Hi,

I’ve just found out I’m 4 weeks pregnant and am just about to start the 1st year of a PhD in the humanities. I would really, really appreciate some advice.

My boyfriend and I recently moved halfway across the world so that I could do a PhD fully-funded and he could have more career options. I have no family or friends here and have yet to get to meet most of the people in my department. I don’t have any kind of support network, and will need to take coursework all this year, several modules and language lessons on top of teaching duties. Will this be possible while pregnant? And what about the second, third and fourth years with a tiny infant? My boyfriend currently works two part-time uni/tutoring jobs and I have guaranteed funding for 4 years (dependent on performance obviously). After this year I’ll have a more flexible schedule, but I know how impossible it is to get a full-time lectureship in my discipline and am well-aware of the ‘publish or perish’ imperative. I’m also worried about not being taken seriously in this new department and about not making friends with the other (young and carefree) graduate students. I’m 25 and feel like I’m throwing my life / dreams down the drain.

I really wish someone could give me advice about having a baby while starting a PhD or having a baby in a totally foreign country without a support network. I don’t want to get into pro-choice/life debates, I just need honest advice about how easy or difficult this will be. I feel like the baby must be feeling my stress and worry and misery…. Please help me!!