Overview of newbieSE

Recent Posts

Lost passion for my research...
N

Hi. I started my PhD in February 2020 and now I am lost and feeling guilty... even thinking about quitting my PhD.
I finished my master's 4 years ago and since then I was trying to get a position for PhD. I tried a lot of times and finally, I got this opportunity and accepted. The position was for a project with a company in a country different from my host institution, so I resigned from my job (which was temporary) in my home country and flew away, then, COVID happened. With that, the project change due to the restricted mobility and the company is showing no interest in my project anymore.
I spent the first year trying to settle in this new country and worried about my family back home. I took some courses but mostly just to keep going, I was and still am very anxious and worried most of the time. I do things just so my supervisor does not think I am wasting his time, but I am no longer passionate about my research topic, especially after it changed from what I was initially proposed. As I said before, I am feeling very guilty because I have this position and in my country, the situation is very bad so I am sure it will very difficult to found a job. Moreover, my PhD is fully funded and I keep thinking about how much I wanted to do this, and now my performance is not good enough... there should be a lot of people more suitable for this, I don't know even if I'm able to quit after all this time or if I have to return what I was paid.
I don't know what to do, if I quit I will not have this opportunity again, and will not have anywhere to go, but I am just useless for my project here, and I think the company will also drop out of the project. What should I do?