Hi all. I'd like to apply for a scholarship of a Spanish foundation in order to study in the UK and of course I have to include two academic references. This week I wrote to the coordinator of the MA I studied to get one of them and she asked me to write my own reference letter and then submit it to her so that she can sign it.

It's not the first time I'm told to do so by ex teachers/ employers. In the other cases, I simply told the person which aspects did he need to emphasize and then he wrote the letter according to my guidelines. Of course, I never asked anybody to write false or inexact information about me (I think they wouldn't sign it anyway), and this time won't be different. But I really don't like to boast and I think I won't be very comfortable writing such a letter.

Have you faced such a situation? What did you do?

Thanks and regards,

Eva

tell them to stop being so bloody lazy and do it themselves. you need a reference, it isn't like you are asking for an essay to be written about you, so it shouldn't take them very long at all.

I agree with stu (which makes a change). Tell her to write it herself. Explain you feel uncomfortable about writing it. Besides people quite often don't see their own good points and/or flaws.

do you really dislike me THAT much jen? I'm not that bad surely?

no stu I don't dislike you that much. Some things I do agree with you on but other times I think you talk rubbish. I like that your not afraid to say what u think even if it gets other ppls backs up e.g. mine. I can't stand fence sitters

me speaking rubbish is an opinion of yours. even if you don't agree, sometimes what i say may be controversal, but i often have a point

yes i know its an opinion. If read what I said carefully you will see I said I THINK you talk rubbish hence indicating that this is my opinion.

no need to get so defensive. that time of the month?

yeah, your right mia.

Hi,

Thank you for your advice, in fact this kind of situation seems more common that I have thought.

At the end I explained her I didn't feel comfortable and told her which aspects shoud her letter emphasize in the case she still wants to write it. But I got another couple of referees in the meantime and I think I will manage to apply even if she doesn't write the reference.

I have a similar prob. The person who taught most of my MA modules is willing and eager to do my ref, the person who did the diss part is not so eager, probably because I saw him twice and e-mailed him 3 times - perhpas he feels embarassed? (he didn't want to do it, was 'persuaded' but took no interest whatsoever, was never available and when I asked him when it had to be in - I was the only one submitting at that time in the faculty- he said he had no idea)What is more he has now retired and could well be off to foreign climes soon. someone else has said they will do it, but haven't seen the final diss, and they never sent me a copy back. Things are never easy are they?

stu you are the one getting defensive. i have changed my mind I do dislike you that much.

well, you don't seem like a nice person either, so the feeling is mutual

no reply to that jen? you normally have some defensive and pointless thing to say

I'm perfectly ok Mia, thanks for the concern.

I just think that Jen is pretty rash with her opinions and has been quite judgemental. Not to mention, very defensive at the same time.