Signup date: 29 Jan 2010 at 4:46pm
Last login: 07 Aug 2016 at 11:31am
Post count: 519
My advice is not to give up. I have felt like this several times in the past...
Also, try to use my tomatoes (google it) to fight procrastination. It worked for me.
Lastly, turn off or delete your social networks. That's the best thing I ever did in my PhD life. I deleted my facebook and sky-rocketed my research and publications. If your friends are real friends, they will find other ways to contact you and stand by you.
So, before you panic, there are two things you can do:
a) explain your mother how much the PhD means to you. Tell her how it works. It will be easier to her to accept what you are doing if you explain the process that a PhD takes. Tell her that you feel happy and proud of doing a PhD, that it gives meaning and a purpose to your life. Tell her that it may take ages to complete, that a PhD is a roller-coaster sometimes, but it means the world to you and you will try your best to complete it in time.
b) if she doesn't accept it, keep your distance from your mother. Don't kick her out of your life altogether, but simply exclude this part of your life (i.e. the PhD) from every discussion with your mother and other like-minded family members.
c) if your parents fund your PhD, simply find alternative ways of funding.
d) Note that it's easier to make your parents feel neutral about the whole thing than making them enthusiastic about you doing a PhD.
My native British in laws are the same! Especially the mother in law: she just thinks that a lady's position is in the kitchen, raising kids. Well, they are very religious and traditional. They think that having children is the ultimate goal in a woman's life (it bloody well isn't $&%$!!!).
As a result, when I did get the email that I had passed my R&R with very minor corrections, my friends were on cloud nine whereas my in laws did not even congratulate me (my parents were neutral with the whole thing to start with, but they did make an effort when I explained to them how much the PhD meant to me). On the night I found out about my results, I went out to celebrate, but even though we invited the in laws, they didn't even turn up!
Also, when I told the mother in law that I am applying for postdocs, she was like... 'but is the PhD not the end of it all?' So I said that... 'on the contrary, everything has just started!'
I have the support of my husband 100%, and that's all that matters. I don't care about what anyone else thinks.
I have decided that I won't let anyone tell me how to lead my life. With the right training, I simply don't care any more. Yes, you can actually do this: train yourself not to give a damn about what other people think of you!
My husband worked away from home (abroad) for three years, straight after we got married. He used to come back every weekend (it was a two hour flight). It's manageable as long as you trust each other. After a while it may get frustrating though. Good luck with everything!
Recently I presented part of my thesis to an international conference. This is the most original and pioneering part of my thesis.
The question is 'is there a commitment for researchers to publish their work in conference proceedings, or this is optional'? Is it rude not to publish in the conference proceedings after presenting at the conference? What do you think?
For instance, I may select to publish the same paper in an academic journal instead... or as a book, when I publish my thesis. If yes, do I have to email the conference committee and explain that I will be publishing my paper somewhere else? What if I offer to publish in the conference proceedings a note (i.e. a very short paper) on the topic instead?
Thanks in advance
Keep strong all of you!
I found these links quite inspirational:
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