it up for the sake of a liar who tries to cause trouble for you - you'll face a lot of sh*t in life and turning your back and giving up is not the way to deal with it - just my opinion and please don't think I'm being a bitch, I'm not, I just worry that you're getting to the point of quitting over a misunderstanding.
Scared, you need to keep yourself CALM...
I think what Stressed said is spot on (though I would not have necessarily phrased it in the same way). In otherwords, you have gotten this far, and you have achieved a university scholarship which is an excellent achievement, so don't let one idiot ruin everything you have worked so hard to achieve.
I know it can be more difficult defending yourself (I find its much easier to defend other people) because there is always that niggling feeling that you willl be judged as a troublemaker if you start making noises about something through a grievance procedure...but honestly, you know you have worked so hard to get to this point, so you must stand up for yourself! you can do it!!
Right now, I think you have gotten yourself into a state, so what I would say is get it all out on paper, its very therapeutic (really)- write a letter explaining all your grievances and what has happened- then once you have this release go to bed and try and get some sleep as there isnt much you can do at this time of night. In the morning wake up afresh, and do something with what you have written- either email it to some people or go and speak to the people in person and say what you have written.
Don't worry it will be ok!! You just need to get it out in the open and I'm sure everything will be fine!:-)
Ok but the supervisor reallydoesnt seem interested. He told methat he gets upset even if i discussed it and he also said that the university policy may be to remove both if 2 students argue and that he has nothing to loose since his contract expires in May.
Scared I think you have been offered some very sound advice. As a third year I often hear about the spats between post docs etc and who doesn't like who and these things fly round the department. Now you as the others have said have the option of either taking hold of this or running away from it.
Now personally Im not sure what you want us to say, you're telling us the same thing over and over again and we are advising based on it. Your next review panel is a good way away yet and there is enough time to get some good press again but only if you rectify the story by either going on record or letting it be known to your supervisor etc.
Staying hidden which is what your supervisor suggests sounds to me like the easy thing for them, because there will be no reports and no difficult questions coming from above. Thats what it sounds like to me anyway and everyone will retain the same impression of you because it has not been rectified by you.
Personally I'd be straight into Student Support, you should have one where you studying and talking to one of the staff there who will be able to advise you about the channels to go through and what implications they have.
You dont give any time indication, like did this happen last week, last month or what, and also why things got so volatile. Surely if this postdoc has been there for quite some time the staff would be aware he is prone to volatility.
It doesn't add up for me. And I agree with my fellow poster, you sound like you want us to tell you to leave your PhD, which we aren't going to do. If you want to leave it thats up to you but this incident doesnt merit your future qualifications if you were the victim.
You need to be mature and take responsibility for your part in this. I think only you can answer the questions you asked us because only you can change peoples impressions of you by making sure it is documented and you arent being blamed.
As for the paper, can you put it on a back burner for a bit until you get this sorted and work on something else not involved with this person.
Take the advice you have been given and speak to the objective staff at student support and they will help you see your options. Sticking your head in the sand, doing nothing and hoping everyone will still like you isn't a good idea.
ok i agree with everything but please try and understand that the supervisor has never explicitly said anything to me other than what kind of help was this i answered bring in the pc and i will write the code here in this office. he never mentioned fight this discussion just took place the next day and sort of tried to fish information about what happened and so on. bear in mind that me and him are also from the same country.
so if i go saying i didnt start a fight they may say fight tell us more etc
You've completely lost me now. You intoned to us that they knew about the fight etc and that they were talking about it. That it was the physicality of the fight etc which would jepoardise your position.
I don't know what to suggest apart from what I have already suggested which is going to see student support and asking them for your university's policy on such matters.
They will be able to give you much more sound advice as we dont know the full extent of what has been going on. Im pretty confused about it in general.
Scared, you say:
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