Hey people thanks for your responses. Still not in a good place, need a magic button to make everything better but thanks for your concerns.

======= Date Modified 10 12 2009 12:12:09 =======
Ok dudes, advice needed.  In the last 18months since starting a phd I have developed an eating disorder and I am severely depressed. I feel that the phd is adding to the pressure I feel at the minute and I just can't cope.

I really don't want to leave cause that would give the stigma of a quitter but I don't feel I am in the right mental state to continue.  HOWEVER, if I take a break what am i going to do? Sit around and feel sorry for myself even more?  I have responsibilities and I need a solid income. Please help with some advice.

Ok HarryPoyhead is a nickname for harry potter... nothing to do with drugs.

And yes I am on anti depressants for two months now, not only are they numbing me, I have little concentration or motivation which then leads me into a spiral of guilt and self-loath.

I am also on a 3 month waiting list to see a specialist, still waiting for that appointment.  So to answer your question the hardest thing I have done in my life is tell my doctor about my eating disorder, but I have stood up and tried to help myself but I seem to have hit a blank wall.