I wonder if i really don't have it in me to do a PhD. I have always liked studying. But with PhD it is leading to too much anxiety and depression. For the last seven years I am trying to battle anxiety. The thing is I don't know what else to do. But the lack of any structure in PhD makes me feel out of control and unproductive no matter how much determination and dedication I start out with. I feel lost, and I feel its just not working out for me. And then I have to battle the depression and then I lose out on time, deadlines loom larger and I have done nothing. Earlier in life when I had to face overwhelming deadlines and work, I would work slowly but determinedly towards it. But here everything seems so infinite and vague and out of control, that I cant structure myself. The idea of finding something , and despite trying one's best not finding it makes me easily frustrated and triggeres the anxiety. I dont understand how I should cope with this. Even though I love the idea of writing reading processing and until MA had little problems because assignments were smaller and there was more definite supervision. Now all i am left with is feeling lost towards a goal. and completely crippled.